(un)Bound

I'm bored.  Well, that's not true.  I just don’t want to work on any of the projects I have lined up.  *wide grin* 

Flopping backwards on my bed, I flip open my laptop.  Let’s see… what should I look for?  Clicking on one tab to another, I surf the web.  I watch a little YouTube about refractory ovens, watch metal get melted, learn more about making jewelry, watch some survival technique videos, learn how to start fires and tan leather.  Then, the next thing I find myself doing is hunting through Amazon and eBay for materials in new projects I want to start up. 

At the corner of my eye, I notice the section of recommended stuff Amazon so nicely places to entice me to buy more.  Oh hey, there’s manga here that I’ve never seen before!  *drool*  I have not read manga for a couple months now.  Surprisingly, the hard-hitting cravings I used to feel aren’t strong... more like a constant dull ache. 

Since I was about 9 or 10 years of age, I've read novels or stories for multiple hours each day.  I’ve stopped maybe a week at a time, never losing the sense of gnawing need, but fighting hard to keep away and then failing.  My longest stint of non-reading is 40 days for lent a couple years ago… but never have I experience truly being free from reading until now.  By walking closer with God and putting him first in my decisions, I feel truly free.  I have more time, more hope, more joy, more satisfaction and more peace with my life than ever before.  No more heavy sense of guilt or pounding pressure.  Yay!!!

Casually, I click on a manga I’ve never heard of.  Eyes scanning, I read the synopsis.  Clicking the next manga, I read more.  By the time I realized what was happening, my eyes and hands were already busy hunting down the next interesting story.  Even just reading the short back-cover descriptions, the cravings hit me hard.  I _need_ to read more.  I don’t want to stop reading.  I can feel the chains coiling around my heart and around my mind.  My hands automatically move, my eyes scroll right and left.  My sense of self start to disappear into a deep black pit.  Stop.  STOP!  I don’t want this!  I don’t want to be back where I was before!

The deeper I dive into my cravings, the larger the monster inside me grows.  Hunger.  Need.  A senseless wave of compulsion.  Self-hatred.  Loss of control.  I feel defeated, enslaved.

I have two choices; I can choose to feed the gnawing hunger inside and temporarily calm the thrumming in my head; or, I can choose to seek Christ and take comfort in the fact that while I dwell in his presence, I am already satisfied and the cravings can’t get to me.  In the presence of Jesus Christ, I can find peace, freedom, and gain the choice in what to do with my time, my mind, my heart.

God, HELP!!! 

Please bring the curtain of safety down over my head and my heart.  Lock my eyes and my hands away from feeding this raving monster inside.  I’m scared of losing control again.  I don’t want to feel bound to reading in order to satisfy the endless hole in myself.  Lord Jesus, please fill the void that draws me to seek satisfaction away from you.  Please calm the grasping, churning, turmoil inside my body. I forgot the bondage and pain of being drawn into reading; reading past the point of enjoyment and into a prison of hopelessness, loss of control, guilt, and fear.

Lord, bring me close to your side.  Protect me from myself.  Teach me how to enjoy reading again without being bound by it. 

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Here's a picture of my co-worker and I attempting to walk in a sample 10XL pair of scrub pants:

Sun Stand Still

"Sun, stand still at Gibeon, and moon, in the Valley of Aijalon."  And the sun stood still, and the moon stopped... Joshua 10: 12-13

Ohhhhh... I'd love to see God in action like that!  What kind of prayer would it take to see the impossible happen... to see God come through?  I know God will answer as I pray in alignment with his promises so that his power and glory are demonstrated.  So... what should I pray for?  What _can_ I pray for that would bring God honor, demonstrate his power, and be in alignment with his promises?

Father God, I want that!  I want to see you in action.  I want to see my own version of the sun standing still at my work.  I want to see impossible things happen today so I can have more crazy God-stories to tell!

Thinking of what to pray for... still thinking...ah well, time to see my patient.

