Honor & Respect

“Hey, Kristy, can I talk to you for a sec?”

My eyes open just a little wider.  Uh oh, I see a very serious look.  This conversation isn’t going to be an easy one is it?  Drawing a quiet and slow breath, I attempt to prepare myself.  My shoulders are tense.  Relax, this isn’t a fight.  I know when a topic is not to my liking, my automatic response is a defensive attitude.  When my guard goes up, I can’t hear what’s really being said.  My self-protection mechanism really doesn’t get me anywhere.  If I don’t consciously lower my internal walls, I’ll waste this opportunity.  *sigh*  Opportunity for what?  I don’t know.  I hate difficult conversations.  I’m scared of the unknown elements and landmines.  Can I run?  How about I hide in a corner and never move?  Did I do something horrible?  Did I offend?  Did I say something bad?

Deep breath in.  Slow breath out.  Kristy… chill out.  I can’t guess what I don’t know.  I can’t fix anything or avoid repeating the same whatever it is if I don’t listen!

This person has the guts to talk to me straight.  I really admire their courage.  It takes a lot to face someone regarding anything potentially unpleasant.  The easy route: avoidance.  Unfortunately, avoiding a situation or issue builds negativity and breeds additional problems.  With an internal toss of my head, I make my decision.  “Sure. What’s up?”

“There’s this issue…”  Imagine loud background noise.  You can’t hear.  And no, you can’t read my lips.  Only me, and the person talking to me, can hear this conversation.  *wink*  Not everything goes public.

Conversation ends.

Inside, I’m screaming “That’s not fair!  That wasn’t my intention!” 

For a moment, just a split second, my mind is overcome by this bubbling, churning, mass of darkness.  I want to lash out.  I want to fight back.  I want to justify my position.  I want to clarify my actions!

Rational thoughts and irrational emotions swirl, twisting inside.  Churning.  Knots forming tighter and tighter, ready to snap.  Suffocating blackness.  Struggling against chains.  Fighting within myself.  Sinking deeper.  Loosing reason.

Wait!  This person is acting as a mediator.  I’m hearing someone else’s point of view.  Life isn’t fair.  Community, people… everyone has their own option, their personal points of view.  We all step on toes, even unintentionally.  To live and work together, it can’t be all about me or what I believe is okay.

Arghhhhh… I know I should respect others, even if I don’t agree with their stance.  I know that even if I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, there’s something I did that’s perceived as wrong in another’s eyes.

Respect.

Honor.

How in the world am I supposed to act?  As a child of God and follower of Christ, what am I to do?  If I truly want to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and do the hard things that following Jesus as my Lord requires... my heart needs to change.  My goal should be to adjust my actions and words so that I don't cause another person to stumble in their journey or their outlook in following the same Jesus (1 Corinthians 8:10-13).  But by myself, with my own strength… I can’t do this.  I can’t do what I know Jesus would do.  To humble myself… I don’t want to bend.  My heart is to do my best to serve my God.  Being told that my actions are contrary to my service of the same God... that hurts.

Ah… Father God, right now, I don’t feel very humble or loving.  In fact, my hackles are up and I want to fight back screaming “unfair!”  Yet, reading 1 Corinthians chapters 8 and 9 in the Bible, you speak through Paul about actions; if my actions cause another to stumble, then don’t do it.  Lord, I don’t want to be a person who’s actions or words cause another to fall away from you.  Lord, you know my heart.  You know my intentions.  You know the reasons behind my actions.

Father, I’m trying my best to walk as Jesus did… I know I frequently fail, but because I love you most… what you call me to do, I will.  All my “rights,” what I am entitled to, even my pride… Father, I give everything into your hands.  May my life not be my own, but yours.  Father, use me as you will.  Guide me so I don’t become a stumbling block to others in their walk with you or as they come to know you.  May my actions, my words, my heart be a reflection of your Spirit and not mine.  Be my light, my peace, my heart.

Father God, I give you full control… control of my rights, my intentions, my actions.  Until you give me permission otherwise, I will not repeat the action that will cause this specific offense.  Help me to respect this person who also only intends to give you honor.  Give me the strength and courage and wisdom to honor and serve you, my God, above myself.  May my actions and heart be all-in and not of two minds.  May my words of living for you not be empty fluff.

Lord, I trust you to change and heal my heart.  I trust in your power to mediate this situation/issue.

Through the example of Jesus Christ, may my life please you, my Lord God… to you and for you alone will I bend.  Regardless of right or wrong, just or unjust… may my life glorify you first above all else.  In Jesus’ name, I ask that my choice of actions and my heart will bring you, my God, glory and honor.  Amen.