Pushing the Limits

Gotta exercise!  I'm fed up with being weak.

All day, I'm sitting around working on my jewelry projects, squatting in the garage making a jewelry stand and tools to help facilitate my jewelry-making process... but the truth is, all of my recent activities are fairly immobile!  Yeah, yeah... I know I'm not feeling my best, that my body continues to act up, that I'm not as strong as I used to be.  Reasons and excuses... I want to be strong again!

Pulling out my iPad, I place it on Noel's desk.  Opening the YouTube app, I type "exercise video."  A quick scroll, there!  There are three young girls exercising.  I can copy them!  The whole workout, including warm-up and cool-down, is only 20 minutes.  I can do that. 

Blah blah blah... fast forard the introduction and safety explaination.  Ahhhhh, here.  The exercise part is starting. 

Stand with foot hips-width apart.  Small arm circles: forward and back.  Large arm circles: forward and back.  Slow high knee march.  Jumping jacks with arms coordinated to match.  Side-step.  Done!  Just in case, I did the warm-up at a slower pace.  I'm ready to tackle the exercises.  Bring it on!

First exercise: high-knee forward and back hops... how about I just step forward and back?  I can't seem to get any height in my attempt to hop.  Next: forward and back lunges.  I'm doing okay.  My legs are getting a little wobbly though.  Push-ups?  I think I can do one, maybe two... let's modify this.  I'll do these push-ups off the edge of my bed.  This should be easy enough right?  One.  Two.  Three.  Four.  I can already feel my arms.  Five.  Six.  Sevveeeennnn... Eeeeeiiiiggggghhhhhhtttttttt... I'm barely able to let myself down much less even push myself back up!  Come on, just a couple more! 

Wow.  My arms are shaking.

Now down on the ground?  What?  Oh planks with my forarms on the ground and my body straight for a minute.  That should be no problem.  Again, I'm wrong.  Part-way through, my arms are burning, my mid-section is drooping, my shoulders are sagging.  Ah whatevers... I made it through and that's what counts.

Next, in a push-up position, walk your hands to your feet and back out again.  Nuh uh, not happening.  Can't do.  I'll use this time as my rest break and water break.

A couple abdominal exercises later, cool-down and then done!  I made it through!  Hurray!!!

As is, I'm tired.  Stepping out of the bedroom, I head to the kitchen for some water.  Taking one step going downstairs, I realize I need to be careful.  Real careful.  My legs are litterally shaking from fatigue!  Carefully, I hold the handrail with both hands.  Gingerly, I take one careful step after another until I reach the ground floor.

Yikes!  Am I really that weak?  The Kristy toned-down, super-modified, exercise program drained my energy just like that?  I barely did anything!  Dang. 

More than a little shocked at my own weakness, I am determined to progress my activity and regain my strength... or so I say.  It's now the third day after exercising.  I havent worked out at all.  Why?  Ever since that little bit of exercise, my body is rebelling.  It's not just about being tired... tired is expected.  Instead, my body is over-reacting by being irritable with all the foods I eat... even basic ground beef with salt, pepper and a little garlic/onion with rice.  Foods that should keep my body stable are now not working.  Do I have a new unknown food sensitivity to something?  Is my body reacting to being tired from exercise?  I don't know, but I'm scared.  I'm already so limited in my food options, I don't want any new food issues! 

God, help!

Father God, help my body calm back down.  I thought I knew what I could safely eat and what I couldn't.  Now, I'm confused.  I hate it when my body over-reacts.  Running to the restroom is not my ideal way to spend a day.  Being tired from exercise would be nice, but I just feel "off."

Lord, I don't know what's going on... but I'm so thankful that you allowed me a break from chemotherapy.  The sarcoma doctor plans to place me on another oral chemo.  I don't know what it is or why, but I'm super grateful that the appointment got delayed!  If my body's acting up even now, 5 whole weeks after my last IV chemotherapy session, how much worse will my body get if I'm placed on a new oral chemotherapy now?

Father in heaven, I thank you for your provision and for your mercy.  You know what I can handle.  You know my breaking points.  You allow me to get stretched, so close to breaking, but never broken.  In your presence, Lord, I continue to grow.  My physical strength is almost non-existant, but my spiritual strength comes unendingly from you. 

Thank you for the strength in my mind.  Thank you for the joy in my heart.  Thank you for the strength in my hands.  Thank you for time: this time to recover, this time to rest, this time to enjoy life with my husband by my side.

Lord, into your hands, I place Noel's job-hunting situation, my health, our household finances, my jewelry making and business, my heart, my hope, my dreams.  Thank you, Father God, for such a wonderful and fulfilling life, time to spend with family and friends, time to relax, time to recover, time to dream.  In Jesus' name, I shout my praise into the heavens for all the blessings you've poured, and will continue to pour, into my life.  Amen.