“Room five please.  Sorry, we’ve only got this room left.  Would you mind climbing up onto this mat today?  I know it’s a little high, but I have a little step-stool here you can use.  You okay up there?  I need to go grab some supplies so stay up there and don't fall off.”

This is ridiculous!  To ask a patient to climb up onto a chest-high mat and then ask them not to fall off?  I know that when we move into the new building, we get new equipment.  I know that nothing big is being ordered because it'll just be wasted once we move.  When we move... it was supposed to be in 2013, then summer of 2014, now early 2016?  Who knows when we'll move!  All I know is that right now, equipment isn't working and the risk of injury to staff and to patients rise as time passes.

Frustrated and annoyed, I pray:

God, this situation sucks!  Everyone’s working hard, but the lack of working treatment rooms really slows down the whole process.  We’ve got 6 treatment rooms right now, but two have mats that don’t work and one room is small so that treating the bottom of a patient’s foot is really really difficult!  To top it off, the office sink is clogged.  Grrrrrrr… God, can you just fix something?  Even one more room with a working mat would make all the difference… although, new mats would be even better!  *deep sigh*  I don’t know what to do about the sink; we’ve already asked for it to be looked at, but the process is so slow.  God, I’m fed up… can you just do something today?  Anything!

After lunch:

“Everyone, we can’t use room one for now.”

What?!?  A completely unusable room?  What in the world is going on? 

I watch a co-worker grab tape and place a sign over the office sink: “DO NOT USE.”  Well, okay, I know that this office sink is clogged.  Someone came earlier to unclog it, but that didn’t work so he was supposed to come back later.  *shrug*  Guess the sink got more clogged?  But what’s that got to do with room one?

Curious, I take a peek.  Black-colored water is steadily dripping from the sink and pooling over the trash containers, over the floor, and across the mat’s feet.  What in the world is happening?!?  One side of the room is coated in black-watery stuff!  Is that coffee grounds from the clogged sink?  Argh, I guess someone decided to wash their hands in the clogged office sink and because this treatment room’s sink shares the same pipe, the water evened itself out and poured out into our treatment room; one treatment room down... that leaves 3 working rooms and 2 rooms with broken mats.  God, what in the world are you doing?  I thought I prayed for stuff to get fixed, not more broken and messed up!

*deep sigh*

“What in the world are we going to do?”

“Why don’t we move the working mat from the flooded room one into room five where the mat doesn’t work?”

“Great idea!  Who wants to help me move the mats?”

Looking around, everyone in my dept is either super busy or injured.  Disappointed, I’m ready to give up.

“Why don’t you call some of the techs to help?

Couple phone calls later, the working mat in room one is moved into room five and room five’s broken mat is moved into room one.  YAY!!!  Praise the Lord!  That makes four completely working rooms and only two messed-up rooms.  Hurray!!!

Father God, sorry for doubting you.  Yes, you answered my prayer for an extra working treatment room, but the way in which the whole process occurred was totally unexpected!  I never dreamed that stuff would get so messed-up and crazy as the process you choose to work through in answer to my prayer.

God, thank you for all the support at work throughout the moving/fixing process… that everyone stayed calm so I stayed sane.  Thank you for the words of wisdom from co-workers, for fellow staff members not in our department willing to drop everything and come help, for the decrease in number of patients who showed up for their appointments so that the lack of rooms did not cause a stir.  Thank you for the timing of everything going wrong and even the timing of when things got fixed.  Thank you that the issue escalated so much that we potentially may get new mats to replace the two broken ones!  Thank you that the both the sink in the office and in treatment room one got completely fixed and are now even cleaner than before.  Hurray!!!

God, you listen to my silly complaints and you answer my crazy prayers… but how you go about doing so is completely unexpected.  *wide grin*  Lord, thank you for coming through for me and for my department.

In Jesus’ name, I give praise to my God, a God who cares enough to listen and to provide, amen.

What do I dare pray for next?  How will I see God answer?  =D  I'm excited!

