Going forward, keep hoping

I'm wrestling with myself about what to write.

How I feel? Symptoms are still the same after chemo... nausea, weakness, fatigue, dizziness... only my fingers feel a little more numb and my legs always feel heavy. This time will hopefully only last a week so I can have a week of freedom to play!

Anything interesting happen? I went to my friend's baby shower and got to learn a lot about kids and the delivery process! =O Scary and really cool at the same time... things I never knew... *wide grin*

Right now, I'm still playing dedective in regards to my chemotherapy side effects so I continue to amuse myself with what options I have, how I can minimize my symtpoms, and what I can do to feel better quicker. Yay!!! A game! =D I'm the type that likes to DO stuff... if I ever believe that I have absolutely no control over my situation or how I feel, I have a tendency to drift off into hopelessness. In order to avoid that... I keep asking God for something I can do... a different approach... a unique perspective when considering my options and my circumstances.

I worry that as my body settles down into a routine... how will I react? What will my attitude be? What happens if and or when I start to lose my week of freedom where my symtoms are minimal... will God continue to give me a way to hope? To endure?

I believe that my answer is "yes!" God will carry me when I can no longer carry myself... I just need to keep looking up and outside of myself. I'm happy that I'm not going through this cancer and chemo alone... God's here with me and you're also here to support me! I have so much to live for... hopelessness is not an option!

Lord Father in heaven, the unknown is scary, but thte known can be a emotional trap as well. Thank you that you've given me the ability to assess my body's condition and modify my lifestyle and diet to minimize the chemotherapy side effects. Lord, I still worry about my future. I worry about the pain and nausea I may go through if I mess up... I feel like I'm placing myself in a lab experiment and testing myself... it's interesting, but scary at the same time. Please give me wisdom as I continue to modify the medicines I take, the foods I eat, the activities I perform...

Regardless of what happens, Father, please keep my eyes and my heart focused on you... in my life and my actions and my attitude, I want to see your glory and your power.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.