Many Blessings

There's so much I want to write... lots of stuff about the fun I have at work, how special my husband is, how great my family is, how much I treasure the people around me! I think about all these things in detail, but then get too lazy to blog it. *sheepish grin* Someday, I hope to get more of my thoughts out there. Right now, I struggle with blogging vs reading manga online... it's easier to just read manga instead of taking the time to write out my thoughts. *wide grin* That's why my recent blog posts are so short. *smirk* I'm lazy and easily distracted! =D

When I blog, I'm tempted to write using people's names as I tell my stories... but since everything is so public, I want to provide people with privacy as well. Hope no one feels offended that I chose to not use names... if you're mentioned in these blog posts, hopefully you'll know it's you. *wink*

A lot of people ask me, "how come you're so calm with this cancer thing?"

Why am I so calm? I believe that my peace comes from knowing that God has a purpose for me and for this cancer. I believe that my personal relationship with God, one-on-one, allows me to appreciate the challenges I've face and how each one has grown me. I believe that my life is worth something, even though I don't know what that something may be. I believe that my attitude reflects the hope I have because of Jesus Christ, for my life and the impact I can make.

I know that I am loved... even more so now than if I never had this cancer. If my body was perfect... I wouldn't need to depend of others, I wouldn't know what true community is, I wouldn't need to break down and let others into my personal life. Because of this cancer, I am so blessed! I see the love of my friends at work... the care they have for me, the way I can depend on each one of them, the special conversations I've had when each person shows me their encouragement and support, the intentional gift of time and even money so that I can have fun before chemo. I am touched beyond words at the love I've been shown.

At church, I'm gifted with food that people specially cooked or bought and delivered (even with horrible traffic) to bring to Noel and I, I receive words of support and wisdom, I get lots of hugs and the abiltiy to just be myself.

At home, I get to see how much my husband treasures me, the care he takes when making me food, cleaning up after me when I'm just totally lazy, listening to me as I toss ideas at him from leadership issues to finances to future health and chemo plans. My parents and family on both side clearly demonstrate their care, concern, and support. There are even people who I have never met who support me and pray for me. What more can I ask for? I get to live my life and not feel alone, I have hope instead of despair, I live this life fullfilled and not empty... I am blessed with all these things and so much more... but it's because I can't depend only on myself that I have this strength and this strong sense of being cared for.

Whereever I turn, I feel more loved, more supported, more encouraged now than ever before. This isn't because the love, support, and encouragement weren't there... it's always been there! My pride and feelings of independence created a sense of self-suffienciency where I felt like I did't need help... I can live on my own two feet... but I sometimes felt kinda lonely too. Right now, I'm loving the sense of community that comes from inter-dependence. I'm not alone... I have so many people I impact and that have a great impact on me. I'm learning that as my body breaks down, I'm stronger than ever because my strength isn't from myself but from those around me.

I thank you, God, for the blessing of my cancer. I don't need to live long, but I want to live life to it's fullest. Thank you, Lord, that I'm not created to be independent, but to live supported and supporting others as a family and in a community. Thank you for the fullness of this life I get to live. Thank you for the thousands of blessings I have received. Thank you for the constant love, support, and encouragement that strengthens me. Thank you for the fun and hope, peace and joy that I'm being blessed with. Lord, may those around me also be blessed as I am blessed, not with my trials, but with your peace, your hope, your strength, and the joy in this life that can be found in your presence.

Lord Father in heaven, my words and my praise to you is inadequate... but may my thoughts, my heart, my feelings come through clearly.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.