So what did I learn?  Be careful how I pray!  Asking in the name of Jesus so that God will be glorified… God will answer, but I find he does it in his timing and in his way.  *wry smile*

Take care!  Hope you all are enjoying the increase in sunshine!

*big hugs* --Kristy

Me: Kristy

“No, it was your fault.” 

*shock*  Did I just say that?  “Sorry, Noel.  That wasn’t true.”

“You’re tired.  Lie down.”

Obediently, I lie down, close my eyes, and review the last couple of minutes.  What happened?  First I was happily reporting the fact that I finished my taxes for my jewelry business.  During the report, I reflected on how terminology can totally affect the outcome of what numbers go where.  Next thing I realize, I’m blaming Noel for wording something a certain way so that entering numbers on our upcoming tax return would result in paying more taxes. 

Fact #1, that last statement is totally untrue.  Fact #2, Money that belongs to the government should go to the government.  Fact #3, God’s always provided enough money in all situations… so why try to be stingy now?

*deep sigh* 

My heart just isn’t in the right place.  I don’t like this part of me! 

As I look at myself, I see a lot of dirt:  rough edges, self-righteousness, pride, self-entitlement, hatred, irritation, greed, enslavement to situations or activities… so much negative stuff.  The harder I look at myself, the more filth I see.  I really hate this selfish, money-grubbing, finger-pointing part of myself.  By myself and inside myself, I’m not a “good person” at all. 

In John 15: 4-5, Jesus says:

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

So… What kind of life results do I truly want? 

I want to be better than I am.  I want more than this internal filth that permeates my thoughts, my actions, my heart.  In my life, I only feel completely safe, completely clean, completely whole when I dwell in the presence of God.  I want more of the goodness, the sweetness, the joyful peace that I can only find when I “abide” in Jesus Christ.  I want Jesus as my role model, my end goal, the guide to my heart, my words, and my soul because I know he is better than anything I can attain by my own power.

As Jesus states, I can only be like him if I stick to him.  I want to walk so closely with Jesus and match my heart with his heart so that all my dirtiness washes away.  My soul is already cleansed through Jesus’ death and resurrection on the cross… but I continue to roll myself in mud and run to God once I realize that I’m dirty.  *wry grin*  I feel like a little kid who runs off to have fun, only to be grossed out by how dirty I got and so run back crying to my parent for warmth, security, soothing comfort and cleaning. 

To avoid straying onto my own path is impossible, but when I truly seek God, nothing is impossible for God… even the change of my heart and my attitude.  That’s what I want…  I want the impossible!  I want to be satisfied with what I have.  I want to focus on real issues and not get side-tracked by every little thing that pops into my head.  I want to take joy regardless of what this world throws at me.  I want to share the love that I’ve already received.  I want to be at peace even in the most stressful of situations because I know that God is in complete control. 

Lord, you’ve always provided: money, time, ways to deal with tough situations, strength… on and on and on.  What really do I have to worry about when I’ve got you by my side? 

Lord Jesus, I thank you for saving me from myself.  Thank you that you first loved me so that I can learn to love like you.  Thank you for calling me on my faults so that I can grow past them.  Thank you for never just leaving me alone to live by my own set of rights and wrongs.  Thank you for being a living example of what it means to follow God’s command.  Thank you for taking my burdens when I can’t carry any more.

Because of Jesus, I am saved, my wrongs already forgiven.  Continue to change my heart to see you, to know you, to abide in you.  I don’t like myself much when I stray from your side, so please keep me close.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Noel taking me home after our friend's wedding ceremony:

Chains of My Life

Delete.

The word resounds over and over again in my head with an irrevocable sense of finality.

I did it.  I really erased the manga app off of my iPad.  Years of reading, hundreds of stories bookmarked, collections stored… all gone with a single touch of my finger.

