Footprints!... I want more

I still remember the day I was asked to check out CFCC Hayward's youth ministry named "Footprints!" Me? A counselor? No way! Noel's great with kids, but me? I'm a total introvert, don't know how to connect with people much less youth kids... and you're asking me to consider leading a bunch of teens... teach them about God, role-model being passionate for Jesus, and perform leadership tasks? Are you crazy? *smirk*

Yes... my God is crazy! *wide grin*

God definitely knows me best! These 5 years as a youth counselor have been wonderful! I've learned to break down tasks into manageable sections, communicate with my student leaders and fellow counselors, push past my introvert safe shell to reach out to people I don't know... I've learned to open up and share about how I really feel and the challenges I face... I've learned to be more than myself when God's called me to do crazy stuff!

Looking back... each step of the way, each new challenage... I didn't always like being scared or out of my comfort zone... but because I faced each difficult/uncomfortable situation head-on, leaning on God for wisdom, support, and courage... I'm more than I ever dreamed I could be!

Today (well yesterday Feburary 4th), I sat at our semi-annual microretreat (an overnight meeting consisting of adult counselors and youth leaders), wondering if God is calling me to continue being a youth counselor. Should I still even be here? I've missed like 2-3 Friday nights in a row because I've been too tired and overstretched myself doing too many things. Am I more of a disruption in small group as a counselor who's always missing? How can I support my student small group leader and advise her if I'm not present? Moreover, I'm super sporadic on my currently non-existent weekly follow-up phone calls! What kind of counselor am I?

As an events team advisor... I haven't taken the time to train my co-advisor... or focus on growing my two youth events team members! What in the world am I doing? I haven't been doing my "job" as a counselor seriously since my chemo started. I'm using chemo as an excuse to escape a duty I promised I'd participate in for a year... can I stop halfway? I'm sure I can back out if I asked... but do I really want to?

Thinking back on this microretreat... so fun! As a whole leadership team, we worked together to slide down a concrete slide coated with sand on a small cardboard... 18 people using only a small cardboard 5 times! Then we carried water in small cups in our mouths while swinging across monkey bars... splashing most(or all) of the water up our noses and down our shirts. With the water we managed to carry through 2 sets of monkey bars, we filled two water guns and took turns shooting the water to fill a bucket. YAY!!! The activity took longer than expected, but the teambuilding activity turned out great! The kids really worked well together!

After this, we got into our groups to discuss our upcoming plans for this Feburary through July term. So fun! I'm really excited for the potential growth and creative opportunities my events team as planned! *jumping up and down*

Late in the evening, we did an activity called Heartbreaker. We pick names, then pray about what we will share about that person: a positive thing, then a challenge for the person to improve upon, and finish with another encouragement. This activity took us 2.5 hours! I love it... this is a time we take to support, encourage, critique, and grow each other... Everyone participates and multiple people chime in. Kinda scary because I never know what's going to be said about me, but at the same time... always uplifting and heartfelt.

Being here in this microretreat... I don't want to leave. I don't want this time to end! Here, I feel cared for, safe, challenged, and excited to plan for future activities... I want to see God grow these children more and more... I want to see these student leaders be stretched outside of their comfort zones and reach out to others out of the love and excitement they each gain from personally knowing a loving God and Jesus' sacrifice. I want to be a part of Footprints... even if it's just a little longer!

Father God, help me to commit to going to all Footprint activities even while I'm going through chemotherapy. Lord, give me the strength and the excitement to participate in youth group even if I'm not feeling well. Give me the strength to be there for my student leaders and small group leader. Lord, please continue to grow me, be my strength when I have none left. Lord, I ask that while I'm still getting chemo... may I not miss a single Friday or Saturday Footprints night. Help me to participate fully as a youth counselor and not make any excuses to skip out from my duties that I feel you've called me to perform. Lord, I feel at peace commiting to serving the rest of this new term as a youth counselor, so please give me the strength to be what I am not so that I can be present to support and advise and grow your children. Help me role-model what it means to follow you, a loving and all-powerful God, with faith in action. Help me to live my life so that you, Lord Father, will be glorified. Keep me healthy, keep me strong.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

This is a song we sang at church today that I found really matched my thoughts and feelings:

Hillsong - Mighty to Save - With Subtitles/Lyrics - Mighty to Save DVD

Everyone needs compassion,
Love thats never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Well everyone needs forgiveness,
Kindness of a savior
The Hope of the nation

(Chorus)

Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save
Forever, author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender

Thanks everyone for reading! I feel so honored that you take a part of your week to follow my blog. I hope that my life and my thoughts may inspire and challenge you to face life... that you will really enjoy the many blessings you are given and overcome challenges with joy that you will become even more than you are now.

My friend also posted some videos... check them out (top right column of this blog page)! *wide grin* It's some of my thoughts in a different format... still trying to figure out where to take it. If you have any ideas, please let me know!

Thanks for your support! *big hugs*
Kristy