Video

For those who like listening.... here's a short video update about my cancer treatment 

*hiding in a corner*  Watching myself is weird!

May 2013 Update
 

Cancer Update: What's new?

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Can you believe this is my 100th blog post?! Did I really write that much?  =O  Ummmm.... maybe I read the counter wrong?  100 blog posts doesn't seem possible!  *shrug*  I'm too lazy to check.  *wink*

I apologize for taking so long to write.  I’ve got a lot to say, but at the same time… I don’t quite know how to say it…. So here it is... the newest of the new update concerning my health:

April 3, 2013  Routine CT scan with contrast of my chest and abdomen.

April 11, 2013  Email from my doctor saying she wants to see me tomorrow.

April 12, 2013  Get my CT scan results: “multiple hyperenhancing soft tissue lesions in the pelvis, concerning for recurrent disease.”  Largest area is 1.7cm.  Four separate areas are specifically documented.

April 12-14, 2013 Transparent young adult retreat... God timed everything perfectly to give me a place and time to quietly reset myself!

April 22, 2013  Appointment with my oncologist: 7 lesions noted when my CT scan was reviewed.  I will start oral chemotherapy medication (Temodar 120mg) for 10 weeks. 

May 4, 2013  Chemotherapy medication arrived in the mail.  10pm: I take my two capsules. 

May 5, 2013  5am: Wake up to vomit.  8am:  vomit.  So not fun!  On the other hand, this is my fault.  I believed that since I’ll just be starting the chemotherapy, that I wouldn’t be nauseous since the concentration hasn’t built-up enough in my body.  Wrong… I feel like throwing up so much my jaws hurt from clenching my teeth together.  I give.  I give!  There’s no way I can live without anti-nausea medications while on this chemo drug!  After taking 4mg of Zofran, most of my nausea is gone.  2pm: nausea returns… so I take 2mg more of Zofran (quarter pill).  7:20pm: I give in and take 4mg of the anti-nausea med, Zofran, along with my chemo medicine (Temodar).  11:30pm:  not bad… slightly queasy, but nowhere close to throwing up!  YAY!!!  At this rate, I’ll probably need to dose myself with some sort of anti-nausea medication throughout each day… I’m not letting this medication leave my side!  Throwing up is so NOT worth my preference for avoiding or minimizing use of medication.  =D  Kristy can be taught!

May 6, 2013  Maybe I didn't learn well enough.   Tried taking the Temodar without the Zofran... after 2 hours, I again start feeling queasy... take a quarter piece of the Zofran.

May7, 2013  Not feeling so good first thing at work in the morning... guess minimizing the use of the Zofran isn't so smart?  Fine, fine... I'll take another quarter piece!  Good thing this anti-nausea medicine works quick!  Throwing up at work wouldn't look too good.  =O  Maybe I should try one-eighth a piece of the Zofran?  Heheheeee... it's already hard enough to cut up quarter pieces!  *smirk*

Plan:

*If the chemotherapy medication works, I will get surgery to remove the cancerous areas and then continue the regime of oral chemotherapy (Temodar) for 6 months.

*If the chemotherapy does NOT work, I’ll get surgery anyways to remove the cancerous cells and trial another form of chemotherapy afterwards.

Upcoming:

*blood-work every 2 weeks

*CT scan in early July

*Consult with oncologist and surgeon on July 8, 2013

Father God, I’m so confused.  I don’t know whether to cry, scream, pound the walls and break-down in fear that I have to go through another cancer treatment....  Or, should I rejoice that life’s definitely not boring and I again have stuff to blog about and stories to shareof your great power in action?  *smirk*  I must be crazy right?… to enjoy this kind of painful challenge?  *wink*  Yeah... I'm crazy!

First hearing about the confirmation that my cancer is back… I feel lost.  Rushing emotion swirling around with nothing to grasp for stability.  Buffeted by my emotions and the emotions of others… painfully unbalanced, trying my best to grasp at anything stable, feeble hands tearing at nothingness.  In all this, only you, Lord God, stayed constant. Because of you, I feel... 

Peace                      Calm 

          Hope             

                                              Joy            

                                Stability 

   Security        

                    Safety  

                                                         Strength 

                                                                        Courage  

                                          Power

By myself, I flutter and float on the slightest breeze.  Only when I’m fully plugged in with you, Father God, can I handle the power and strength given by so many others without getting burnt.  Only by you, my Lord and my Savior, can I harness the strength to keep moving, to keep my priorities straight, to look ahead into the unknown, to find true rest.

