Loosing my hair...

This past Tuesday after work, I dragged myself into the shower. I love warm water, but hate getting out cold. *smirk* I place shampoo on my hands and run it through my hair. What I didn't expect was a lot more hair on my hands than the norm. Is my hair supposed to fall out already? Dunno, I forgot to ask the doctors... I just know that loosing my hair is something I'd have to deal with "later."

Guess I have to deal with it now. *grimace*

I clean the tub free of my loose hair... towel myself dry... and find MORE hair everywhere. Okay... this is going to be really annoying!

For these past two days, my hair is falling out faster and faster. The doctor stated that hair normally gets shaved about a month after chemo starts... I've only had my second treatment of chemo and this is only the second week... ummmmmmm.... guess it's the start of my third week?

I need to start facing reality. I'm loosing my hair... fast. My hair now falls out in long strands that can be braided easily into bracelets. =O I look around this morning and see mini-piles of hair stuck to my shoulders, my toys, my pillow. I run my fingers through my hair and remove fistfuls of hair. *shudder* This is really gross! I feel like a walking, shedding, human furball. *sniffle*

I cry a little as I think of shaving my head... I know that my hair, or lack of it, will not change who I am... but I've always had hair that I'm proud of showing off. *grin* The way my hair is right now... I don't even dare to touch it because more will just come off in my fingers. I don't dare to brush my hair... I don't dare to get it wet... I don't dare to pull my hair knowing that it'll just fall out.

Practically thinking, keeping my hair now becomes more of a disadvantage, a source of irritation and stress. Everyone already knows I'm going through chemo... shaving my head will just be a visible reminder that I'm not as healthy as I wish I was or as healthy as I sometimes feel. *sigh* Besides the visual difference, I will not change... actually, I should feel better to be free from the prison my hair is starting to become. Inside, I'm at least hoping to keep my eyelashes and eyebrows. I'm too lazy to put on make-up daily and I really don't wanna look like an alien. Side perk... I won't need to shave my legs. *wide grin*

Father in Heaven, thank you for giving me the courage to face what's going on in my life. Thank you that I have the full support of my family and friends as I walk down this path filled with change and what feels like difficult decisions. Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes and giving me the strength to deal with the here and now... to not be made into a prisoner, trapped by fear.

Please give me the physical strength today to spend with my siblings when they come over... to help me do crazy chores like strip wallpaper, paint moldings, or even do a little yardwork. I ask, Lord, that you please give me the energy to spend time with my family before my brother leaves for China. Bless us with a day of fun family time, great memories, positive teamwork, and even joy as I later will ask them to shave my head.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.