Being Broken

Lord, thank you for this annoyingly frail body.  I am a woman who can see your blessings.  You've blessed me with a husband who loves me beyond my comprehension.  Meals served in bed.  Laundry washed and separated.  Grocery shopping complete.  Dishes washed.  Cats?  Fed and cleaned.  Finances already dealt with.  Anything I want, my husband does his best to provide.  I am beyond spoiled. 

There are times I feel so inadequate.  My husband caters to all my wants and needs day in and day out... and what do I do?  Nothing.  There is nothing I can do to equal or even repay a portion of the time he spends loving me.  There is no gift I can offer in response except to do my best and love my husband in return.  Sometimes, I feel that my love alone isn't enough... I want to offer more, take some of the burden off his shoulders, but I cannot... my body fails me.

Lord God, I am amazed at the love I see through my husband's daily actions.  I don't do anything to deserve or to even earn his love.  And yet, day in and day out, he serves me without complaint.  If anything falls, he comes running to see if I'm hurt. Father God, thank you for allowing me to be physically broken so I can appreciate the love of my husband.  In him, I can see the reflection of your love for me.  In his word, his actions, his touch... Every bit is filled with his love for me that I do nothing to deserve.  I work.  I eat.  I sleep.

In such a way, Father God, you loved us first.  Through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, you gave me your ultimate gift... The ability to be by your side, in your presence, to be called your child.  Your love overwhelms me.  Through the actions of my husband, I see you so clearly.  Even though I do not deserve your love, have done nothing that can earn your mercy, you still love me.  In my imperfection, in my selfishness, in my brokenness... You speak of your love for me through your provisions, your blessing of peace, your gift of hope and your assurance that no matter what I do or say, I am still your beloved.

Nothing I can do or say will make you love or care for me any more than you already do.  I cannot buy your love or earn it through tasks.  Lord, serving you is my heartfelt response to the love you first showed me.  I choose to follow you, God, not because of laws or commands, but out of a reflection of the love I have already received.

To God my Father, my Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit I give you praise.  Thank you for allowing me to see you.  Thank you for gifting me with difficult circumstances so I can see you in action.  Thank you for the reflection of your amazing love through my husband and his faithful service towards me.

I am unworthy, but I can say that this opportunity to know you personally, Lord God, is a priceless gift beyond any treasures of this world.  Thank you, God, for being my God who loves me beyond all human measures, beyond anything I can do in return, beyond anything I can earn or buy or say.  To you, Lord, be all the glory and praise.

Hanging out with Kalpana and Ngoc, waiting to get a massage:

Bad Day at its Worst

Kinda tired, but not bad; this is normal. Today, I arrive a bit late to church, missed morning worship, but in time for announcements and the main service.  Good.  I need to meet with Melissa for high school Sunday school planning. 

Sitting in the second to front row, I lean forward to get my Bible out of my backpack.  Leaning back in my seat, my back starts hurting.  Uncomfortable, I attempt slouching in my seat.  That doesn't feel too good.  I try sitting straight, no good either.  Within a minute's time, my pain worsens; it's no longer focused on my back... my whole right side hurts.  My muscles start spasming.  I get nauseous.  There's no way I can stay for Sunday service like this.  I want to go home. 

Greeting a couple people around me, I tell Melissa I can't make the meeting today.  Grabbing my stuff, I blindly stumble my way out the sanctuary.   Focusing directly ahead, I shuffle my way towards my car.  Why did I being my laptop today?  It's so heavy!

On my way out, I think I greet a couple people... I can't remember anymore.  I need to throw up.  I can't throw up.  I won't let myself make a scene!  Can I drive home like this?  I really want to be at home. 

Gingerly, I sit myself in my car.  Panting from the pain, I lean back to assess myself.  Every movement hurts; however, the main question is if I can focus enough to safely drive home.  Yes, I can drive.  I may not be able to make it all the way home without throwing up, but I can always pull over and decide what to do then.  Pain, that I can deal with; me and physical discomforts go way back.

Leaving the church parking lot, every bump in the road, every move to work the clutch, brake, gas... Even shifting the gears hurts.  Grasping tightly at the steering wheel, my fingers turn white.  My shoulders are rigid with tension.  Sweat beads my brow.  Focus.  Look at the cars in front.  Assess the movements of the cars behind and to my side.  Ignore my body. 

Separating my mind from my body's sensation, I continuously scan my surroundings.  I'm still lucid.  I'm still focused.  I'm not wavering.  Home.  Home.  Home.  All I can think about is getting home and crawling in misery into bed. 

Exit after exit pass by.  I've still got 25 more minutes before reaching home.  20 minutes.  18 minutes.  The crossover from 880 to 680 brings me to a halt.  Traffic.  The stop and go jars my body.  Waves of pain hammer at me.  Focus.  I'm still driving.  See the cars, the people, the environment around me.  I wanna throw up.  In my backpack, I have a container I had planned on returning.  Reaching to my right, I attempt to grab my backpack.  Bad idea.  Nausea overtakes my senses.  For a second, my sight wavers.  Focus.  Reset myself.  Forget the container.  If I throw up, I'll clean it later. 

Almost home.  I'm getting tired; tired of fighting, tired of ignoring sensations pounding against my consciousness.  3 more traffic lights to go and I'll be home.  Green.  Yellow.  Red.  I stop.  Bile runs up my throat, I force the acidic mass back down.  Another light, another stop.  Last light, usually green, turns red.  I stop again.  I'm miserable.  My hands are starting to shake.

Finally home, I drag myself out of the car.  Tossing my laptop and backpack in a pile, I shuffle, back hunched, to let the cats out of their room.  Gently, I crawl under the covers.  Shuddering in distress, I writhe in bed, attempting to find a more comfortable position.  There is none.  Running to the restroom, I throw up once, twice, three times.  Gross, I think I got stuff up into my nose.

At home for the past hour-and-a-half, nothing is working.  No matter what I do, how I move, what I take, the pain continues to climb.  I don't think I've ever experienced physical pain to this extent.  Fighting nonstop, no relief.  Is this even a muscle spasm anymore?  It's not stopping.  Pain, that I deal with on a daily basis... but this level of constant and increasing agony is on a whole different level.

I stare at my phone.  Should I call 911?  I'm used to getting muscle spasm, but I'd also get rest periods in between.  Now?  Unending torture with no glimmer of reprieve in sight.  Something inside my abdomen twists even tighter.  I can't process or plan anymore.  It's embarrassing, but I can't drive myself to the hospital.  An ambulance can provide intravenous pain medicine faster than waiting in the emergency lobby.  Hesitating, I unlock my phone.  Sweat beads my upper lip and my brow.  In fact, my whole body is damp.  My muscles shake with fatigue.  Why can't I just pass out?

In a daze, huddled and shaking, I actually dial 911.  In spurts, I tell the operator my address.  The ambulance is coming.  Holding the walls, I grab a sweatshirt... By the time i get out, it'll probably be cold.  Cats?  Andy will help take care of them.  Funny, even in this pain-induced fog, I can still think enough to plan for the basics. 

Phone grasped tightly in one hand, house keys in another, I unlock the front door.  Listlessly, I fold myself into a ball on the bottom steps and wait.  I think the fire department arrives first, 3 men.  My eyes are closed, fist knotted tight.  Once the ambulance comes, I feel hands supporting my arms as I stumble to the gurney. 

Bump after bump, I clench my fist and clamp my jaw against the pain.  No relief.  I keep getting asked questions but I'm starting to not understand if my answers are correct.  My mental processing is down.  Almost there. Just as we arrive, I finally get 2mg of morphine.  Lightheaded, I feel the pain recede.  I allow my muscles to relax, taking my first deep breath in hours.  My head lists to the side as I lay drowsy from the meds.  Finally, I can relax.  Narcotics are amazing.

Dosing in a room, I wait for the rest of my pain to go away.  Refusing more meds (I want full control of my own body), I wait another 4 hours before all remenants of discomfort disappear.  In and out of consciousness, I drift between blank emptiness and hearing screams of pain from someone nearby.  The sounds of a person vomiting make my own stomach churn.  Blinking slowly, I idly watch the seconds roll by; and again, my eyes close as my mind wanders. 

Now, I'm only sore when the doctors poke my abdomen.

Six plus hours pass before my brain finally starts to clear.  Testing myself, I poke and prod my abdomen.  Tender, but not painful.  Good.  Standing up, I quickly lay back down.  The movement made me dizzy with bile rising up my throat.  Wrapping myself back in my covers, I huddle until the symptoms go away.  Now, I wait to get the CT scan.  After that?  My best guess is that I'll get to go home.  I still have to work tomorrow morning... I volunteered... Gotta keep my word.

Father God, thank you that my CT scan is negative for any visible issues.  Thank you for providing friends to take care of the cats, wash my dishes and even picking me up late at night.  Thank you that the pain is gone.  I feel alive again and ready to work!

Help me sleep well tonight and wake up early for work.  Give me the energy and strength to serve.  Bless me with wisdom in how I talk and what I do.  Provide for my schedule so that I don't overwork this annoyingly weak body.  Steady my body so that I don't cramp up so badly again...going to the hospital really sucks!  Give me joy, peace, comfort and hope in your spirit.  Be the light of my life.

By the name of Jesus Christ I pray, amen. 

Monday, May 25, 2014

Yay!!!  Half day of work completed sucessfully with only my usual fatigue and discomforts.  Hurray!!!  God is amazing! 

Thank you, Lord, for giving me your spirit so that difficulties don't pin me down.  Thank you for allowing me to continue living and actively serving!

May the power and blessings of Christ be with you!  Thank you for always supporting me and walking with me as I go through my ups and downs.  I'm only where you see me now because I have all your support and the love of Christ... I know that I am never alone.

Let's keep fighting together!  =D

Daniel's graduation!

Ever Changing Days

Friday morning:

I'm going to be late for work.  Gotta hurry up!  Hey, is that my co-worker?  Moves like her.  Ummm... "Morning!"

"Good morning!  How much time do we have?"

Taking a glance at my watch I reply, "Two minutes."

With a quick glance to my right, I look my friend in the eye.  "Wanna run?"

"Let's run!"

With a wide grin, we take off.  Feet pounding the concrete and backpack bouncing, we swerve around slower pedestrians.  Fresh crisp air rushes across my face, trees slide past, pine needles crunch under my feet... Freedom.  Excitement.  Energy.  How long has it been since I've moved like this?  Way too long.  This is fun!

"Faster?"

Laughing like two children, we speed up.  Around another corner, we dodge staff members as they leave the hospital.  Slightly out of breath, we arrive at the double door glass entrance.  Time to stop running... doesn't look too good to run inside a hospital building.

Walking at a brisk pace, I swipe my badge first.  Laughing lightly, I look at the time, totally not late.  *shrug*  It's worth the run.  Today, I feel normal again.  My feet step with a bounce as I stride down the hospital corridor.  My backpack thumps against my back as I expend excess energy just for the pure fun of _moving_ again!  Grinning widely, I wave good-bye to my running buddy.  Can't wait for today to start... It's gonna be great!


Monday:

"Hey Kristy, were you tired this morning?"

"Yeah, wasn't feeling my best.  How'd you know?"

"I could tell."

Bummer... I try my best to not show my fatigue when my body just drags.  It's no fun to be around someone who's down all the time.  I want to do my best, to serve to the best of my ability... I don't wasn't to say "I can't" or "I'm too tired" unless I absolutely have to!  Well, there's my pride of wanting to be "normal."  If I give in, I may never get back to where I used to be.  I don't want to give up!  I'd rather push myself until my legs shake, my feet drag and my head spins before I ask for help.  Why?  Because each day is so frustratingly different that I have no concept where my limitations are! One day, I'll be tired, but a good tired.  Another day, same situation, same patient except my energy disappears and I can barely push through to complete my treatment.  What in the world is wrong with this body?

Bleah.

Lord Jesus, I want to work.  I love to serve and see people smile.  I enjoy how every single day is filled with little surprises.  I'm definitely not bored!  But Lord, this inconsistent body of mine is really annoying!  I'm so frustrated that I'm weaker now than when I was on chemotherapy... I should be getting stronger... But I'm not.  I can grumble, throw a fit, scream at the world... But nothing makes me better.  I want to go rockclimbing.  I want to play paintball.  I want to work without the fear that I may not be able to complete my task.

Dear Lord, help!  Give me the strength to live this life you've blessed me with.  Give me the courage to continue looking forward.  Give me hope that I'm walking the right path.  Give me wisdom to make the right decisions for when I can finally start increasing my activity levels.  Give me patience to live my life in this broken body. Keep my eyes fixed not on myself, but on you.

Oh Lord, may your love be enough for me.  Even if I remain broken, may my whole life point to you.  I'm glad that I'm not living for myself... Lord, it is only through you and in you that I find my hope, my unexplainable joy, my will to live.

Thank you for always being with me.  Thank you for the fun and the laughter even when times are difficult.  Thank you that I have this opportunity to keep living, to experience new things, to learn more everyday.  Thank you for blessing me with a purpose to live for and the ability to really enjoy this one life I am given.

In Jesus' name, I life my voice in praise to God my Father for so many blessings and for this life I get to live, amen.

Playing with henna:

My Husband

Noel. My beloved. My heart. My other half. You are an amazing blessing from God. I am honored to walk by your side.

I can proudly boast about how much you’ve grown as my husband, as a man and as a leader. Learning to follow Jesus Christ as Lord, letting go of doing things your own way, taking heart and being at peace in God’s provisions, stepping up to take responsibility in our household, willing to make the tough decisions, handling the household finances… I fall more and more in love with the man God is shaping you into. I love your integrity. I appreciate your hard-working nature. I take pride in your willingness when cornered to seek God. I feel secure in the fact you let God guide you as the head of our household. I respect the strength and courage you demonstrate each day to face forward, trusting in God’s provision and timing: for my health, for your future job, for our finances, for the time given us to spend together.

Thank you for showing me every day how much you love me… by your attitude, your actions, your words. In comparison, I’m not able to offer you much. Even though I only work 3 days a week, I come home and crash. However, what I can do is pray. Because I believe that God our Father and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit as one God is all-powerful, I give our future, our hopes, our dreams, our wants and our needs into his hands.

May our Lord bless you, my husband, with favor: favor with the people you meet; in your future job and the co-workers you will have; in seeing the blessings given you day by day, weeks, months and years to come.

Lord Jesus, thank you for my husband’s heart to follow you as Lord and Savior. Thank you for bringing peace and joy in our household even when everything appears to go wrong. Thank you for always providing, even as I only work part-time and Noel is jobless, you bless us with time together, Noel’s ability to do everything around the house (grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up… I don’t do anything at all!), the bills are paid, and our spirits don’t feel burdened. Lord, I know that in your time, you will provide Noel a job… one that he will thrive in, a workplace where he will be challenged to expand his skills, a community of friends, and a place where you will be glorified.

In Jesus’ name I lift my hands in prayer and praise.

If you don’t mind praying for Noel’s job, this is his prayer request: “For continued patience with my job search, as nothing has panned out with any past resume submissions.”

Thank you everyone for your love and support!  *super big hug*

Noel playing with toys... soooo cute!

Darkness Inside

Tangling and twisting, my emotions churn and knot within my chest.  Roiling and tensing, coiling tighter and tighter, the spring inside me is ready to snap.  Give me an excuse, any excuse, to lash out, to vent.  Frantically, I attempt to patch up my walls.  Dark and black, thick ooze seeps through.  Unpleasant stuff.  Bad stuff.

I hate this part of myself.  Dirty.  Ugly.  Angry.  Unreasonable.  My walls are ready to crumble.  I'm so tired of fighting myself, holding myself back, this monster inside.  I'm loosing.  I'm seeing more and more black along the wall.  There's a stench, an evil in myself I try to bury: pride, self-righteousness, feelings of entitlement, stubborness, inflexibility, anger, distrust, irritation.  Bubbling and churning, even more of this distastful black stuff appears as each minute flows by.

I'm tired.  I'm broken.  I'm loosing this battle against myself.  I'm falling, burning out of control.  My emotions are struggling, winning against reason.  I can sense a bite in my words.  I'm becoming inflexible in my thinking.  My ability to problem-solve is quicky disappearing.  My focus is non-exsistant.  Small issues appear as all-encompassing, ground-shaking problems.  Quivering at my own lack of control, I give myself a mental shake-down. 

Rest.  I need rest.  Peace.  Quiet.  Calm.  I want to crawl into a hole.

Burying my head, I want to hide from the world!  Too much stimulus.  Too much noise.  Too much information.  Clasping my hands over my ears, I find myself rocking back and forth, back and forth.  Is someone there?  Go away.  Leave me alone.  No, I'm not lonely.  No, don't touch me or I'll bite.  No, I don't need words of comfort or understanding.  Go away and thank you.

Focus.  I've got to rebuild my walls.  I cannot let this darkness invade.  Beware.  Watch what I say.  Don't talk too much.  Careful what I do.  Withdraw.  Hide.  I need to imprision this monster inside.  Every mis-step, each mistake... there are only so many times and for so many things I can appologize for later.  For now, I need to win this fight.  I'm loosing.

Lord Jesus, I fall so short of you.  I'm no where near able to emulate your example: your love for others, your gentleness of spirit, your humility.  I'm tired of building walls and failing.  I'm tired of feeling this nasty darkness tainting my spirit.  I'm tired of struggling in a never-ending battle in which I will never win.

Jesus, save me.  Save me from drowning in my own vileness.  Cleanse my spirit and replace it with yours.  Be my comfort and my peace when I myself have none.  Wash away this darkness.  Heal my body and my spirit.  Give me rest that can only be found in your presence.  Renew my heart, my mind, my soul in you and you alone.  When people look at me, may they see you instead.  Help me be more than I am capable of being by myself.  Fix my eyes upon you, Jesus, and not on myself. 

Father God, thank you for the hope you give through Jesus.  Thank you for cleaning me of the dirt I've once again accumulated inside.  Thank you for the peace in my heart.  Thank you for the joy that I have when I seek you for rest.  Hold me in your arms.  Sing me gently to sleep. 

When I awake, refresh my spirit and my body so that I may once again serve you; not out of my own abilities, but through your Spirit.  In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

And for those reading this blog: may you be blessed this day with the Lord's spirit of true peace, real love, inexplainable joy and everlasting hope.

Thank you for reading!  *super big hugs*

Playing with the camera:

Port Away!

I’m so excited!

God, I’m finally getting this port out of my chest today.  I ask that you provide the same person who placed this port in my body to be the same person who takes it out.  I ask that you help the procedure go smoothly.  Guide the medical staff to hear and remember that I only want local anesthesia and not to be sedated (recovery time takes longer).  Help my body to not have any negative reactions and please provide minimal scarring over time.  Father God, also can you provide so that I don’t cough during the procedure?  I think I’m coming down with a cold, but I don’t want to delay the removal of this port; please manage any coughing or symptoms that I may have.  In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Shiver.  That's cold!

A sponge containing a bright orange chemical runs across my upper chest.  Left to right and then left again.  Excess fluid trickles down the outside of my left arm.  Up my neck, wet and slighty sticky, I feel the sponge coating everywhere and anywhere around my potential surgical site.  The port’s on the left side of my chest.  Wait, why in the world is this lady applying the antiseptic cleaner all the way to my right chest?  *mental shrug*  Whatevers, at least they’re letting me stay awake for this procedure!

Surprisingly weighty, a large blue paper and plastic sheet is placed on my abdomen.  Unfolding the cover, a medical personnel extends the sheet up and over my head.  Now, all I see is a lot of blue.  A large hand reaches under the cover and something is removed.  Firmly pressing down, I feel sticky adhesive plastic applied to my left chest.  I’m guessing that this is a sterile blue sheet with an adhesive window for the surgical procedure.  Crumpling upwards, the blue is lifted away from my face so I can peek out and breathe.  Too bad I can’t see anything… they have my head turned to the right as they work on my left chest. 

Bummer.

Stab.  Prick.  I feel the needle injecting lidocaine into my left chest area. Bit by bit, I feel the pricks less and less.  Quiet.  A slight tugging sensation.  What’s going on?  Oh, the scalpel is cutting an incision over the port.  A little discomfort then a small tug… guess that’s the port coming out.

Stitch.  Stitch.  Stitch.  Dermal glue.  Finished!  The blue drape is pulled away from my face, chest and body; rolled into a massive ball and thrown into the garbage.  Procedure complete!

Hurray!

Back in the recovery room: a quick check-up, change of clothes, paperwork signing and final care instructions.  I just remember nodding my head to instructions about ice for the swelling, use of pain meds, how to shower and care for my incision… in one ear and out the other.  I have no intention of icing the incision because excessive icing can delay wound closure (inflammation is not always bad when it comes to healing).  Pain meds… I have no intention of taking any, I can easily distract myself by doing something to keep myself occupied (plus, I don't trust my body with meds right now... any meds are likely to de-stabilize my body).  Shower?  The dermal glue is present so the wound area is sealed so long as I don’t pick at it, it’ll come off in a week or two.  Done, now I can finally eat!  *wide grin*

Father God, thank you for providing such accommodating medical staff to my multiple requests and endless questions.  Thank you that I was able to get my port removed even faster than the original scheduled time and out a lot quicker than the staff expected.  Thank you for managing the pain and swelling so that I can basically ignore the incision site.  Lord, even though it seems insignificant, thank you that I can wear my normal bras again without the strap aggravating my port site.  Thank you that soon, I won’t have to worry about accidently scratching the skin over a protruding port.  Thank you that during the surgical procedure, I did not need to cough at all!

Lord Jesus, I want to go back to work again!  I worked full-time 4 days last week, was off this Monday for the port removal and now have been off sick from work with a cold.  Please heal my body, my throat and clear my nose so I can breathe easier, talk clearly, stop hacking and not sniffle.

In Jesus’ name I give thanks for these extra days of rest and increased physical stability, amen.

Just wanted to say that God is really awesome!  This cold of mine was delayed until _after_ my port removal.  I also celebrated my brother, Winston's, birthday (on his birthday) Monday evening with my entire family!  Yes, having a cold sucks... and I feel bad about not being able to go in to work... but I'm getting better again.  Can't wait to start serving again in my workplace!  The energy, excitement, constant adaptation and purposeful work... it's awesome.  I feel very blessed to have the opportunity to serve in such a great work envirmonment.  I raise my hands in praise to my Lord Jesus for so many many awesome blessings!

May you be blessed this week to see how great and fulfilling work and life and family  truly is.  Love ya, Kristy.  =D

Winston's birthday celebration with my family:

Breaking Through the Clouds: Returning to Work

  11:50pm

                                       12:15am

        12:23am                                                                            12:36am

                                                                 12:40am

                      1:00am

When am I going to fall asleep?  I crawled into bed about 11pm, but time seems to slide by and I'm still awake.

1:16am

                                         1:32am

I’m super excited about returning to work.  I don’t want to be late for my first day back… but at the same time, I want a good night’s rest!

Father God, I’m super super hyped about this opportunity to return to work.  Sure in the back of my head, there’s this tiny doubt… can I make it through the day?  But Father, I see you make so many things possible, time after time… that I know tomorrow (or later today) will be great!  I may get tired, but I also know that you will provide.  Plus, I’ve got these awesome friends at work that I can lean on if anything gets out of hand.  I'm not alone. 

God, I believe that you are in full control of my life, my body, my capabilities.  So into your all-powerful hands, I give my work, my time, my attitude.  Father, whatever you set before me at work, help me to serve to the best of my abilities.  Help me to pick up the computer documentation quickly.  Guide me so there are no mistakes in my choice of treatments.  Help me find stuff fairly quickly and efficiently.  Make my brain alert and flexible to handle whatever comes my way.  Brush the cobwebs off my hands so that my unna boots, wound debridment, dressing applications are all appropriate.  Provide situations where I can help my co-workers and I can be helped, that we can enjoy work as a team.  Give me a “can-do” attitude, a joyful smile, energy to make it through the full work day and peace in situations out of my control.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

********

The sun is rising.  Blush-pink clouds are surrounded by a light blue sky.  This morning is chilly.  The wind bites my cheeks with a cold snap.  Shivering, I pull my thin jacket tighter around my body.  Sharp light from the sun pierces my gaze as rays of light stream through graying clouds.  The sharp scent of pine wafts through the air as my shoes crunch fallen pine needles.  On the ground, clumps of dirt are scattered across the concrete from the fenced construction area. 

This is my workplace.  This is my other home away from home.  I'm finally back and I'm early.  *smirk*  So much for worrying about missing my first day of work; not happening.

Thank you, Father God, for stabilizing my body today.  Thank you for giving me the energy to complete work and drive home alert.  Thank you for providing a quick response from the IT Help Desk so I can reset my password for access into the computer system.  Thank you for allowing me to help with an evaluation and the detailed paperwork associated with it prior to seeing my own eval for the day.  Thank you for the opportunity to dive in and experience a full range of wound services including the change to apply an unna boot, 4-layer wrap, wound VAC... to perform sharp debridement and for jogging my brain so that I can play with a combination of wound dressings.  Father, thank you for not letting my mind be fuzzy today, for helping me assign patients onto therapist schedules, being able to complete treatment documentations, manage my time/resources, field phone calls… so many big and little things.  Thank you, Father God, for the pacing of today's treatments so that I did not feel overwhelmed.

Father, I thank you for providing for more than I know! 

Working today felt so right, like a breath of fresh air after being trapped for way too long.  Being able to work is such a huge blessing!  Thank you for renewing my hope and attitude towards the future, for giving me strength to keep moving forward, for so much loving support.  Lord God, you give me everything I need and more.  Thank you for this life, for my friends, for giving me the ability to continue performing as a physical therapist.

In Jesus’ name I raise my hands in praise, amen.