I know I can restore the app.  I know the names of some of my favorite stories… but never in my life did I ever dream that I would remove my own free access to thousands of stories.  Hours into days, days into weeks, and weeks into years of ingrained habitual reading… completely stopped in one night. 

By the grace of God, I can state that I want to choose Jesus Christ as the most important treasure in my life.  The hole that cannot be filled by my own actions, my own worth, my own thoughts… I crave the glimpses of complete fulfillment, of overwhelming joy, of deep peace… and I have only ever experienced these things to such a great extent when I hold Jesus Christ first in my heart; everything else pales in comparison.

However, I still crave the safety of mindless reading, of burying myself in fantasy worlds and in impossible adventures.  But I know that in order to gain the best, I need to let go of all my seconds.  I need to release my death grip on parts of my life that aren’t good for me… at least not to the extremes I take things.  Accepting God as my main treasure is an all or nothing proposition.  I cannot serve myself first and say that I truly serve God as Lord. 

My original intention was to nix my insane amount of reading and fill in at least a small part of the time with growing my relationship with God: understanding more of his character, knowing more of his power, dwelling in his presence.  Did it work?  Maybe a little… but honestly, I find myself struggling with new issues.  Instead of reading manga, I find myself using the time to delve into learning more about jewelry-making, editing and posting jewelry pictures on Instagram, tweaking my Etsy shop… and even more than these incessant pressures… what catches me off guard the most is online shopping. 

Shopping?  Yup, feels like I haven’t bought stuff in years!  Sure it’s great to shop for Christmas gifts online and finding great deals is a fun challenge; however, I catch myself feeling this pressure, this _need_ to buy things, not later, but right now! 

In whatever I do, I find myself always trying to fill this internal hole of need, excitement, and of challenge.  I have experienced that nothing comes close to walking with Christ, but at the same time, a huge part of me absolutely refuses.  Knowing the best and reaching for that best is difficult when there are so many other things which can provide a quick fix of instant gratification.  I frequently find myself accepting second-best, not because I truly want what it can give me, but because it’s easier.

Following Christ is scary: it’s uncomfortable, it’s difficult, it requires facing the ugliness inside myself and changing.  Following Christ requires truth.  It requires choices that aren’t always rational.  Following Christ can make me look really stupid.

All for what? 

Is having a personal relationship with God that much of a treasure it trumps everything else? 

The answer for myself is “Yes.”  To me, God is worth my everything and more.

I want to personally enjoy the presence of an all-powerful God who can create the universe and still know me.  I want to be completely enveloped in his unconditional love.  I want to be fully accepted no matter what I do or say or look.  I want to experience strength not of my own.  I want to have joy unrelated to any circumstance.  I want to know peace that in this lifetime is not of this world. 

Father God, I am unworthy, but you still love me.  I run, but you still seek after me.  I hide, but you still find me.  Thank you for never giving up on me.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for letting me experience your power.  Thank you for letting me sit in your presence.  Thank you for showing me that you are real.  Thank you for forgiving me even as I make mistake after mistake after mistake.  Thank you for being consistent in character and for always keeping your word even when I don’t keep mine.  Thank you for being gentle with me. 

Lord, there is nothing I have that you want.  There is nothing I can do for you that you cannot do even better… so Jesus, thank you for the free gift of your life that redeemed mine.  Help me honor you in the choices I make, this life I live, the attitude I have and the actions I perform… keep my eyes fixed on you and hold my heart close to yours.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

If I’m too lazy to write again before Christmas:

Merry Christmas everyone!!! 

Be blessed this season to experience the glory and peace of Christ.  Let’s all joyfully celebrate that because Jesus Christ came to this world, we are made perfect by the very acceptance of his gift, his life in place of ours. 

Picture of Audrey and I at our last South Bay Game and Dinner Night on Nov 25th:

Heart Check

“What do you treasure?”

Huh???  Lots of things are important in my life.  There’s Noel, my job, my hobbies… *mumble mumble* the list gets longer and longer.  Really, Kristy, you’re just avoiding the heart of this question!

