Creation to the Creator

“Helllllloooooooo.  We’re here!”

“Hi Mom!  Hi Jess!”

Sweet, my mom and my sister are here.  It feels like forever since we’ve hung out.  Lily’s also coming later today!  The plan is to hang out then go get a “foot massage” which includes the whole body _and_ hot stones.  Hurray!

“Hey guys.  Did you eat yet?  Just made fried rice.  Hungry?”

“Starving!  We haven’t eaten lunch yet.”

“Okay, this enough for you?  It’s ground beef with leftover beef broth, pad see ew sauce, fish cakes, corn, cashews… stuff like that.  Basically, the fried rice is made from random left-overs in the fridge.”

With my mom and my sister, Jessica, sitting next to me at the dinner table, I decide to pull out my jewelry-making tools.  Pliers: bent nose, duckbill, knotting, curved, wire cutter… okay, I have a LOT of stuff.  Disposable stainless steel scissors act as my anvil.  The mallet I stole from the garage. I even pull out a 925 stamp to mark my finished products as officially being sterling silver.  Little plastic re-sealable bags are for my scrap silver (I even collect the silver dust from shavings to use later).  Beads… I have two plastic containers, each with 30 small pill-like compartments, filled with beads of different colors and sizes.  Silver wire: 20 gauge and the thinner 24 gauge.  Paper clip.  Needle files.  Enough?  I’ve covered the whole dinner table except for where my sister and mom are eating!  *sheepish grin*

“If you see something you like, let me know and I’ll make it.” 

Taking out my finished earrings, I spread them over the little remaining table space.  As I start grabbing my silver wire, my mom reaches out.  Grabbing one of my earrings, she states “I want this one in orange.”

“Okay, orange rabbit earrings coming right up.  How about you Jess?”

“Do you have pen and paper?”

Huh?  Puzzled, I stand up and walk over to a side table.  There, I grab a pad of paper provided by some local advertising realtor.  Walking back, I reach over Jessica’s shoulders and grab a pen from the top of my electric keyboard (yes that gets used as storage surface too).  

“Here you go.”

Taking the pen and paper, Jessica immediately leans forward.  Sketching out a couple of lines, she turns the paper towards me.  “Can you make this?”

“You mean kind of like my amethyst droplet earrings with the long hook wire?”

“Yeah, but make the distance between the dangling bead and the ear hook longer.  Also, use these cats-eye beads.”

“Sure, dig for the beads you like and I’ll make it.  I suck at combining different colors... you've gotta match the beads for me.”

Lord, thank you so much for this time with my family.  Pulling out my stash of earrings isn't the easiest for me.  To me, each earring is something I took time to create and put a lot of effort into creating.  Showing them off and being open to critique is scary, especially when it's in person.  I know my technique is constantly being improved upon… and I like my own work.  However, there’s many different styles of earrings I’ve made.  Some of my earrings I’d seriously wear and others only for fun (and others not my style at all).  Well, at least from family, I’ll hear pretty clearly what’s what.  And honestly, I enjoy my creations being appreciated.  Some of my pieces need improvement; others, I am happy to say “I really like.” 

Father, you created me.  What am I in your eyes?  Sometimes in mine, “I’m pretty good.”  Other times, in my own eyes, I feel dirty and stained and worn.  Masked under my current jewelry hobby, Lord, I struggle and still get super frustrated.  I want to be up and doing everything that comes into my mind with no holds barred!  When I think of making cookies, I want the energy to make cookies.  When I want to go for a walk with my friend, I want the energy to do so!  Even when I make jewelry, I had to depend on my sister to tell me that the wire ends were still sharp (I couldn’t feel the sharpness, even on the underside of my wrist).

Lord, as I twist and turn… often blinded by my wants, my wishes… Father, I don’t like this part of myself.  This journey you’re allowing me to walk through, even with the crazy cool blessings… there are many times I want OUT!  I just want to be normal again.  I want the energy to be out there doing my crazy activities.  I want.  I want.  I want… and I don’t want to have to keep depending on everyone.  I like my independence!

*sigh*

Father God… all-in-all, you are my Lord.  I don’t always like my life, but I will keep living it until you call me home.  Even though I feel physically weak, there are those who are even weaker.  Even though I complain about not having enough energy, there are those who have even less than I do.  Even though I hate my allergies and my current digestive system, my life could be way worse.  I keep telling myself the blessings I DO have.  Sometimes this cheers me up.  Sometimes it doesn’t. 

In the end, what I want doesn’t mean I’ll get it. 

Lord, help me.  Open my eyes to focus on the good even as I see the bad.  Help me to see my life as one half full and not half empty.  Give me the strength to appreciate all your blessings in all its forms. 

Thank you that even in my life as it is, you give me great joy, consistent peace and so much love.  Thank you, Father, for this undeserved grace, for your consistent mercy.  Lord, thank you for showing me your uncompromising love: the care and blessings you shower on me and my household, the tough situations to stretch and grow me and your ever-ready hands to catch me.

Lord, I have nothing I can give, do or say that you need.  All I can do and will continue to do is make the choice to follow you, to serve you.  In the name of Jesus Christ, I offer you my all: my heart, my life, my soul.  Amen.