Thinking Back...

Friday, March 30, 2012

Wow, 6 weeks have passed since my last planned chemo session.  Yay!!!!  I'll get another CT scan early June before checking in with my oncologist to see where things are at.  More chemo?  Hope not.  

I'm curious to see where God will continue to lead my life.  I know that the cancer issue will always be in the background, but I don't feel that it's an immediate issue I'll need to deal with again in the next year.  *wide grin* Whatevers... life'll never be boring right?  =D  I don't expect or ever want everything to "go my way"... too predictable.  I cherish my times of laziness, but thrive on challenges.  Good thing God knows my limits!  Following God continues to give me a sense of fulfillment, completion, satisfaction... I never burn-out when I closely follow God.  I only burn-out when I start adding my own stuff and taking things into my own hands... then I physically or mentally crash until I have enough time to recover and rest.  *tsk tsk*  You'd think I would've learned by now huh? Nope!  *wink*

The chemo side effects are still present... but I'm physically less tired and now can feel a slight roughness of the cat's fur (only in the mornings when I first wake up).  Already, the struggles during chemo fade away.  The difficulties and fear I had... looking back, feels non-existent.  Yikes... the pain, frustration, confusion... where did it all go?

Well, now's my rest time.  These last 2 weeks, I'm learning to pull back and rest.  Yanked in too many directions and committed to too many activities, I'm practicing again how to say "no, I need to rest."  *smirk* God really does know my breaking points and when I can't take things anymore.  During chemo... even with my lowered immune system, never once did I get sick! Yay!!!  Prayer request totally answered!!!  Thanks everyone for praying about me not getting sick!  God listened!  Even as everyone around me got sick once, even two or three times... none of the cold symptoms even touched me! Hurray!!!  God's awesome!

This past weekend, I got careless and ate food with alcohol in it... the alcohol gives me a super sore throat for 2 day, then makes me susceptible to catching a cold. Monday and Tuesday this week, I took off work because my throat felt like fire.  Now, my throat's fine but I'm struggling with a simple cold... stuffy/runny nose on Wednesday and Thursday.  Today (Friday), the coughing starts.  Grrrrrr... at least with this cold, I don't feel as helpless.  I've had colds before, I know what to expect and can look forward to getting better.  With the chemo, I had a difficult time attempting to anticipate the side effects, duration of the symptoms, and dealing with the unknown.  This cold, I'm counting as a blessing.  I'm given a reason to rest and tell people "sorry, I'm sick, can't hangout."  *wide grin*  I'm fully enjoying this cold even though I hate talking with a congested voice, have snot drip down my face, or cough until my chest feels sore.  Heheheee... for me, this cold is a blessing... on my own, I have a hard time setting boundaries and resting until I'm forced to.  Like now!  =D

Thank you Father in heaven for knowing my limits, for giving me a reason to just relax and rest without feeling guilty.  Lord, help me learn to rest without needing to catch a cold!  Teach me to take breaks and rest in your presence. Teach me to how to recover so that I don't need to be pinned in place by a cold.  *smirk* 

Lord, this weekend, our church's young adult group has a retreat I've already agreed to go to.  May no one catch my cold.  Please help me to fully rest in you and enjoy this weekend retreat without over-doing things... but at the same time, can you please make my cold go away now?  *hopeful look* I wanna go have fun!  To serve and be served as you've called... open my eyes, ears, and heart to see you, hear you, feel you in my life.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.