Okay, okay… let me reword this question for myself:  “What stuff in my life do I not want to change or let go of?  Is there one key item that hinders my walk with Jesus Christ?”

I, who proudly proclaim that I am a follower of God, servant of Jesus Christ, one who says “God is to be first in my life and my focus”… can I honestly say that I place my Lord God first in all aspects of my life? 

Nope. 

Even without taking a good hard look at myself, I already know that there are many things I struggle with; my head easily turns away from following the one I choose to call Lord.  In my quick list of issues, there is one thing that even the very thought of stopping makes me cringe: reading manga. 

Sounds silly right?  *wry grin*

Every free hour, day after day, week after week… for over 18 years of my life… I’ve read manga.  For 10 years before that, I’ve read novels.  Before even that, it was picture books.  =O

Scarfing down story after story, escaping reality, living in the lives of made-up characters… this takes up a huge chunk of my life.  On the surface, I socialize fairly well.  I interact with others.  I work.  I serve at church.  I have interesting hobbies.  However, at the end of each day, I spend my face buried in stories.

All in all, reading’s not a bad hobby to have right?  Yeah… on the surface, reading in my free time really isn’t anything bad.  But, the key issue comes down to where my heart is. 

I believe that God blesses me with free time… to rest, to read… but why do I have such a hard time letting go of my reading?  Do I treasure reading above my heart for God?

Second question (well… many questions later), I ask myself: “Does my excessive reading prevent me from fully experiencing God?”

Yes. 

All hemming and hawing aside, I must confess that there are definitely times where I could better serve God if I took the time to know him more.  All the hours I spent buried in my novels… if even a fraction of that time was used to deepen my relationship with God… how much closer would I be to the God I serve?  How much better would I know the character and the love my God has for me and those around me? 

I believe that this world is a spiritual battlefield; and unfortunately, because of my slacking off, I am ill-equipped to fight.  Since I dare to call God “my Lord,” why then am I serving myself over him?  If my life is to live as a servant of Christ, I need to serve Christ first in all things.  If the purpose of my life is to glorify him, then my actions better reflect his character.  To call myself a child of Christ, my lifestyle needs to include his presence.

At the end of my internal debate... where is my heart? 

Do I want to choose God or choose myself? 

For me, what is truly most important? 

What is my one treasure above all others?

What do I live for?

Father God, please change my heart.  I keep saying I want to place you first in my life, but saying it and doing so are two different issues.  Lord, I want my actions to match my words.  I want my heart to be in line with yours. 

Forgive me, Lord, for saying that I follow you when a huge part of me continually puts you aside to place myself first.  To experience you fully, Lord God, I want to place you first in my heart and first in my life.  Help me do so.  Transform my heart, Lord Jesus, so that my eyes are fixed on you and not of this world.  I want to see you more.  I want to know you more.  May your Spirit speak your truth clearly into my heart so that I can fully live every bit of this life you’ve blessed me with.  Help me live fully for you and with you.  Lord, I ask that you remove the chains that drag me down.  Free me to clearly choose what pleases you because I know that when I follow you, I feel fulfilled in ways that pleasing myself doesn’t accomplish.

Lord, I ask for freedom in my choices, wisdom in my use of time, gentleness in my words, kindness in my heart and joy in my spirit. 

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Celebrating Noel's birthday:

Racing Days

Three, two, one, GO!!!

The flag drops, my tires squeal as the acceleration pushes me back into my seat.  Look ahead!  Coming up is a sweeping right turn, left, right, right again.  The harness holds me tight in my seat as the g-force sways me side to side.  My hands grip the steering wheel as I dance the car through a field of cones.  Sharp left, the tail of my car swings around setting me up for the slalom; a nice even pattern of left, right, left, right… break before the turn and back onto the gas again.  Apex that corner so my car can accelerate in a straighter line.  Bouncing over a random bump, I stay on the gas… this last turn looks really tight… don’t give in!  Keeping my foot hard on the gas pedal, I barely dive through the last turn into a hard breaking, tire squealing stop.  Shaking with adrenaline, I carefully pick up my time slip and slap it on the dash.  Gently, I guide my car back onto the grid for the next run. 

