Changes... Again

Saturday, November 3, 2013

What's my weight right now?  Is it same? Less?  Never before in my life have I ever been so fixated on my weight.  A combination of dietary intake and fluid intake... Both able to skew my weight and my assessment of my "health."

New diet, new foods.  I'm constantly analyzing and recording what I eat. Okay, this time... Were there any problems?  Diarrhea?  Itchy mouth? Gas/bloating?  Discomfort?  What ingredients were included?  What products may cause problems?  Trial after endless test trial... I'm researching myself.

Beyond my allergy to alcohol (now manageable with pre-medication of Benedryl and maybe Zyrtec)... I'm now sensitive to foods with the slightest bit of diary. Wanna test me?  I can tell if the slightest drop of diary is present in my food.  Now, newest of the new, I'm also sensitive to gluten products.

Grrrrrrrrrrr...  have I always been sensitive to all these food products and never realized it?  More likely, the chemo is causing my body to over-react. *deep sigh*  Bland foods are safer... Maybe?  Or could it be that I eat the same food day in and day out that I'll acquire a new allergy?

I'm confused. 

At the same time, I'm enjoying a whole new food adventure!  I'm learning soy sauce has gluten, but there's a gluten-free variety of soy sauce available!  Even vinegar can have gluten.  Wow... my mind is filled with thoughts of "I can eat this... oh wait, maybe not."  Turns out cross-contamination can lead to gluten being present in products like corn or oats.  

The other day, I made vegan nacho cheese using cashews and nutritional yeast. =O Nothing compares to the original; however, my eyes are opening to the many substitute foods available! Well, at least I'm acquiring new cooking combinations.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Right after I feel that I'm getting a better understanding of my body in relation to food... Nope!  Time to spin me around and mix everything up again. All the confidence I gained from figuring out what I can eat to stabilize my body... All out the window!

I'm eating both gluten and dairy-free, non spicy, "known" foods that don't cause any problems. Hopeless. My body is acting up again and I'm constantly running to the toilet. Grrrrrrrrrrr...  how long is this running to the toilet issue going to last this time?  I'm getting really impatient with myself!

I can feel my energy draining away again. Walking up stairs causes a burning sensation in my thighs. I'm starting to get short of breath with decreasing levels of acitivity. What in the world is going on?!?  I thought I was supposed to get BETTER between rounds of chemotherapy. 

I'm whining. Kristy, stop it!  

Deep breath... Work out this issue.

Possibilities:
1. My body is getting sensitized to all sorts of foods and overreacting by expelling it as quick as possible.
2.  The effects of this chemotherapy (beyond the initial fatigue and nausea) are just becoming apparent now.
3.  I caught a bug that's irritating my digestive track.

My take is likely option #2.  You ask why?  Well, I can now pull out little clumps of hair from my head.  The mini bald spots represent the chemotherapy affecting my actively dividing cells.  My digestive track lining is also susceptible to the chemotherapy.  Great... everything I thought I had figured out is now out the window.

Lord God, I don't want to go through this whole being stuck by the toilet again!  I'll even only eat rice if I have to!  I'm tired. I want to wail and cry... But that won't help fix my body.

Lord, how much more?  Help me stay hopeful, keep my eyes fixed on you, take every day step by step without floundering. Lord God, I want to be like Peter, to boldly walk on the water with Jesus!  I DON'T want to end up like Peter, looking around in fear, loosing faith and sinking after having already stood on water. God, don't let me lose sight of you and sink!  There's a reason I'm still here. There's a reason you haven't cured me yet. So Father God, give me the courage, faith, strength to look only at you!  I don't need to dwell in the pain, embarrassment, difficulties of this life. As I live solely for you, Lord God, your opinion is what matters most. Help me not get distracted from my purpose for living. May you be honored and glorified in my attitude, my words, my actions.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Vegan Nacho Salad... with meat!  =D

October 30, 2013:  My new haircut

Went rockclimbing.  Tired, but sooooo fun!