Life's Journey with God

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Today, my nurse said, "I was reading your chart.  Wow, you've gone through a lot.  How do you stay so cheerful?"

How should I answer?  I don't have a quick easy answer except to say "God is good, really good."  Even a reply like this doesn't provide a full understanding of how God enables me to be cheerful.

My attitude and my personality alone didn't create this cheerfulness. Rather, I've struggled with so many ups and downs... been spun around with unexpected events occurring  so far out of the blue that I've heard many repetitions of the comment "this usually doesn't happen."  In truth, I'm cheerful and I take joy in seeing the blessings God brings into my life... but I can't say I'm "happy" about having cancer or living with so many unexpected struggles.

I'm learning to roll with the punches, to expect the unexpected. But most of all, I believe that my God has a purpose for my life.  I believe I have an all-powerful God guiding my life who can fully cure me of all my problems right now; however, I also believe in this verse from the Bible:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his [God's] purpose."  Romans 8:28 (New King James Version)

So for those, like me, who love God... what is this good thing we get?  This goodness is an advantage that benefits those who love God and specifically is linked with following God's purpose/calling.  This verse doesn't talk about getting good things like gifts just for the sake of acquiring more things... instead, this verse is about situational advantages that God promises to provide so that those who love him are enabled to walk the path he's laid out.

I know God loves me and that I am spoiled by his many provisions.  I know that God will shape my life to grow me to love him more so that my life can reflect his purpose, his power, his will.  I've find that my life is coming together in many unexpected ways.  In and through this cancer journey, I know I am undoubtably loved.

Quick list of huge blessings I've noted:
*Financially, Noel and I are not in the red even with a significant decrease in income these past few years... totally unexpected!
*My new dietary requirements would normally be a lot more difficult except that God has provided multiple people in my life who have already experienced similar issues and can provide a lot of insight.
*Driving for groceries is difficult, but God provides food from friends.
*Waves of despair and depression are buoyed by the constant support and encouragements of family and friends.
*God gave me medical knowledge in order to circumvent and manage many physical issues related to edema, open wounds, scars, fatigue, nutrition and medicine.

My conclusion: God has a reason and a purpose for my life, for this cancer, for all the ups and downs I have and will struggle through.

Lord Father God, you gave me this life... you can just as easily take this life away.  Why am I here?  What am I doing?  Lord, I know you have a broader vision.  Give me a glimpse of where you are leading me so I can hope, so I know where and how to fight.  May I be your soldier in this world, but not of it. Give me strength.  Give me insight.  Give me wisdom.  Give me courage.

Lord, help me fight where I need to fight.  Give me a humble attitude to listen when I need to follow.  Continue to boost my attitude as I chose to live this life in service to you. May my life, my words, my heart shine with your spirit.  May this life bring you, my God,  honor and glorify your name.  Give me reason to keep smiling.  Give me the heart to see the good and the fun in this life's journey.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Playing paintball with our team: Uprising!

Exercising or sleeping? Take a guess :P

6-Month Challenge

Thursday, October 18, 2012

"I'm ready to take the challenge."

What?  Huh?

"Remember when you talked about the challenges you took to not buy clothes for a year.   And that other time when you donated clothes?  Well, ever since our conversation, I feel that God wants me to have faith in him.  A year's a really long time... but I'm willing to depend on God and not buy clothing for myself for 6 months."

Ahhhhh... yup!  When we were hanging out, I remember saying that if my friend was willing to take the step and trust God to provide clothing... that I'd take the challenge with her... whatever she felt God calling her towards.  *wide grin*

Part of me is like... okay, this is easy!  I've done this before where I didn't buy any clothing, accessories and shoes for 12 months.  Back then, I trusted in God to keep my clothes from tearing, provide me with the types of clothes I'd need in different situations and weather... as well as if I really needed anything, God would provide the item without me buying it for myself.  That last time, I found so much freedom and a significant decrease in stress in not having to provide for myself... it was amazing!  (Also saved a ton of money too!)  =D

This time... not so easy.  *sheepish grin*  I told Noel that I wouldn't ride on the back of his motorcycle unless I have an armored jacket to protect me.  I already bought a helmet and wanted to honor Noel's sense of safety by buying a jacket... just in case.  However, I didn't buy the jacket yet!  *eyes wide open*  Noooooooooooo!!!  This means that I can't ride on Noel's motorcycle for 6 months?!?!!?!!!  *deep sigh*  I really really _want_ to ride on Noel's motorcycle... in fact, the more I think about it, the more I want my own.  *smirk*

In an attempt to get around this 6 month no shopping challenge, I told my friend that we'll start the next day and I'll spend today (Sunday, October 14) to buy the motorcycle jacket.  Thinking I'm so smart... I tell God, "Father, if it's your will for me to get a jacket now, please provide one with all the requirements I like for under $100."

I search and search until midnight... no jacket that fits my prayer request.  *sniffle*  Does that mean I can't ride on Noel's motorcycle until April 16, 2013 when I can next buy a jacket?!?!?!!!  Dang... but that's a LONG time.  *smirk*  Sometimes, I think something is easy just because I've done it before... Nope, second time around is just as difficult!  Having to trust in God to know best and keep my promise is HARD when I really really WANT something NOW!  *tsk tsk*

Father God, I give you my pride, my impatience, my stubbornness!  Please give me the patience to wait on your timing and your provision for the motorcycle jacket...one that fits my shape well.  Lord, please provide a jacket that I can feel comfortable wearing and moving in, a jacket that is leather to protect me from a bad fall (if it happens), a jacket I can wear if I ever get my own motorcycle, and lastly... one that Noel approves of as "safe." 

