When I'm not capable...

Wednesday, Feb 13, 2013

Lord, I'm so confused!  I know you've given me gifts... things I'm naturally good at.  There are also things I'm very much NOT good at.  Why, God, did you place me in a position as an adviser to other leaders?  They're way more talented than me, have much better ideas, are able to articulate their thoughts clearly in a precise manner... everything I'm not.  I feel like I'm getting a close-up view of what I cannot do, cannot say...  I can clearly see what I lack.  I don't have the natural "follow me" charisma.  I don't have super wildly creative ideas... I'm not even good at pin-pointing key issues to address and how to address them!  *sad face*

I feel as if I'm placed in the wrong position.  God, you can't really want me here right?  I bumble around, make unclear suggestions, don't have a clear vision of where to lead the group nor how to "advise."  Instead, I struggle to participate, feeling as if I'm grasping at straws in a whirlwind.  I feel unbalanced.  So what am I good at?  What can I do?

Father God, you've given me the heart to love people for who and where they each are at.  You've blessed me with the knowledge that I need to clear away the smoke and find the source of an issue and directly address that.  Lord, you've given me the gift to talk directly with you and know that I'm heard... that you will answer.  Father, I'm blessed to know that when I am weak and need to lean on you... that's when I see you the most clearly at work.

In my despair, in my hopelessness, in my uncertainty and fear... the rest is all you, Lord God.  I can honestly say that my role as an adviser... I can't do it.  I need you, Father, by my side.  My gifts and strengths are to follow and work with others, to polish the ideas of others... as a follower, how do I advise?  As I struggle with my new role, I start to realize that you've never asked me to lead.  God, you only require that I focus myself to intentionally be led by you... and through you, Lord, you will handle any issues that arise.

Father, thank you for showing me so clearly tonight that I am exactly what and where you want me to be within this group of gifted leaders.  My "job" isn't to lead, but to follow with my eyes desperately fixed on you.  My strength lies in my weaknesses: my confusion, my inadequate use of language, my feelings of frustration and fear, my inability to properly express my passions and my goals.  Because of my many weaknesses, Lord, I lean on your strength and your wisdom.  What better leader is there than you?  I will use my weaknesses to support and encourage others... to be a stepping stone so that others may reach ever higher.

So Lord God in heaven, I lift your name in praise... for my strengths and for my weaknesses.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Quick Blog Notice:

Wednesday, Feb 13, 2013

If you haven't noticed yet... my blog posts are getting more infrequent... about twice a month.  *sheepish grin*

I can write more often, but refuse to write for the sake of writing!  *smirk*  I want to write when I'm most passionate about a topic or examining an idea and working it out in my head.  So yup, let's see if I can crank out my thoughts tonight!