Toileting

Burning.  It hurts.  Hurt so much!  What's going on?  My vision is blurred.  I can't see!  Everything I try to look at is a smear of color and soft light. Groaning.  Moaning.  Confused.  Panting.  Being cradled.  Sitting on the toilet.  Right?  Left?  Falling?  I feel gentle hands cradle me.  Who?  Lost.  Lost.  Head leaning on someone's belly as try to catch my breath. Help!  Help!  I can't breath... so tired!  Hurry.  Hurry.  Painful.  Palpitations.  So dizzy!

I remember Karen's words, "God wants us to ask for healing.  He wants us to ask for those desires of our hearts and I think he wants to give us good things he wants to heal."

I need to pray!

Father God please help!  Help me breathe.  Help me focus.  Give me peace.  Take away the pain.  Give me strength.  In you I can do all things!  Get me beyond the dizziness.  Help me make it through this ordeal.  Steady me.  

Strong arms wrapped around me,  Cradled gently, my body is held upright as my bottom is washed by running warm water in gloved hands.  Soft pats dry, clean and rub my butt.  Eyes half-open, I'm instructed to hold on tight.  Lifted up from the toilet, my arms lock tighter around my husband's neck as his hands scoop underneath my thighs.  Butt swinging in the the open air, another pair of hands pull on diapers.  Sitting efficiently in the walker seat, feet dragging on the ground, my younger brother, Chris, zips me to bed.  Once I lay in bed again, my body relaxes.  My whole body hurts.  I'm so sore from not being able to move!  My legs have no strength.  My arms are scrawny bones.  But praise God I live!

Picture of me in bed with Chris: