Learning to Listen

Thursday, August 6, 2015

"I'm sorry."

"God forgives you."

"Will you forgive me?"

"What you said really hurt; but God forgives you."

"But will you forgive me?"

Silence.  "Fine."

Argh!  Not quite the response I'm looking for, but that just means I must have said something very hurtful.  What is it?  I'm not sure.  I'm apologizing because I can see that I really hurt Noel... but how?  What did I say and what did he hear?

God, beats me what I did wrong, but I did something.  Give me wisdom when the time is right to completely resolve this situation so that it doesn't happen again.  Give me ears to listen and a heart to understand.  Give Noel and I a time to really talk to each other; openly, honestly, and without hurting each other. 

In Jesus' name I pray, amen. 

Sunday, August, 9, 2015

"Noel, can I ask you about the night you got grumpy?  I know I apologized, but I want to understand what you were feeling and thinking so that I don't make the same mistake again."

"Huh?  I don't remember.  What night?  When did I get grumpy?"

If he can't remember, is it a big deal?  *deep sigh* 

I don't want to make the same mistakes over again so I need to know more.  What really happened?  I can't run away now.  I need to face my failures head-on.  I want to minimize future hurt for both of us. 

Deep breath in.  Pause.  Letting the air seep from between my lips, I prepare myself.  Even if I look stupid or sound dumb, I need to learn more about the communication between Noel and I. I hate doing stuff like this.

"A couple nights ago, you were complaining about dealing with traffic every day, hating the long drives.  You were talking about how work is very stressful in combination with my chemo treatments and feeling very frustrated.  Then I said something about God placing you in your current job and the location he's called you to serve in... I can't quite remember either, but something I said made you feel bad.  I remember feeling bad that you are so stressed and I couldn't help.  From my end, I was trying to comfort you by speaking of God's purpose for you and the hardships he's called you to... that he grows you because he loves you.  On your end, what did you hear?  What part of my words were you reacting to?  How did you feel?"

"Oh, I remember now.  I needed to vent.  Instead, your reply made me feel that the job I'm doing is not doing enough.  That I'm not working hard enough.  That my effort isn't appreciated.  I just want you to listen."

Father God, thank you for providing a resolution in how to deal with a similar issue in the future.  Thank you for a deeper understanding into how Noel thinks.  Thank you for creating a time I can really listen to Noel share about his thoughts and struggles; I really enjoyed tonight's talk.  Thank you for keeping my mouth shut to listen and stopping me from interjecting my thoughts, comments, or any advice.

Lord, I will continue to pray for my husband's well-being.  I ask that you bless Noel with patience and calm as he drives through traffic with increasingly inattentive drivers.  I ask for your provision in wherever you call Noel to work.  Give him wisdom to prioritize, a heart to love on his co-workers, focus, flexibility, energy to face long hours, and unshakable faith that he is exactly where you call him to be.  Open his eyes so he can see the path you're walking him through.  Keep his eyes fixed on you so that you will shine.  Provide so that Noel knows he is not working by his own power but by yours.

God, give me the heart to just listen when my husband needs to vent.  Give me the wisdom when to stay quite and the right words when you want me to speak up.  Father, I submit my heart to you.  Lighten Noel's burden as I cannot.  I want to carry some of my husband's load, but instead, me and my body are a burden.  If I can't speak words to help and to heal, I can pray.  So Lord, be the support my husband needs.  Give him the strength, courage, faith to keep moving forward.  Give me the right attitude, heart, eyes and ears to be what able to accomplish what you've called me to do.  Give me the ability to serve and show my respect to my husband for all that he does.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.    

God blessed me by strengthening my body enough that I was able to enjoy the 2015 Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit!  Thank you God for using the classes to give me the wisdom and courage needed to speak up and work things out with Noel.  Here I am enjoying the sun and cool breeze after my last day: