Medical Update

I'm going to Stanford next week on Dec 7th for my consult with one of the Stanford oncologists in their cancer center.

I'm kind of excited and kind of scared. Don't know what options if any will be offered...

These past 2-3 hours, I've been online researching more into leiomyosarcoma, available clinical trials, tumor tests for chemosensitivity and chemoresistance, types of chemotherapy attempted, side effects, potential prognosis... All this searching and no real clear answer. *shrug*. God will be my medicine, my healer, my hope.

In the meantime, I'm considering if I should pursue and try any form of drug therapy... Many of which can screw me up even worse than living as I am now. *grimace*

Lord, please guide me and Noel and the doctors I meet... Provide your wisdom in the paths I should take or pursue. There are so many options, none great... Help me to honor you in the choices I make, to follow your direction, and seek you first in all aspects of my life. If I live another 2 years, 5 years, or 20 years... I want to live my life to the fullest! I've learned that I am more joyful, more content, more secure when I actually humble myself to serve you over myself... I've learned, Lord, that you know my deepest needs and always meet those needs... That even my wants, you bless me with better.

Why, God, do I stray? If walking in your presence is the best place to be... Why do I continue to insist of doing things my own way?

Father, I know that I am stubborn, prideful, and selfish. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for blessing me regardless of my faults. Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you that I am never truly lost, never left alone, never gone from your sight. Thank you for creating me just the way I am. Thank you for this life I'm living. Thank you even for the pain and struggles that continue to grow me stronger. Thank you for taking the time to build and lift me up when I fall down. Thank you for caring about me more than I care for myself.

In Jesus' name I praise my Father in heaven, amen.