Broken in Body Only

I fear going to sleep.

Recently, at night, my abdominal area hurts so much that I can't move, can't sleep... I feel hopeless and weak and broken.  The pain meds take 25 minutes to kick in.  Once the meds are working, I can start to move again; but until then, every single abdominal muscle twitch or external pressure feels like I'm getting torn into two.  Praise God that this only happens at night.

My doctor has to wait until the test results are in.  In the meantime, I'm scared.  I don't want another surgery!  I just want the physical problems to go away... but things have been escalating fast these past 2 weeks.  *sigh*

I don't want another tumor, even if it's supposed to be benign. Grrrrrrrr... at least, I want the doctors to find out the cause of my problems.  Not like the last time; my first mass took them over 6 months to find and then longer to do something about it.  *grimace*

For now, I pray:

Father in heaven, may your name be praised.  Thank you for creating this body, even though it's broken and hurting.  Thank you that I can still move, that I can still feel, that I can still serve, that I can still see.  Even as my body wears out, Lord, please work in my heart so that my attitude, words, and actions may reflect your presence in my life.  Help me to make the most of the time you've given me (not like I plan on dying anytime soon... still got way more stuff I wanna do) and give me the strength to keep serving: my husband, my work, the youth ministry, my friends and my family. Please help the doctors figure out quickly what's wrong (I wanna know too).  And Lord, please either just heal me or provide the appropriate people/techniques to heal me completely.  Give me the strength to do as you've called and may my actions speak louder than words how important you, Father, are in my life.  May my lifestyle bring you honor, and may my heart sing your praises!

All this I ask and more... In Jesus' name, amen. =D