Watching Over Me

“I can go ask.”

Huh?  Who said that?  No one’s immediately around me.  Scanning farther around me, my eyes fall on two people I’ve never met before.  Maybe they had a question?  Smiling at them, they smile back.  No other response.  I probably heard wrong.

Continuing onwards, I head towards a nearby bench to greet a bunch of boys, each busy playing on their handheld device.  Every step I take, I feel a tugging.  A tiny voice in my heart is saying “Go, talk to those two people.”  I don’t want to.  “Go talk to them.”  Don’t wanna!  Stubbornly, I walk past the two people I’ve never met.  They’re busy in a conversation with each other; anyways, why should I bother them? 

As I give each boy a hug, the tugging gets stronger.  “Go talk to them.”  Argh!  Glancing over my shoulder, the two people look fine.  They’re not looking around… in fact, they're busy eating lunch.  I don’t want to disturb them.

"Go."

Pause.  I finally stop.

Excuses and more excuses.  If God’s going to be so insistent on calling me over to talk to these people… why am I so stubbornly resisting?  Dang it, I hate being pulled out of my comfort zone.  I prefer to shy away from people I don’t know.  God, can’t you just call someone else to go?

A sense of comfort.  A reminder: I said if God calls, I’ll follow.  God can call anyone he wants, but he chose to call me for a reason.  This tugging sensation isn’t disappearing.  Stronger and stronger I feel the pull.

*deep sigh*  Who am I to say “no” to God?

Fine, God.  Yes, yes… you’re calling so I’ll go.  I don’t know what to say or what to do, but you gotta lead this conversation okay?  You be in control because beyond saying “Hi,” I have nothing else.  Father God, you know I hate starting conversations.  I’m scared.  I don’t have the words.  I hate interrupting… so you better lead! 

Deep breath in and slowly out.

Lord Jesus, give me the heart to love these people as you love them.  I follow you in your footsteps.  Lord, you talked to tons of people, got placed in situations where you were not appreciated.  Here at church, this is my home turf.  I’m safe.  Give me your comfort, your peace, your courage as I intentionally approach these two people.  I don’t know them, but you do.  Open my eyes and my ears to hear what these people really have to say.  If they really do need help, give me wisdom to help at the root of the issue… to not just hear their words, but to hear their heart.  If this is your will, help me bring them your love.

A couple of steps.  I’m already here.  Standing with the sun shining, my shadow falls across the table.  Looking up, the two people stare at me.  Pasting a smile on my face, gentling the thumping of my heart, I gaze first into the lady’s eyes and then into the man’s.  “Hi, my name is Kristy.  Are you new here?”

The tugging finally stops.  I am where God wants me; right here, right now, participating in this conversation.  Relief.  Gentleness.  A soothing sense of comfort.

“Ah, so you were jumping around and dancing so much last night that your knee hurts to walk.  That really sucks that you have to walk long distances to get food from local churches and shelters.  Can I take a look at your knee?  Mind if I touch?  You’ve got a little bit of swelling here… do you mind if I try a taping method that may help relieve some pain?  It may not stick well because you have some hair here.  If the taping works, great!  If it doesn’t… *shrug* At least we tried it right?  Here, let me grab you some ice from the kitchen.  That feels so much better huh?  Make sure you take small steps with lots of rest BEFORE your knee starts complaining; otherwise, the swelling will build up fast and you’ll be in more pain.”

God, you are really amazing.  Even as I struggle against obeying you, you patiently and insistently call.  You didn’t give up on me.  You love me and you know me: my wants, my needs, my desires.  You also love this married couple enough to bring us together so that all three of us are blessed.  The man’s leg was hurting, his wife was worried… they didn’t know what to do or where to turn.  If I didn’t listen to you, I could so easily pass by on your gift: the provision of this meeting, the joy in serving, the laughter in conversation, the deep peace of being loved by you, the comfort of healing.

Father, your timing is impeccable.  Looking back, I can see exactly how you orchestrated this meeting, laid out all the tools… when you lead, amazing things happen.  Thank you that you didn’t let me pass on this opportunity.  Thank you for pushing at me so much that I couldn’t ignore your calling.  Thank you for providing this situation where I can actively use my knowledge to help.  Thank you for this chance to bring peace, healing and joy to others and to myself.

Lord Jesus, thank you for being my role model.  Thank you that you served me first.  You know exactly what it’s like to step out of your comfort zone.  Lord, you love people so much you placed yourself out there where you got ridiculed, suffered hardships, got betrayed… I’ve not even experienced a fraction of what you’ve gone through.  Who am I to complain?  To say “no” when you call?

Give me a heart to obey, to emulate Jesus, to listen to your calling without digging in my feet.  Lord, I want your blessings… so soften my heart to see your provisions, to follow your guidance, to not be so stubborn in protecting myself and my own selfish comforts.  Lord, you’ve got a greater plan in mind and I want to see you in action.  I want to be a part of your story… but a huge part of me is scared.  I continually resist when you call.  Thank you for being patient with me, for not giving up on me.  Keep teaching me.  Keep calling me.  Keep growing me.

In Jesus’ name, I ask for more blessings, more stories to tell, more love for others in my heart.  Amen.

I'm starting to get lazy and my blogs are coming out later and later.  Please pray for these things:

1.  Time and focus to write me blog and not delay... as well as situations, thoughts and experiences to write about.

2.  Plan to go back to work on April 1st... my body still acts up (not as bad as before), so please pray for strength, stability and that I can wake up early enough to get to work before 7:30am!

3.  I may be getting a cold, got a stuffy nose... please pray that I get all better quick.  There's still lots of stuff I want to do!

4.  I intend to exercise and get stronger, I haven't yet... please pray for motivation, time and focus.

Thanks for reading and all your support!  *super big hug*

Playing with my goddaughter, Maddie: