Wanting to do what I shouldn't

"You want to do what?"

"Ummmmmm... Paintball.  After I get that port (little box for easy intravenous access) placed under the skin in my chest... Can I play paintball?  You know, the sport where you carry guns and shoot each other with little balls of paint?  It's really really fun!"

*blink blink*

"I haven't played paintball since my surgery.  Even though I'm a lot weaker now, I wanted to play at least once before chemotherapy!"

"You can play if the port won't get hit, it'll hurt."

"Uhhhhh, if pain was the only issue, I wouldn't be asking and I wouldn't play paintball.  I have a very high pain tolerance.  So... regardless of pain, can I play paintball?"  *hopeful look*

"Well.... You can play paintball only if you guarantee that the port doesn't get hit.  It's placed just under your skin so if you're not careful, the skin will tear."

"Oh.  *super deep sigh* no matter how much padding I wear, there's no guarantee I can avoid a hit.  Maybe, just maybe... if I ask to have the port placed lower on my chest... then I can bend forward and protect the area! Yeah!  Maybe that will work?" 

In response to my comment, I get a look filled with incredulity, incomprehension and doubt.

"Okay, okay.  Maybe not... no paintball.  Don't worry... this time, I'll be good."

I'm I that weird?  Are my words are incomprehensible?  *downcast demeanor*  Being told I can't do something... well... now I wanna play paintball even more!  *deep sigh* My pride's not worth screwing up the minor procedure required to place the port in...  I'm irritated!  Rwar!  I hate being told I can't do something!

Father God, thank you that in my week of weakness, you strengthened my body for a day to hang out with friends... many whom I haven't seen in years!  Thank you for giving me the strength and health to be outside again.  I love feeling the sunshine, gentle breeze, laughter with friends.  Thank you, Lord, for giving me an opportunity to smile, a time of hope.

In Jesus' name, I ask for you, Lord God, to bring peace and joy to my friends and family as you have to me.

Friends from childhood and college years!  =)

Me and my precious friend, Suzanne!  Love ya lots!

Noel and I feeding a ram at Tilden Little Animal Farm.

Romans 15:13 (NIV)
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.