My heartbeat still pounds in my ears… I can barely even hear.  I need to plan my next run.  Where did I break too early?  Too late?  How can I take that fourth turn faster?  What’s the best angle to hit the slalom?  Can I blast through that last turn any quicker?  I need more speed, take tighter turns, and find the optimum racing line while avoiding the cones. 

Calming down, I unbuckle my harness and half stand, half roll myself out of my seat.  Standing on shaky legs, I crouch down to feel the tires.  The sun’s on the right of my car, that side’s tires are too warm.  Popping the hood, I let the engine cool a little.  I need to cool down the right tires by spraying the front tires with water, maybe a little water onto the rear tire too.  Let’s lower the front left tire pressure by 0.5psi and the front right by 0.75psi.  What else?  Hmmmmm, guess that’s good enough for now.

Noel steps into the driver’s seat, his turn to race.  I help to strap him in.  At the last moment, I drop the hood, give the car a final check and throw Noel a thumb’s up.  Time to see who’s faster! 

Ah… memories.  *deep sigh* 

This week, as I once again meet up with friends I made during my years of racing, the memories of my racing days hit me hard.  This is where I first met Noel.  This is where I really learned how to handle my car.  I miss the sound of squealing tires and burning rubber.  My hands still feel the vibrations of the steering wheel as my car and I squeeze through turns.  This is where I first experienced friendship in combination with competition.  Nice!

Lord God, you called Noel and I out of racing… then you took me out of paintballing and rockclimbing.  Part of me still hurts that I’ve had to place these hobbies on an indefinite hold.  However, Lord, you are an amazing God.  Lord, you don’t just take away, but in the place of my hobbies, you bring such great joy and give me even more things to do.  You show me the love of my husband, the beauty of life-long friendship, the strength of family, the limits my body can go beyond as I lean on your strength, the treasure that work really is, and the blessings of living my identity in you and not by anything I can do. 

Lord, I may be physically weak, but I do not regret this life in which I’ve chosen to follow you.  You give me meaning in my life, purpose in my path, and strength in my steps.  Keep my eyes focused on you.  Help me not to stray too far to the left or the right.  May my words and my life continue to be a testimony of your goodness, your mercy, and your power.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Noel and I with Alan, one of the first racing buddies I made almost 13 years ago!

Trusting without Boundaries

Flip, I casually flick another page in our scheduling book.  Eyes roaming, I double check to see who’s off and who’s working the weekend.  As my eyes scan the page, I freeze.  That’s my name!  What?  I don’t remember being notified about working on a Sunday in October.  What went wrong?  I thought I didn’t have my next weekend workday until November!

Rushing to my desk, I quickly type in my password to unlock the computer.  Clicking my work email, I open up the email with a list of my given weekends I acquired after a co-worker left.  Nope, no October weekend.

Heart thumping, I select the shortcut folder for work’s weekend and vacation schedule.   Tapping my cursor over “October,” I rapidly scroll down looking for October 12th.  Yup, right there, that’s my name.  Guess who ever made the initial email request missed noting down this one month.  Yikes, what if I didn't show up to work?!?!!!  *shudder*

Can I do it?  Will I be able to work a Sunday in the burn unit with no occupational therapist back-up?  Questions, concerns, worries... one issue after another pile up in my head.  Burdened and cornered, I decide to pray.