Blessings upon blessing I have received.  All my doctors are quick to respond and of one accord in regards to my treatment.  Part of me really wants this round of chemotherapy and surgery to be my last round… but I also am comfortable with the idea that you, Lord, are in full control.  Even my initial denial for surgical care at Stanford was turned around in two days!  There was huge confusion in regards to getting my chemotherapy medications... and at just the right time, Lord, you got it to me.  From the very day I take my new medication to my future doctor appointments… everything in my life, Lord, you have shown me your power and your provision, your perfect timing… from the people I meet to every conversation I’m blessed to have… you are a God who loves me so much and gives me so much to live for… what else can I do but live this life you’ve blessed me with?  Teach me to live my life to the fullest!

In Jesus’ name I give my thanks, amen.

This is Noel and I at our young adult retreat on April 14, 2013

Where I stand

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Today, I rest outside.  Sitting in the sun, reading God's word, meditating on my life... where I've been and where I'm going.  Vrooooommmmm... what?!?  The gardener is cutting the grass.  Wow look!  The air is filled with dust motes and grass particles.  Flickering light, glancing off small blades of grass, dancing and floating in the breeze.  Beautiful. Ummmmm... maybe not so neat?  Looking down at myself, my skin is coated in a thin film of dust and particles of grass.  *grimace*  Brushing at my skin, the dust just sticks to me even more! 

Huh?  It's quiet again? Just like that, the gardener is gone.  Looking up, I quietly watch two ravens chasing each other over rooftops.  Birds chirp. Bugs crawl.  My lemon tree is finally growing new leaves and starting to bud.  YAY!!!  I can't wait for home-grown lemons!  *drool*

Sudden gusting wind.  Swaying trees.  Little tree buttons pinging against the house.  A black bird lands to rest then disappears.  Fragile blossoms plucked petal by petal, flying in a haze like drifting snow.  Lashing wind, rustling leaves, creaking branches, glimmering light.  In the abrupt absence of wind, there is silence.  Calm.  Peace.  Gently swaying shadows.  Floating dust.  The quiet made more apparent by the violence of the wind before.

Swirling around me is God's creation.  Power.  Sound.  Depth.  Life.  Trees rooting deep, weathering the wind.  Broken and torn but alive.  Reaching.  Growing.  Enduring. 

I want to be like a tree.  I want my roots planted deep and firm.  I want my arms always reaching higher and higher into the unknown.  I want my life to flex during strong winds.  To stand strong... always growing, always changing, never giving up.  I want the strength to support others.  I want the courage to be supported. I want a heart to love as Jesus loves.  I want to serve with humility and not pride.  I want my hope based on God's promises.  I will live my life filled with purpose.  With God leading the way, giving me strength, direction, courage... I will stand, defiant in any storm. 

Come.  Stand with me.  Two are always stronger than one.  Three even stronger.  With all the friends and family I have and God by my side, I cannot fall, at least not very far.  *wry smile*  I may stumble, I may bend... even crack... but in Christ Jesus, I will live this life too the best of my ability. 

God, where you lead, I will go.


Father in Heaven, thank you for my health.  Thank you calling me your child. Lord, thank you for being my strength, my courage, my heart.  Lord, I thank you that even as I get overwhelmed, you know me better than myself and provide rest, a place and time away from the business of life to reset myself in you, in your presence, in your word.  Thank you, Lord, for cleaning my heart once again.  For your protection.  For your peace.  My hope and my life really are from you.  Without you in my life, I wouldn't be the Kristy people know right now.  So Lord, I thank you for changing me, for making me a better person as I walk after you, for healing the hurts and the pains in my life.

This freedom, Lord, only through you have I ever felt this freedom.  Even as I dedicate myself to serving you, I feel more free than when I serve myself.

Lord, thank you for blessing me to be in this world, but not of this world. Thank you, Father, that you've called me to travel through this land, but not to settle here.  You have a place for me with you later, but right now, right here, you've called me to this place and this time.  I love this life Father God. I want to live every bit of this life to the fullest!  I love the people you've brought into my life, the situations both good and bad I've had to struggle through and in, the fun, the laughter, the joy and your hope.  I can't imagine any other place, any other life.  I want this one I have.  I don't want to ever leave.  But Lord, you've called me to live this life not to settle here and be comfortable, but to live as if I only have a little time to pass through... to tell my story, to live so that you shine. 

I'm not created to live this life forever, everyone dies.  So Lord, I ask that as I live this life you've given me, that you help me make the most of it... to thrive in the face of adversity, to shine in the darkness that life can be... to bring hope, to show your power, to prove that you are real.  This life isn't mine to live.  Lord, I gave my life to serve you many years ago, I give it to you again.  Do with me as you will because I know that living as you've called will be better than anything I can imagine for myself.

I have more freedom in you, more joy in you, more love with you, more hope in you.  Lord, you are my life.  Give me the courage and strength to live this life as you've called, to not shy away from the hardships.  don't let me avoid danger just to be safe.  Give me the ability to walk forward boldly for you and with you.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen .