Washing Dishes

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Noel's day:
Feed Kristy in the morning
Make sure Kristy drinks water and takes medicine
Heats up hot water and places water in a bottle to keep Kristy warm
Braves the cold for work
Goes grocery shopping
Comes home for more Kristy care 
Cooks dinner and preps lunch for next day

"Noel, it's okay.  I'll do the dishes.  You can just leave them there."

Two days later... the dishes are still present.  Well... actually, now there are more plates, utensils, cups and pans than before.  Yikes!  Dishes sure pile up fast in only two days.  Disgruntled, I stand at the sink, staring at the pile of plates, utensils, pans, containers spread over the counter, piled in the sink, balanced on a bucket.  *deep sigh*  These dirty dishes sure aren't going to clean themselves... the last 2 days have proved it!

Angling the parabolic space-heater, I aim the heat directly towards the sink where I plan to stand and wash the dishes.  Grabbing the sponge, I pump the dispenser and glob on tons of dish detergent all over the sponge and my hands.  Perfect!  Gently, I start with the cleanest, most non-oily, dishes I can find to help clear space in the sink.  One mug, then two.  A tall glass cup.  A small glass container and it's plastic lid.  Two light plastic tupperwares.  Ummmm... something's not right.  Why does my heart feel like it's pounding away a mile a minute?

I move my left hand over my right wrist... wow, my heart's thumping.  Staring at my watch, I start counting my pulse.  Forty beats in fifteen seconds... what?!!!  I rarely count that many beats!  Let's see... 40 x 4 is 160 heartbeats per minute.  =O  Usually, my heart doesn't beat that fast unless I'm running around like crazy and sweating!  Washing dishes is not what I would ever label as a workout.

Leaning forward, I rest my forearms at the edge of the sink.  How about if I wash the dishes even slower?  Not like I was scrubbing pots or anything... but if I slow down some, will my heart-rate decrease?

Gently, I swirl the sponge over a small plate.  Rinse.  Three forks, two steak knives, a chopstick.  Rinse.  I can feel my shoulders droop forward.  My respiratory rate is speeding up.  My back starts to bend under my own bodyweight.  I'm _tired_... my legs are starting to feel like jelly.  This dishwashing chore isn't going to work.

Stumbing slightly over my own feet, I stand in front of the heater.  Almost crumbling, my legs fold until I sit... one leg folded across the floor, the other leg bent to prop my right arm and head.  I'll just sit here and rest.

Panting slightly, I take my pulse again.  Well, this time, my heart rate is only at 120 beats per minute.  Better, but it still sucks.  I did nothing I'd consider a workout to get my heart rate so high.  Wow... am I that weak now?

Lord God, even as I write this blog... I can still feel my heart thumping, a uncomfortable pressure in my chest, a slight quickness of breath, a heaviness in my limbs, a shakiness in my fingers.  Is this what it's like to be weak?  Is my body that frail?  I feel old, worn out. Where's the energy I'm used to?  Until now, I've always been able to dig an extra spurt of energy from some unknown storage.  Is it gone?

Father God, I know people say to rest... but I'm used to puttering around the house as my "rest."  Wash dishes, climbing stairs... these are not things I've ever considered as exercise.  But for now, I guess I should re-label any activities as exercise.  Yesterday, I was surprised at how tired I became after only sitting for four hours... the rest of the day, I spent in bed.

Yikes, I'm at a level of some patients I used to work with in the hospital.  I never thought I'd ever consider myself physically weak.  *smirk* Should I test myself?  I wonder how much I can lift or carry now?  How far can I run?  How many flights of stairs can I climb?  Ahhhh, it's really depressing to see how weak I really am.

God, help me not focus on what I cannot do.  Instead, help me continue to focus on what I _can_ do.  I'm not sure if I'm able to improve my strength and function while on chemotherapy... but at least, I don't want to get any weaker than I already am!

Lord, give me strength.  Strength of body.  Strength of spirit.  Strength of heart.  In the name of Jesus I ask, amen.

Sitting in the sun with my two cats.  =D