Annoying Allergy

Day 1: December 13, 2012

Rolling over, I blindly grab for my phone.  Turning off the annoying alarm, I start to wake up for work.... or at least I feel like I'm awake.  My eyes are open right?  Uhhhh... my throat is on fire.  Attempting to groan, my voice croaks out unintelligible sounds.  Is this a cold?  *puzzled*  My cold's usually start with a stuffy and/or runny nose.  What's going on?  Every breath feels like fire.   

Settling back in bed, I review my last couple of days:  

On Monday (or was it Tuesday?), one of my co-workers joked about my prior year's allergic reaction to alcohol, laughing about how bad my reaction was to the amount of alcohol in half a bite of candy.  I remember laughingly saying that if I ever wanted to take off work, I'd just sip a bit of alcohol or go steal someone's alcohol-filled cholocate.  

Yesterday (Wednesday).... nothing out of the ordinary happened.  *shrug*  The meals I ate for breakfast and lunch were homemade.  The snacks at work were See's Candy (I've never had any problems eating See's Candy).  I even take the time to check online.  Nope, no alcohol content in See's Candy!  For me, vanilla and almond extracts don't appear to cause any side effects.

Ummmm... After work, I did a little rockclimbing.  No problem there!  

For dinner, I met a friend and we ate at a Japanese restaurant.  The only foods we ate were udon soup and agedashi tofu.  I've had both these dishes before, just not at this restaurant.  Just in case, I hunt online for the ingredients.  Udon... No problem... This dish is just thick noodles in a yummy broth.  Kinda salty.  The tofu?  Fried and partially soaked in a light broth.  Let's see... Ingredients: water, seaweed, bonito flakes, soy sauce, Mirin.  Ohhhhh, what's Mirin?  Let's see... Mirin.... Ahhhh, it's a type of Japanese sweet rice wine.  Bingo... Close to half the sauce was made of Mirin... A light alcohol... But still alcohol.  *deep sigh*  Doesn't matter if the broth has been boiled, I still get sick.  Only alcohol that's been deep fried doesn't seem to cause any physical reactions.  So sad....

I look forward to the next couple of days of pure misery.  How many days?  I can't remember... 3 days... 4 days?  *shrug*  It's been a while since I last consumed anything with alcohol in it.

Day 2: December 14, 2012

In addition to all the first day's list of annoyances, today, I add to my list of misery: all joints ache.  As if that wasn't bad enough, my whole body hurts when I attempt to move... then starts the huffing and puffing as I get short of breath climbing 14 steps... then dizziness... *eyes swirling*

Gargling with salt water... I tiredly remind myself how critical today is.  If I'm not careful, this alcohol allergy will turn into a cold where my snot turns green instead of a thick clear-white color.  *shudder*  If I get a cold now, then this whole painful process will last even longer.  Nooooooooooo! I can't let that happen!  I wanna go rockclimbing, not bundled up weak in bed!  *sniffle*

Day 3: December 15, 2012

No more sore throat... Yay!!!  

Instead, my nose plugs up!  Struggling to breath through my mouth, I fight my lingering weakness, headache, and whole body soreness.  Panting... I can't breathe!  No matter how many times I blow my nose, air doesn't pass through!  Shallow breathes in and out through my mouth.  *bottled frustration*

Focus... Deep breaths... Minimize the cracking lips... Don't lick. Without energy, I stumble my way to the restroom for lip moisturizer.  Through trial and error these last few days... I've realized even with the use of lip balm, my lips dry and crack within 30 minutes.  With the use of petroleum jelly, same issue.  I pull out a tube of 100% lanolin and apply the thick unforgiving material to my lips.  Slowly, the warmth of my lips melt the lanolin. *relief*  Thickly coating the cracks and peeling skin on my lips, the pain temporarily fades away.  At most, this relief will last an hour until the battle starts again: do I move or do I continue to huddle in bed, minimizing the aches to my body, but multiplying the damage when my lips crack?

 

Determination.... More oxygen, deep breaths... Stretch out my lungs.  Why does breathing take so much effort?  Miserable, I curl up deeper under heavy blankets.

Day 4: December 16, 2012

Coughing, sneezing, fatigue.  Some of the ache fades away... But where is my strength? Grrrrrrrr....

Noel's not home right now.  Hungry, I go downstairs to microwave some leftovers and get myself something to drink.  So far, I've only gone downstairs twice: yesterday and today.  Scarfing food down (at least my throat doesn't hurt anymore), I heat up a hot pack to carry back upstairs. Crawling into bed, I fix the tousled sheets. Panting for air, I flop backwards.  Control. Deep breath in.  Now, slow breath out.  Repeat. Deep breath in, slow breath out. Don't struggle... I've gotta relax.  As is, today is already waayyyyyy better than yesterday!  Hurray!!!!

Day 6: December 18, 2012

Sooooo much better today!  I completed a full day's worth of work and didn't even need a nap when I got home!  My throat's a little dry and my nose is still a little stuffy... But overall, I'm so very happy to feel better.  No problems at work,  plenty of energy to cook and even sew tonight. Yay!!!!  Thank you Lord Jesus for my overall health. I can't wait to go rockclimbing tomorrow!  *Smirk* I don't stay down for long... Too boring!  *Wide grin*

Day 15: December 27, 2012

Lord Father God, thank you that this struggle with my alcohol allergy is completely over!  Well, actually, thank you that since Christmas Eve, no major issues!  I'm so happy to spend time with family and friends for Christmas these last couple of days with a fully functioning body!  Hurray!  Already, the memory of my struggles: the pain, the fatigue, the trouble breathing... almost gone!  *wide grin*  Good thing that I have a brain that doesn't dwell on the difficulties, but focuses on the blessings of my life.  Thank you, Father God, for uniquely creating me and helping me through various struggles... be it dealing with my body or my attitude or tough situations... to know that you, Lord, are always there for me... I need never fight in desperation alone.

Lord, thank you for sending your only son, Jesus Christ, born as fully man and fully God, celebrated each Christmas season, to die on the cross so that we can walk by your side.  Thank you, Father God, that the sacrifice of blood you require as payment for our separation from you (sin) is already paid through Christ's death and resurrection.  Thank you for the Holy Spirit, to guide me, teach me, correct me as I stumble blindly through my chaotic life.  Thank you, God, that you, three in one (Trinity) are one God, of one mind... that there is no difficulty knowing where I stand when I seek you.  Thank you for your promise of helping me overcoming impossible-seeming hurdles.  Thank you for the peace I find in you even in the worse of times.  Thank you for a life filled with harsh difficulties and the ability to march forward with my head held high.  Thank you for both the bad and all the good in my life as I am able to joyfully walk with you by my side.... a life filled with purpose, a life filled with meaning... never truly lost... never alone... a life filled with hope.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

May the Lord of all creation bless you and your family with peace and joy and hope even in the most difficult of situations... that your eyes will be open to the wonders of this world and the many many God-given blessings in your life.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

Dec 26: Crazy dinner party of 12 people all cooking together at once!  Soooo FUN!!!  *drool*  Food's great too!   =D

Caught a Cold

Friday, November 14, 2012

Throat on fire, limbs weak, joints ache... Is this what it means to be sick?  Grrrrrrrrrrr...  I don't feel like doing anything today except be absolutely LAZY!  *Smirk* A thousand things I should or could do flitter through my head. Next comes the excuses: It's cold, I'm tired, my head aches and my mouth feels dry. *Wide grin* If only being sick felt good, I could be enjoying this time like a mini vacation!

Father God, thank you for this break... It sucks to feel weak and achy and irritable, but I also thank you for this break I have from my daily routine.  Now... Help me get better quick please!

In Jesus' name, amen.

New Challenge, Old Struggle

 What is an addiction?  Dependency?  Craving?  Need?  Obsession?  Habit?
 What do I have when it comes to reading?


Thursday, November, 29, 2012

Location: Transparent (young adult) girls' group

Around and around the spindle goes... Where will it land?  Slowing to a stop, everyone leans in to read this week's challenge: "fasting and prayer."

*grimace*  Prayer's okay... That's talking to God and I tend to do that a lot anyways.  So what's the problem?  Well, I _hate_ fasting!  I'm no good at it!  This week's challenge is totally my weak point!  *deep sigh*

The purpose of fasting is to set aside something (usually not something easy to do) and use that time, or craving, as a cue to pray.  So what can I give up for this week?  Not eating... Well, I _love_ eating, but that's not my most difficult thing to give up.  So what do I do most during my free time?  I read manga or books.  Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!  I don't wanna give up reading!  However, to honor God, I feel that I need to forgo something I truly treasure.  The time that I gain, the cravings that I will confront, this time of internal strife will be my cue to pray, my time to refocus on spending time with God.

Inside, I feel that if I really REALLY want to honor God with a truly appropriate fast, I need to give my treasure... my best.

Lord, I've tried to think what else I can fast with... Food, how I do my work, time I spend on various things... But no matter what options I come up with, I keep feeling that to give up reading manga AND reading novels is what I cling most to, the thing I'm most unwilling to let go; and therefore, the most important option to choose for my week-long fast.

Help me!  Lord God, you know how deep-rooted my fixation to reading is... This crazy driving obsession to read every spare moment I have.  Lord, you've helped me manage most of my cravings in regards to reading.  I notice my struggle most when I'm at home, in the quiet, during my free time.  Do I do chores or read?  Do I spend time with Noel or read?  Do I take care of the cats or read?  Do I sleep or read?  In all of my daily choices, the chance to read even a page or two, takes on a very high priority.

Father, every spare moment of my time and my thoughts falls into a fantasy land of another person's creative imagination.  So often, I feel that I'm fighting an uphill battle and loosing every single step of the way.  I don't find fulfillment nor peace in reading... It doesn't fill this black hole inside of me, a raving pit of insanity, uncontrollable frustration... But Lord, I've experienced peace, joy, fulfillment, calm and freedom when I sink deeply into your presence... So knowing all this, help me, Lord God, Father of Jesus, to seek you first over my twisted dependency on living in a dream world of another's creation.  I'm stuck... incapable of freeing myself.  Lord, I need you here with me!  Be my strength.  Be my reasoning as I swim through periods of insanity, clawing cravings, and treacherous attempts at self-justification!  Father, I call you "Lord," may you be the true living Lord of my life.

God, I know that any sacrifice you call for me to take up... that it isn't for my loss, but instead to gain more of you, to be set apart so I can know you more, to attain your best for me when I can't even grasp and control my own life.  I don't know why something so innocuous as reading is my addiction, my bondage, my chain... But it is.  Lord, you've freed me before, please free me once again!

In the name of Jesus, as both God and Son, I pray, amen.


Friday, November 30, 2012

Failure.

I keep myself occupied by rockclimbing after work, getting home after Noel is home, watching anime with my husband, but there's always spare time.  A little unoccupied free time before going to bed. Read manga?  I can't!  My fingers are itching to read manga on my iPad!  Telling myself I won't read, I open my iPad... Then somehow, I'm in iBooks checking out a newly downloaded novel.  One justification after another... In the blink of an eye, I realize I read 8 chapters!

Guilt.  Anger.  Frustration.  Disappointment.  Shame.

Shouldn't it be easy not to read?  What happened to keeping my word or even wanting to honor God? I feel pitiful.  The craving, the pull is so strong... Funny right?  Addiction to reading.  *sarcasm*  I feel stupid.


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The iPad lays quietly by my bedside.  Without a second thought, I flip open my iPad's protective cover.  So easy!  Oh hey... There's a new manga!  The update symbol is present.  I wonder what manga is new?  How about I check which manga it is?  Noooooo!  I CANNOT keep slipping!  I feel miserable enough in my struggles and in my failures.  Each time I turn away from reading is a victory... Each failure feels like a landslide.  Pain.  Anger.  Frustration.  Self-hatred.  Guilt.

Even as I type this blog, part of me is itching to slide my fingers or push a button to check the novels I have stored in iBooks or peek at the newly updated manga... Just a peek!  No!  Keep typing, keep struggling, keep fighting!

Lord God, you are the only one worth this fight, this internal struggle... Lord, only for you and through you do I even have this strength, this purpose, this determination to be more than I am.  Only for you, Jesus, for the ability to walk besides you, for the chance to know more of you do I even bother to confront this super-difficult personal challenge for the freedom you so freely offer.  Only for my Lord who is worthy, the creator of all.  Only for you, God, will I let go of my treasures... knowing that to die to myself, my wants, my cravings, my obsessions is to gain more, not just in heaven, but that with this fast, I am being blessed here and now.  So Lord, I praise your name and ask that in this battle of my heart, my time, my mind... that you open my eyes to see your blessings and that those blessings will enable me to face myself with peace.  To once again gain freedom from the chains of my obsession with reading.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Shower Door Complete!

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Hurray!!!  The shower door is back in place, sliding smoothly in it's tracks!  *clap clap*  We're done!  Everything's sealed in caulk... complete!  Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement!  =D

Lord God, I know it seems kind of silly, but thank you for helping us complete this shower door and tub cleaning project!  Everything's back in place.  And even though the bathroom looks smaller, it's great to shower in a larger tub area.  *wide grin*  I feel so spoiled, but so happy that everything's clean too!

Thank you, Father God, for a warm and sunny day!

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Just the Right Cake

November 20, 2012

A month ago: 

Yikes!  I've got a Groupon deal for a cake from some fancy, award-winning bakery.  *drool*  The expiration date is just after Noel's birthday.  A little too close!

*dailing the bakery*  

Me:  Hello, my name is Kristy.  I want to order a cake for my husband.  I've got a Groupon that will expire soon.

Owner:  Sorry, there's no Groupon I know of for a cake... only cupcakes.

Me:  What?!?  The cupcake option sold out so I bought the cake option.

Owner:  Sorry, I don't know of any Groupons for cakes.

Me:  Ummmm...  I have the Groupon right in front of me!  It gives me your address, expires November 28, it's for a 9 inch cake.

Owner:  Okay, I still don't remember issuing any discounts for cakes, but I'll take your order and show me the voucher when you get here.

Me:  Sure... let's see... what do you have?

Option after option.... *dizzy*  I've never even _heard_ of some of these types of cakes.  Yikes!  After going in circles, I ask for a yummy, unique, fruit cake with no alcohol (since I'm allergic to something in alcohol and want to eat some cake too!).

Father God... I can't even _remember_ what type of cake I ordered!  It's something unique and different all right... better be worth the fancy retail cost (even though I didn't have to pay that much).  Father, I don't know if Noel will even _like_ the cake... so I ask, Father, that whatever cake he gets for his birthday, he'll really really enjoy!

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Today:

I arrive right at the stated time: 4:30pm.  Is this even a bakery?  All I see is a storefront with dusty wedding cakes, articles and awards stating how great this place is... and a little sign that says "by appointment only."  But where's the kitchen?

I see a lady wearing light pink.  "Hi, my name is Kristy.  I've come to pick up the cake I ordered through Groupon."  The lady smiles politely, then opens this nondescript door to find my cake.  Oh wow!  That's a very clean and fancy baking area in the back with multiple people busy hard at work and a wall filled with super large freezers.  Soon, the sweet scents of sugar and yumminess float in the air towards me.  *drool* 

I wait a minute, two, three, five... I hear someone yelling:"I can't find the cake!"  Ummmmm, what?  The first lady in pink pulls out my order slip, turns out I ordered a blackberry and lemon cake.  Why in the world would I ever order that kind of cake for Noel?  I really must not have been thinking!  Noel loves strawberries! *sigh*  Well, if they can't find the cake, I really don't want to make another trip.

Another lady wearing white steps out through the door with sweet scents carrying a white cake.  That doesn't look anything like a blackberry lemon cake, but what do I know about cakes?  Holding the cake out towards me, she says, "I can't find your cake, but here's another one we can offer you.  It's strawberry shortcake."

Oh Thank you, Father God, for redeeming my mistake in ordering a cake I doubt Noel will like and replacing it with a cake I know he will love! 

Lord, as soon as Noel stepped into the house, he asked me what kind of cake I got him... "strawberry shortcake?"  This was his first thought.  In all honestly, I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Nope, I didn't order strawberry shortcake."  *smirk*  Thank you, Lord, that Noel, who is so very good at guessing surprises...  and I... who suck at diverting his attention while not lying, was able to keep this one gift a secret surprise.

