Falling for the first time
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Noel's going to pick up my meds. Yup, more medications. There's like 3 or 4 types for nausea alone. Yikes! I'm so medicated right now up and down, left and right are kind of difficult to place. Everything's all kinda floaty and fuzzy.
Where are my keys? Poor hubby is looking everywhere upstairs. Maybe I have the keys by the door? Getting up, I stroll over to the kitchen. Maybe I have my keys by the garage door?
*blink blink*
Why am I sitting on the floor? I find my hand clutching my right cheek and neck. How come? What happened? What was I going for? Why does my cheek and neck ache? I see the oven in front of me, steel handles gleaming. I hear hissing. Is the stove on? I see no fire. In the distance, I hear Noel's voice... ummmmm, why do I hear so much worry? That's not like him.
Time flows. A second pass or a minute? I can't tell anymore. Noel is beside me, his voice a little panicky "What happened?"
Still feeling light, my voice replying in the distance: "I don't know. I tried to search for my keys and somehow I am on the floor." Still dazed, my ears search for the sound of hissing. Noel must have noticed the hissing as well. His eyes scan the stove top knobs, one is skewed and turned on. With his right hand, he turns off the stove, his left arm still cradling me. Ummmm, did my cheek or neck turn on the stove? Maybe. I must have hit something. *shrug* Glad I didn't get cut. The doctors are really big on getting an infection and cuts right now.
Did I black out? I've never lost consciousness before. Usually, I'm proud to say that can gauge when my blood pressure falls too low and lean my body forward to recover. Must be all the medications. Guess I can't trust myself to monitor my own body when everything's so "not quite here" feeling. Bleah... there goes my "I can do it" and "I'm not a fall risk"... right out the window.
Father God, thank you for this safe learning experience. As I learn my body's new boundaries and reactions, thank you for keeping my safe. Thank you that Noel was there to turn off the gas stove. Thank you that I didn't get cut. Thank you that I didn't fall down the stairs.
Lord, you know I hate being this weak, this dependent... but I can still move. I can still think... barely... but I'm here. Each day after chemo, my mind becomes more clear. I dread going back and getting my next treatment round... but Lord, whatever you want. I told you that and I mean it. Just... keep giving me the strength, hope and courage to take each step with confidence. Continue to guide the doctors so they can help heal me and not mess me up more. Help me be aware of my body and symptoms that the doctors should know to provide the best treatment possible.
Father God, thank you for everyone around me... without everyone you've placed in my life, I don't think I could live this joyfully, this hopefully, this securely.
So, Lord, I lift your name in praise and thank you for helping me trudge on in my unexpected life you've given me to live.
In Jesus' name, amen.
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| Pic by Stephen. Resting after a short walk in our community. |
