Rest... Again?!?

Friday, June 21, 2013

I grew up sipping alcohol.... a little here, a little there.  =D

As a kid, I made rice wine from scratch and drank it in a sweet rice wine soup with little colored mochi balls.  So yummy!  Around the house, there’d be bottles of concord grape wine I used to sneak a sip or two.  So sweet!  *wide grin*  Then during Christmas, my family got these little chocolates filled with different types of liquor… those were really fun to try!  In college, I loved sipping hard lemonade… lemonade with alcohol, one bottle would last me the whole night.  Didn’t really like anything else, but definitely have fond memories of foods and drinks with alcohol in it.

Now, I’m allergic to alcohol.  The responses I receive vary from disbelief to casual “oh, you get red in the face?”  I wish… if alcohol resulted in only a change in facial coloration, there would be no issue from my end.  Instead, I’m really REALLY allergic to alcohol (or something in it) that my body gets more and more sensitive to every year: super sore throat, hoarse voice, stuffed and runny nose, dizzy like my body can’t react to moving objects very well and tired… really really tired.  So far, this only lasts about 3-4 days before I’m back on my feet.  

If you want to kill me, give me a shot of alcohol.  *smirk*

Why do I mention this?  Well, starting last week Thursday (June 13), I started to get symptoms of what I thought was an alcohol allergy.

Thursday: onset of sore throat (warning warning!!!)

Friday: fatigue… so hard to focus, left work at lunch.  Canceled a pre-planned hangout and went to sleep.

Saturday: cancel planned paintball activity and slept all day.

Sunday: so tired!  Dragging myself through work… 3 patients took me the whole morning.  Couldn’t last so had to go home.  Sleeping again!

Monday:  went to work, coughing and super tired.  Left after only 3 hours with my voice going hoarse… no more energy, getting itchy… went home to sleep.

Tuesday:  couldn’t get up out of bed.  My most successful distance traveled: bed to couch!  Skipped my acupuncture appointment, couldn’t drive, really itchy!

Wednesday:  Back to work.  So hard to focus… left work halfway and went home to sleep. 

Thursday:  First full successful day at work!  That night, I was able to participate in the College Welcome-Back Night for our young adult Transparent fellowship.  Hurray!!!

Friday:  Coughing my way through work, no longer so dizzy… Yay!!!  Home to rest after successfully completing another 8 hours!!!  Done!!  Okay... time to sleep.

See a pattern yet?  =(

Father in Heaven, when you tell me to rest, I totally get slammed down.  I know chemotherapy can make a person tired, dizzy, weak… all that kind of bad stuff… but you’ve blessed me so much that except for a few instances of nausea and vomiting, you’ve given me the gift of being able to keep running forward.   

This past week, hitting a physical wall, I’m totally stunned!  I know rest is important and getting tired with not being able to work while on chemotherapy is partially expected… but somehow, I never felt that that would be me.  My intention during this chemotherapy trial is to work full time,  run on the paintball field, chase neighborhood kids… doing all kinds of crazy stuff.  From being super active to being completely immobile within a couple of days shocked me so much I kept thinking my fatigue and set of symptoms are from an unknown source of alcohol.

Nope... turns out I've hit my medication threshold.  My body is now not very happy with the chemo medication... too much of it in my system.  Actually, I should have expected this.  *sigh*  Every time I take a medicine for prolonged periods of time... I get some sort of physical reaction.  After a short rest period where my body can clear out the medication, I can restart the medicine without any symptoms until I again hit that invisible barrier.

Lord, you are truly amazing!  When I didn’t have the strength to work, you provided a schedule light enough my co-workers could carry my load and let me leave early.  When I wasn’t safe to drive, you allowed me to be so physically weak I couldn’t even consider making it to work… thereby enabling me not to get stuck at work unable to drive home.  Father, you even cleared and moved my weekend schedule in such a way that I could rest.  God, with my first full day at work yesterday, you enabled me to be present in the college welcome night… leading a game in a hoarse voice but still making it possible for me to talk… amazingly, as I served this whole Thursday night, you gave me enough energy that I didn’t feel super drained.  =O

Thank you, Lord God, for your abundantly crazy provisions!  Even the food you provide from so many families at church and Noel's family… Father, without that blessing, I don’t know what I would have done… this past week, I had absolutely no energy to cook, clean, and sometimes barely enough energy to brush my teeth.  So Lord, because of your constant provisions, I will always continue to sing your praises!   

This week, I got an early break from taking my chemo medication so my body can recover.  Supposedly, I restart my chemo meds next week.  I’m really scared.  If I’m this weak these past 8 days without chemo… what will happen to me when I restart?  *shrug*  Not in my hands.  I can't foresee the future so, Lord, I leave my future in your hands.  Plus, I've seen you open doors and provide in situations where an otherwise positive outcome didn't originally exist!

Father God, you’ve given me this life to live.  I will not shrink from living it.  You’ve led me into many situations I don’t like being in (like this whole cancer thing), but as I walk with you on this journey… to have you by my side… it’s all worth it.  You love me so you’ll grow me.  I trust you and want to return even a fraction of your blessings so that others can experience you too.  For that purpose… for the ability to experience more of you… please keep walking with me.  Keep letting me get into impossible situations that only you can get me out of!  You, O Lord, are so real in my life. Thank you for all these opportunities to know you more.

In Jesus’ name, I lift my Lord God’s name on high, amen.