Lord Father, I believe that when the time is right, you will provide me the perfect motorcycle jacket.  All the jackets that fit my parameters are expensive!... So Father God, I'll trust that in time, I'll be able to ride on the back of Noel's bike.  *wide grin*  But until then, Lord, I give you the stewardship of my money, my time, my clothes, my life.  It's easy to "give up" stuff that I don't want or care about... but when I really want something, it's hard to let go... so Father, I ask that you continue to speak to me your truth, your love, your faithfulness.  Father of all creation, may this challenge bring you glory and honor as my friend and I learn to be better stewards of what you've given us.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Scary Backyard Project, part 2

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Noel and I couldn't lift the concrete grinder from the trunk of my car.  I'm too weak to carry my part of the load.  *sheepish grin* 

As usual, God totally provided!  Just as we realized that we couldn't pull the machine out.. into the complex comes Andy, our neighbor.  I'm sure we looked pretty helpless because after he parked his car, he came by to help.  *wide grin*  Yay!!!  Praise the Lord!   Two guys to lift the concrete grinder out of my car's trunk is much more effective than one guy and one weak girl.  *wink*

Now with the concrete grinder out of my car... we're READY!

Noel fights with the concrete grinder as I hold the hose out of his way.  Physically, I'm no use.  If Noel falls or the machine tips... not too much I can do.  There's no other way for me to help, so I pray.  I'll do my best to guard Noel while praying really really hard!  *sigh*  I feel really helpless and very useless right about now.  =S

Father in heaven, thank you for the opportunity to rent this machine again.  I ask that you help give Noel the strength and wisdom in managing the concrete grinder.  I ask that you guide his hands in how to approach each crease and crevasse.  Father, help guide the machine so that it runs smoothly and nothing breaks.  May the diamond grinding plate not fully wear out so we can get some money back!  *wide grin*  In Jesus' name I pray, amen!

Between periods of grinding, Noel rests while I spray water to clean the slippery silt.  Then we both squat down and take a close look at the ground to assess where still needs a little more work.  *wink*  Thank God for Noel... he really does a great job!

Upon Stephen's arrival (for those who may get confused, this Stephen is my neighbor), I go inside and chat with his wife and play with their dog, Mango.  Every now and then, I peek outside.  Wow!!!  Noel and Stephen really have this grinding thing down!!!  They take turns, one with the grinder, the other with a secondary hose to keep the dust down.  So efficient!  =D

By 2:45pm... it's DONE!!!  *drool*  The red stone inset with gray/white concrete really is beautiful.  The main part of the backyard is smoother than I ever expected!  As a bonus, we even got some money back because we only wore down the grinding plate halfway!  HURRAY!!!  *so excited*  (I love saving money!)  Important note: Stephen's technique and light touch with the concrete grinder prevented the grinding plate from getting chipped as badly this time around... leading to money back!  Heheheheee....  *happy smile*

Backyard is done!!!!  Well... almost.  I just have to grind the edges a little more with a hand grinder my dad gave me.... then it'll be finished!!!  In comparison to all the hard work Noel and Stephen did today... I did absolutely nothing!  Hehehheheee... I come up with crazy ideas... then I delegate.  *wink*

Next steps:  finish laying out the automatic watering system, clean and repaint metal shelves so that I can dangle orchids from the scaffolding, lay shade cloth so the orchids don't burn in the sun... then probably replant the veggie garden that just got demolished by the excess of 2-4 inches of sandstone mud particles.  *shock*  Who woulda thought that this project would be soooo messy! =O

Father in heaven, thank you for blessing me with the help needed to complete my extravagant projects that tend to require more work than initially expected.  *smirk*  Thank you so much for providing our neighbors, Stephen and Andy, as well as many many other friends and family and neighbors, to help with completing the surface of our backyard.  Without their help, this project wasn't going to go ANYWHERE!  I'm so happy that this year-long project is finally complete!  Hurray!!!!

Also Father, thank you for providing such a supportive hubby who is willing to help me complete these extravagant ideas that I can't complete on my own... thank you for placing into my life, my husband and partner... to work together... supportive and loving, strong and gentle. 

Thank you, Lord, for providing all that we need and more through the support of family and friends as Noel continues to search for a job.  In these 4 months with a significant decrease in income, Noel and I specifically want to honor you by continuing in our full tithes and gifts to missions as well as continuing to pay the same amount into our debts as before... To this point in time, neither Noel, nor I, have needed to dig into our savings!  Miraculously, Father, with your blessings, we are able to continue paying above and beyond into our mortgage... we are able to buy groceries without having to count the cost of each item... somehow Lord, even as we continue to give you our "first fruits" in regards to our money, trusting that you will provide... you have shown your power even in our finances!

Thank you, Father God, for the abundant peace that I can always find when I seek to follow and obey you.  Thank you for the partnership I continue to build with Noel as we face challenges together with you as our guide.

In Jesus' name I praise my Father in heaven for always providing above and beyond... amen!