Father God, Creator of the universe… Help!  A huge part of me worries about my strength and endurance in being able to perform heavy transfers, lift weighty limbs, or even to have the physical stability to complete the entire treatment.  Father, I acknowledge that you are all-powerful, that you have complete control, that you know my capabilities and your provisions, that my life and my schedule can be fully guided by you.  Lord, no one will want to take this Sunday, it’s smack in the middle of a three-day weekend with Monday being a holiday off.  Plus, even if someone is willing to take this day, I don’t want to make anyone feel pressured.  *sigh* 

Lord of my life, I give this issue into your capable hands.  Either give me the energy, strength and endurance to make it through Sunday… or give me the help somehow and someway so that I can continue to honor you as I work on whatever day is given me.  Lord, I leave my worries at your feet.  Help me to lean on you... trusting that no matter what happens, you will be there to catch me and to provide for me.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

Okay Kristy… now I just have to chill and see where God ends up taking me.  *deep breath*  Don’t be anxious.  Don’t worry.  Instead, remember, to this point in my life, God has shown himself and provided over and over and over in more ways that I can even count!  So why not also in this situation?  I will choose to trust God to handle what I cannot control because I believe he is truly and fully in control of my life (even when I’m not) and that he is real.

Two hours later at the end of lunch:

“Hey Kristy, you’re working on a Sunday in October right?  The 12th?”

“Yup!”

“I’m scheduled to work on October the 11th, that Saturday.  Can we switch?  There’s something I want to do that Saturday.”

“Sure, I’d love to switch!  In fact, that’ll be so much better!”

Praise the Lord and a huge thanks to my friend (didn’t ask her permission so I’m not putting up her name)…  prayer answered just like that!  No pressure.  No begging.  No struggling.  No placing co-workers in uncomfortable positions.  No additional stress.  Just like that, it is done… issue resolved. 

Wow!  When God decides to move, everything falls into just the right place!  *wide grin*

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Father God, today was a loooonnnnggggg day.  In the morning, I worked along-side the occupational therapist who is usually stationed in the burn unit... she knows exactly who’s who and what’s what.  Yay! 

Lord, throughout the entire time, I can feel you by my side.  My heart sings for joy as my patients got to experience increased independence and many “first time doing this” situations!  My energy lasted in spurts just long enough to the point where I could escape to rest and recover.  Even during the times when I got tired in the middle of a treatment, my co-worker willingly took over all the prep work and running around for supplies while I either leaned on the linen bin to conserve energy or even the time I had to run out of the room to sit and rest.

All I can say, is that you, my Lord, are an amazing God who provided one thing after the other this entire day.  At the end of the day, I feel kind of bad because I started to complain.  It’s 4:00pm and I’m supposed to be leaving work for home… but that’s not going to happen.  I finished all my wound notes, but haven’t completed (or even started) the morning’s batch of inpatient notes... there are still _six_ notes that I need to complete!

Grumble, grumble.  I know that my attitude isn’t the best.  I really should focus on the myriad of blessings instead of the fact that I need to stay behind so that the next therapist will know about the patients’ progression, treatments I performed…

Stop. 

In all honestly, I know that if I really wanted to leave work, even with my notes not even started… I can.  It’d suck for the person treating the following day, but I have the choice in what I choose to do.  There is no “have-to”… there’s only “it’d be nice for the next person if I completed my work” type of issue.

Father, change my heart to joyfully serve in the full capacity you bless me with.  Even as I sit here at my desk grumbling, you give me the energy and physical stability to remain.  I’m not drained so much I need to run home to rest (surprising after a non-stop, intense type of workday).  So be it, I will choose to serve by completing my work… both to honor you and to bless my co-worker, the one who you used to answer my prayer in her request to switch weekend work days.

Lord, forgive my negative attitude, my selfishness, my misplaced sense of self-righteousness; instead, I ask that you give me wisdom in my documentation, focus to complete the notes to the best of my ability, and help me remember what I did in this morning treatments so that I can properly type and bill.  Give me your peace and correct my attitude.  Let me not work for myself but to do all my work as a reflection of my heart to serve you in worship. 

To my Father in Heaven, my Lord Jesus Christ, the living Holy Spirit… to you be all the glory and honor and praise.  Amen.

Noel and I with a sleeping cat and my many plush toys: