The Good and the Bad

The Good and the Bad

9-16-2011

Life can really suck... or it can be really great!

Back in 2008, I had a benign mass of tissue removed from my small intestine that was larger than the size of 2 fists combined.  Yikes!  Two-and-a-half years later, my body grows another mass.  This time, the mass is already larger than a single fist.

On Wednesday, I see my primary doctor at Santa Clara Valley Medical Center to decide where to go from this point on.  She palpates my abdomen.  No pain.  The tissue growth is difficult to feel so she pushes harder.  The primary concern is that this the second large mass in my abdomen.  The question is why and what is causing it.  Neither of us know.  

As I leave the doctor's office, my body hunches forward.  Maybe the abdominal palpation aggravated my tissue growth because now I ache deep inside.  I have trouble standing up straight.  Bummer, I hate looking broken or moving like something is wrong, gets too much attention.  I work here.  I don't want to look like a patient even if I am one!

I can see my life in two ways: my life sucks and I can't run around, move, or eat like I usually do; or, that life is a blessing and I can still function enough to work.  I'll focus on the latter.

My body isn't perfect, nor is it as toned as I prefer, but I can walk.  I can work.  I still have my feet, my hands, and I can still treat my patients.  Yay!!!  I may not do things as quickly and effortlessly as I prefer, but when I put my mind to something, I can still do lots of stuff... I just have to hold back on paintball, rock climbing, and stuff like go-karting.

The best part is that I know I am loved by my husband, my family, my friends.  Beyond that, I continue to see God's love for me through his constant provisions like this last-minute doctor request for some blood testing.  God frees up time in my work so I can get my blood sampled during work hours.  Yay!

Still, I dread getting my blood drawn.  Well, not the action of the needle sliding through my skin, but I'm dreading the super long lines.  I hate waiting!  

Walking into the reception area... wait, is there no one here?  Am I in the right place?

Stepping forward, I reach out my right hand to pull a number.  Before I can rip my number off the roll a lady walks out and says, "I can see you now.  Come in."  What??? No line?  Nice!!! 

While we walk to the back room, the lady tells me that the line was so long yesterday that people waited over an hour to get their blood drawn.  Praise the Lord!  Even seemingly impossible things can be made possible by God.  *grin*

Father in Heaven, thank you for letting me see your blessings!  Even when things don't go my way, it's going exactly as you've planned.  I don't know why I have to be sick or sometimes feel bad... but at the same time, I get a chance to know a little more about what others go through when they suffer physically.  I can better understand what my patients feel when they hurt or feel hopeless.  Thank you that I have this opportunity to learn a little more about perseverance and pain so that I can better connect to others.  Thank you for blessing me with the understanding of how draining a poorly functioning body is.  I want to get better again, but may I never forget what's happening now.  Thank you, Jesus, that I have hope in you, that I'm not struggling on my own nor having to depend on my own strength.  Thank you, Father, that I can pull hope, peace, courage, and strength from you. 

In Jesus' name I thank you Father for all you've done and will continue to do, amen.