Thank you, Lord God, for rectifying my mistake and maintain the surprise for my husband tomorrow.  Lord, I ask that you bless Noel with many new memories as we fill the next couple days with family, friends, a movie outting, sushi, go-karting, and more.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen!

Blog post to come...

November 20, 2012

I want to post the blog I've written, but then Noel will know what cake he has for his birthday... hard enough for any kind of surprise... so I'm not posting the blog about his cake until Thursday or Friday.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!  There's a ton of things to be thankful for... I'm soooooo happy!  =D

Love,
Kristy

Dirty Work

Monday, November 12, 2012

A couple days ago, I got this bright idea to clean and re-seal the main bathtub's shower doors.  Well, our home is over 25 years old and the sealant in the tub has probably never been replaced.  Edged in black mold, two areas under the shower door appear to leak rust-colored water after showers. *shudder*  Not clean!!!

Knowing myself, I'm way too lazy to undertake a project by myself.  Currently, the weather is cold and the sky is overcast, my tendency is to hibernate. *Sheepish grin*   To encourage myself (and to make sure I don't back out on this shower door project), I ask my friend, Annie, for help.  She so nicely agrees to spend Veteran's Day (Monday, November 12) doing a very.... Ummmmmmmm...... inglorious project. Does she know what she's getting herself into?  Do I know what I'm getting myself into?

Come Monday afternoon... It's COLD!  Heheheeeeee.... I know's it's afternoon already, but the air feels crisp with a bright cold snap.  The sun shines bright, so I crawl into a small patch of sunlight; unfortunately, the sun is not enough to warm my skin.  Brrrrrrrr.... So cold!  Annie's coming soon.  It is so NOT fair if she has to get out of bed, drive over to my home to help only to find me huddled in bed.  No good!  Okay, Kristy, out of bed and get ready to face the day.  *sigh*

After a warm lunch, Annie and I prepare to start. Screwdrivers, two, check.  Razorblades, check.  Caulk, check.  Metal pokey thing for fine-point scraping, check.  Gloves, check.  Mask, check.  Ready?  Maybe and maybe not.  *shrug*  I'll never know until I start.... and then, it's too late.  *grimace*

Taking the shower doors off required lifting the whole top frame assembly with the doors hanging on it... then sliding the door sideways out of the frame.  Bottom of the doors are black and slimy from unmentionable gunk mixed with mold.  Unscrewing the side frames and bottom bracket... easy.  It's the next part I shudder to think too much about.  Hidden behind the gold-colored metal is white caulk edged in black mold.  Ewwwww!

Annie and I drag the shower door pieces outside.  Sitting in the cold sun, scrubbing and chiseling at mold coated rubber, spraying chill water, Annie and I work diligently to finish, clean and dry each piece of the shower door.  Leaving the separate components outside to completely air dry, we trudge back inside.  Heads bending low, we use flat-head screwdrivers and razors to scrape away the old sealant.  Ick... more gunk.

About 5 hours from start to almost-finish... we have sealed the bathtub edge, placed the shower door frame back in place and resealed everything in sight!

Lord Father in heaven, thank you for such a great friend... one who tirelessly worked beside me and encouraged me to properly complete this project.  Thank you, Father, for just enough caulk to reseal everything!  Lord, the shower door's still sitting on the side because we hit a glitch.  The bottom frame of the shower door doesn't quite touch the tub's edge so I squeezed more caulk there.  Now, it's Wednesday, the abnormally thick layer of caulk isn't curing well in this cold weather.  Thank you, Lord God, that we have another shower in this household to use.  *wide grin*

Lord, can you please seal the bathtub and door with it's frame properly for me?  I jump into these projects knowing the theory behind what to do, but rarely do things go perfectly smoothly... so Lord, I ask that you minimize my mistakes and give me wisdom in what to do.  Should I scrape out the thick sealant, add a rubber filler and then reseal?  Or should I just wait a couple more days in hopes that the caulk will be able to seal itself?  *deep sigh*  Lord, I ask for your wisdom and your blessings on this "simple" shower door project.  I place my worries and my cares into your capable hands... and I NEVER want to have to redo this bathtub again in the next 10 years!  Please?  =O

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.