Always Looking Forward

Janurary 1, 2014

Wow... A brand new year.  Resolutions?  None, I never keep them. 

I'm stuck in the hospital for chemotherapy again.  Today's my third day... only one more day left here before I get to leave.  Hurray!!!  Because of my increased neuropathy, my oncologist decided to stop the most likely culprit, Ifosfamide, resulting in one less day in the hospital.  So happy!  Plus, this is my fourth round.  The doctor says one or two more rounds (I'm hoping for only one more... But I'm betting that if I look good and react well, it'll probably be upped to two more rounds of chemotherapy with Doxorubicin).

I've read so much manga that I'm bored.  I get bored easily huh?  Everyone tells me, "Get out of the room.  Go for a walk."  When I'm working as a physical therapist, I remember telling my patients the very same thing.  However, now being the patient, I feel very different.  Outside my room, it's cold.  Outside my room, when I exercise, I draw a lot of attention.  I don't see anyone else punching or kicking or stretching.  Funny, as a therapist working with my patients, I never cared what people around me thought.  Now as a patient with no one standing by my side, I feel shy.  I'll just stay in my room.

Hmmmmm, how best to amuse myself?  Stair steps?  Done.  Squats?  Done.  High knee march, single leg balance, stretch, punches with trunk rotation, high kicks... All done.  What else can I do to spice things up while staying in my room?  While pondering, I raise the head high on my hospital bed.  Flinging my legs up, I lay my head where most people have their feet.  Casually, I start pedaling my feet in the air, add in a couple crunches, toss in some more trunk twists to hit my obliques... still standard.  Boring.  What else can do that is new? 

Laying here with my feet up, I've already received 3 comments from different staff members concerning my position.  I don't like drawing attention, but I am also somewhat practical.  If I'm going to laze around, I want my position to be beneficial.  The better I manage or prevent any swelling in my legs, the less injury and stress to my system.  Gotta keep thinking long-term.  I'll deal with some comments and curiosity, it's still better than hanging outside my room!

Now... Fun new exercise... What to do.  With my leg still up, I lift my butt off the bed.  Okay, new style bridging technique!  Lifting my right leg up, I twist my trunk and touch my right foot to the left side of the bed.  Not bad.  Repeat with my left leg to my right.  Well, at least this requires more muscle control than walking.  Bleah... Walking in this hospital makes me feel like a hamster running on a wheel and going nowhere.  This is better.

Flipping myself onto my stomach, my legs are still higher than my head.  Bent backwards, yikes, a very effective abdominal and hip flexor stretch.  Pushing my arms straight, I perform a couple push-ups.  Nice.  The semi-soft bed, constantly changing the pressure beneath my palms, makes a simple push-up into an activity requiring balance.  Can I lift one arm up?  Naw, if I fall, I'll get everyone in trouble.  For today, not worth the risk.  =D

Father God, thank you so much that even while stuck in the hospital, I've earned the trust of the medical staff so I have more freedom.  I'm allowed to measure and empty my own urine.  I can take a shower without the staff hovering over my shoulders.  I no longer get comments like "Make sure you tell me when you get out if bed so I can help you."  *shudder*  I also don't get told anymore to go for a walk.  Instead, when I tell the staff that I don't need Lovenox injections since I'm very mobile, they just say "okay" instead of the the arguments I used to get.  Now, when I make a suggestion in regards to minimizing my intake of anti-nausea medications... even though I still got some odd looks and doubtful glances, I don't have to fight and do a lot of talking to convince the hospital staff. Yay!

Lord, I guess I thank you that the medical staff is adapting to my oddness.  I still hate feeling "trapped."  I really dislike all the background buzzing, beeps, light, and lack of privacy.  My current roommate moans quite a bit and calls me to call her nurse for her.  The inescapable hospital smell of fecal matter, cleaning scents and dry air drives me up the wall.  But even with all these annoyances... I can still count the many blessings and laugh.

So Lord, I ask that you turn my thoughts away from inescapable annoyances so I can seek out the blessings.  Help me forge ever forward... not to look at where I am; but instead, help me see where I'm going.  In Jesus' name I pray, amen. 

Happy New Year everyone!  May you be blessed with much laughter, the creation of awesome memories and peace when times get tough.  Know that there exists an almighty God who loves you beyond all earthly reason.  Through the love of Jesus Christ, be blessed with always looking forward with joy and hope and love.  Love ya! --Kristy

 This is me, legs up, writing my blog in the hospital bed: