Saturday, April 16, 2016
Watery fecal matter pours from my body. Ate Nora spends all night cleaning me. Right after I'm clean, my body pours acidic fecal matter like water! When will this stop? One day? Two? Cycle after cycle with no reprieve. I don't even need to eat or drink and my body dumps liquid acid! Where's all this gunk come from?
Over and over, everyone, especially Ate Nora coxes me to eat and drink. I bite myself firmly, groan, and scream in frustration... but I dare not harm myself. I don't think anyone really understands. I need the external stimuli to stay sane. Strategically hitting myself, using cold packs, and squirming keep me grounded in the here and now let's me know I'm here even without control of this body.
Friday , April 21, 2016
I haven't slept in over 24-hours... Well, dozing off for half an hour doesn't really count does it? I scream to God for help with the repetitive and unending pain. I attempt to watch Netflix to distract myself. The blow dryer keeps me warm or creates a different sensation. Continuously, acidic fecal matter seeps and I squirm in pain. Getting cleaned, I feel myself flinch and cry, beg and moan. I dislike myself. So much for high pain tolerance... I'm all worn out and have none left.
Father God, I'm so very tired! There's talk of placing a fecal tube up my butt. Even though warned of the is comfort, I find that I want it... even if with my crazy water fecal incontinence, the tube May last only a day... there would be some relief from the acidic sensation that rolls through. In the end, the idea got nixed and I find myself very disappointed. However, Father, I know that whatever is happening, I may not know why... But nothing is out of your control.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
I'm now on intensive hospice care and got a nice lecture regarding the fact that I'm going to die anyways. The lady tells me, "Don't struggle so much, you do know that you're on hospice and will die soon. Accept it and just take pain meds."
I nod my head... She ddb't care about what I had t say... she just wanted me out of my blatant misery.
Lord God, I will trust in your provision. I may not understand why things are happening the way they are, but into your care I g e my life.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Eating well... My Dad and I with large living sea urchin we're getting ready to eat:
Ate Ńora and î playing around at night:
Kristy! You're an inspiration. Thank you for sharing and I am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteKristy your smile is a reminder that Jesus prevails and is with you always. You are a true warrior for Jesus. You inspire us all. Especially me! I love you! I continue to pray for you. HUGE Hugs!
ReplyDeleteYou put me to shame Kristy. I have stage 4 endocrine cancer of the liver. I sometimes cry myself to sleep till my medicine goes into effect but it's nothing compared to yours. I can only offer my pain up for you and pray to the Lord to ease yours!
ReplyDeleteKristy. By far the strongest person I know, you are a true inspiration. You are an embodiment of faith tested and unwavering. As other people have said before, true warrior of Jesus. I'll continue to pray for you. It pains me to always see you struggle through this. I just wanted let you know, I love you! Keep soldiering on. BIG HUGS!
ReplyDeleteKristy, I don't know you but my heart breaks as I read your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. You are so strong and brave. May our good Lord be with you and I pray that you will continue to cling to Him.
ReplyDeleteDear Father in Heaven, Please comfort Kristy at her time of need! I put my trust in your will. I pray that she be surround by Angels and the Holy Spirit. Please also comfort Noel at the same time. In Jesus name I pray!
ReplyDeleteYes Heavenly Father, Your Spirit makes Kristy light and confident. She is such a sweetheart. Please deliver her as you have many times before. She is my new inspiration. Thank you Lord for Kristy. In Jesus we pray. Amen.
ReplyDeleteKristy, just last night I have learned of your current state from a mutual friend. I want you to know that I have been keeping you in my prayers and thoughts. I hope for serenity and strength to be by your side and grace to keep you close to all of our hearts. I pray and asked him for just any small miracle in which I know he has heard. God bless...
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