Maui, Hawaii

Monday, October 7, 2013

Mask, check.  Snorkel, check.  Flippers, check.  I don't need anything else right?  *shrug*

Tentatively, I step forward, awkwardly maneuvering my enlarged flipper feet in the loose sand.  Wave after wave slide along the sand, eroding my base of support.  Suddenly, a larger wave crashes into me.  Tumbling and rolling, fighting to stay upright, bubble and air, water, sunlight, sand.  One last roll and I find myself sitting chest deep in water.  Well, I'm in.  No use backing out now.

Mask sealed tight, snorkel clenched between my teeth, I plunge my face into the water.  Hesitantly, I take my first breath.  Fresh air flows in.  Relief!  Breathing with my face submerged is unnatural.  Quelling my rising panic, I force myself to relax.  Softening tension-filled muscles, I allow myself to rock with each passing swell.  Now, another breath, stay relaxed, keep floating. Slowly, kicking my flippers for forward propulsion, I join my sister and youngest brother.

Silver, black, red, yellow... long, thin, sleek or bulky, ignoring all human presence, fishes of all sizes and colors swim and feed below.  Corals and thick-spinned sea urchins sit on scraggly rock surfaces.  Under a choppy ocean surface, clear ribbons of light thread through calm and playful waters.  Soft blue liquid churns white, infused with a screen of bubbles as wave after wave crashes against solid black rock walls.  A large sea turtle glides below, a rising of the head up then down, a single strong stroke of front flippers and the turtle quietly disappears under a rocky ledge.

Staring in wonder, I don't know how much time has passed.  Looking up, I see that the rest of my family is present.  My other brother is now here as well. Surprisingly, besides my dad is my mom. Wow, she actually made it out in these choppy waters!  Floating, we come together as a family.  It’s been many years since our last family vacation... I miss this, the memories of before and the new memories we create together now.

Thank you, Father God, for allowing me a fun-filled, exciting day of fun at the beach.  Thank you for giving me the strength to casually float and watch your amazing creations under water for close to 2 hours!  Lord, I know my body isn't normal anymore and that this one day of fun will cost me for the next day or two... But I'll treasure these memories and this opportunity to be outside with my family.  Thank you for blessing me with being able to go outside and have fun, see new sites, experience new things with the people I love.

Father God, I want more time to hang out with my family... am I being too greedy?  I want to go out and do more stuff, but I just physically cannot.  Sometimes my body is so weak that I feel dizzy standing.  Other times, I only have 15 minutes between restroom breaks.  There's a huge part of me that wants to please my family, give them a good time doing "family stuff."  My family is very thoughtful... they want to stay behind, keep me company so I don't get left out.  More pressure, more stress.  Unable to please, unable to participate... I feel like I’m a burden.  I want to please my family and let them experience the fun of Maui… and my family wants that for me… with them… together.  Grrrrrrrr…. God, this body of mine is so disappointing!  It is good to know that I am loved, wanted… but I’m tired.  I am so tired of always explaining why I can’t eat something when a tasty morsel is offered… why I can’t go out, just to lay on the beach or maybe snorkel a little… why I can’t go with my family to check out cool sites like Dragon’s Teeth or a black sand beach or go shopping.  I’m tired of saying I have to leave only to be pressure to stay longer when I can barely hold myself together.

God, this vacation is filled with such highs and deep lows.  Every moment that passes, I never know when my body will act up.  Lord, God of my life, in your hands I will continue to trust.  I thank you that there are good moments… because of the tough times, I can more clearly see how good the good times are.
Continue to bless me, guide me, provide for me.  In Jesus’ name I ask, I plead, I pray.  Amen.

Kauai

Saturday, September 30, 2012  (sorry folks... typed this and forgot to post it!)

Standing outside, I stare in wonder at a full moon.  Funny, I see a full moon every month, but how often do I really look around me?  In awe, I stand outside on the lanai (outdoor balcony), gazing in wonder at a world blanketed in soft silver.  To my right, waves crash over and over and over.  White foam sprays and dark waters gleam.  Below me, the earth is dark, moist with rain.  Above me, soft clouds drift by, obscuring stars.  Gently, the sea breeze flows by, pushing leaves to flutter past.  Soon, holes open in the dense cloud layer allowing stars to shine through as bright pinpoints of light.

Sudden shower, waters pour.  

Playful wind with dancing leaves. 

Peace

Calm

Quiet.  

In the short time I stand to stare at the alien world around me, the sky lightens.  Soon, the silver clouds glow pink with edges of vibrant orange.  A wave of warmth spills over me as the rising sun climbs through the cloudy sky.  Brighter and brighter shines the sun, new light and shadows surround me.  A rooster crows once then twice.  Birds start chirping little calls, then louder and louder more sounds gather.  From my right, a cool sea breeze stirs the humid air.  I watch crashing waves churn and foam, turn from silver gray to a crystal green-blue tipped in white.  More and more birds raucously appear with fluttering of wings to now swaying branches… stretching, preening and feeding.  Startled, I look down, no longer is the earth a monochrome dark, but now filled with rich reds and varied greens.

Thank you, Father God, for giving me eyes to see, skin to feel, and ears to hear.  As I watch the crashing waves, rolling clouds, swaying trees and soaring birds… no two moments are ever the same.  Thank you, Lord, for the wonders of this earth.  Thank you, Lord, for the beauty and intricate details of your creation.  Thank you, Lord, that I am given this opportunity to experience this constantly evolving world at this very time, in this very place.  Thank you for renewing my spirit in your presence.  Thank you for giving me peace as I spend this time and this day with you.

Lord God, I ask that today, tomorrow, for the duration of my life… open my eyes to see you, teach me to glorify you.  Father, creator of heaven and earth, I want more of you in my life.  I want to walk where you lead, I want to serve as you call, I want to live this life pleasing you more than myself.  Lord, take my selfishness, my pride, my stubbornness and redeem my faults for your glory.  Give me your joy, your peace, your love… one different from any I can grasp in my own hands so that this world may know that you alone are God.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.