Heart Check

“What do you treasure?”

Huh???  Lots of things are important in my life.  There’s Noel, my job, my hobbies… *mumble mumble* the list gets longer and longer.  Really, Kristy, you’re just avoiding the heart of this question!

Okay, okay… let me reword this question for myself:  “What stuff in my life do I not want to change or let go of?  Is there one key item that hinders my walk with Jesus Christ?”

I, who proudly proclaim that I am a follower of God, servant of Jesus Christ, one who says “God is to be first in my life and my focus”… can I honestly say that I place my Lord God first in all aspects of my life? 

Nope. 

Even without taking a good hard look at myself, I already know that there are many things I struggle with; my head easily turns away from following the one I choose to call Lord.  In my quick list of issues, there is one thing that even the very thought of stopping makes me cringe: reading manga. 

Sounds silly right?  *wry grin*

Every free hour, day after day, week after week… for over 18 years of my life… I’ve read manga.  For 10 years before that, I’ve read novels.  Before even that, it was picture books.  =O

Scarfing down story after story, escaping reality, living in the lives of made-up characters… this takes up a huge chunk of my life.  On the surface, I socialize fairly well.  I interact with others.  I work.  I serve at church.  I have interesting hobbies.  However, at the end of each day, I spend my face buried in stories.

All in all, reading’s not a bad hobby to have right?  Yeah… on the surface, reading in my free time really isn’t anything bad.  But, the key issue comes down to where my heart is. 

I believe that God blesses me with free time… to rest, to read… but why do I have such a hard time letting go of my reading?  Do I treasure reading above my heart for God?

Second question (well… many questions later), I ask myself: “Does my excessive reading prevent me from fully experiencing God?”

Yes. 

All hemming and hawing aside, I must confess that there are definitely times where I could better serve God if I took the time to know him more.  All the hours I spent buried in my novels… if even a fraction of that time was used to deepen my relationship with God… how much closer would I be to the God I serve?  How much better would I know the character and the love my God has for me and those around me? 

I believe that this world is a spiritual battlefield; and unfortunately, because of my slacking off, I am ill-equipped to fight.  Since I dare to call God “my Lord,” why then am I serving myself over him?  If my life is to live as a servant of Christ, I need to serve Christ first in all things.  If the purpose of my life is to glorify him, then my actions better reflect his character.  To call myself a child of Christ, my lifestyle needs to include his presence.

At the end of my internal debate... where is my heart? 

Do I want to choose God or choose myself? 

For me, what is truly most important? 

What is my one treasure above all others?

What do I live for?

Father God, please change my heart.  I keep saying I want to place you first in my life, but saying it and doing so are two different issues.  Lord, I want my actions to match my words.  I want my heart to be in line with yours. 

Forgive me, Lord, for saying that I follow you when a huge part of me continually puts you aside to place myself first.  To experience you fully, Lord God, I want to place you first in my heart and first in my life.  Help me do so.  Transform my heart, Lord Jesus, so that my eyes are fixed on you and not of this world.  I want to see you more.  I want to know you more.  May your Spirit speak your truth clearly into my heart so that I can fully live every bit of this life you’ve blessed me with.  Help me live fully for you and with you.  Lord, I ask that you remove the chains that drag me down.  Free me to clearly choose what pleases you because I know that when I follow you, I feel fulfilled in ways that pleasing myself doesn’t accomplish.

Lord, I ask for freedom in my choices, wisdom in my use of time, gentleness in my words, kindness in my heart and joy in my spirit. 

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Celebrating Noel's birthday: