Finally got my official pathology report!!! Yay!!!
Quick definitions (hope I'm getting these right... having to compile my research into regular English is tiring!):
*Neoplasm or tumor just means an abnormal growth/proliferation of cells/tissue in the body where it doesn't belong... kind of like weeds in a garden, these cells can grow and spread.
*sarcoma is a cancer arising from the embryonic mesoderm, certain layer when the body first forms to create different types of muscles and connective tissue (such as bone, cartilage, blood).
*malignant cancer means these abnormal cells spread into other areas.
So what does my report actually say? *drum roll*
I officially have "spindle cell sarcoma favoring dedifferentiated leiomyosarcoma" and another area states "given the large size and abdominal location, we favor the diagnosis of smooth muscle neoplasm of uncertain malignant potential."
What does this mean? *wide eyes*
Even though I'm in the medical field, this report took me awhile to process in a way even I could understand!!! *shudder* This is medical terminology at it's worst! *smirk*
First part says I have a connective tissue cancer suggestive of a leiomyosarcoma (smooth muscle connective tissue tumor) that doesn't look like the original cell type it came from. Not so bad right? *grin*
Second portion is just a fancy way of saying that the pathologists don't know how bad or good my cancer is. See? Simple right? *wink* Different cell samples they took demonstrated varying speeds of cell division along with varied cell shapes.
There's a whole bunch of fancy medical words saying that they gave me this diagnosis and specific labels because it didn't fit with the test results of other cancers, and size, and location, and that this isn't my first surgery to remove a large mass in the same area... Lots of big words phrased really nicely. *wide grin*
I have a grade 2 sarcoma (FNCLCC grading system)...still researching if this really means anything to me. I give myself a intermediate rating since this grading scale only goes up to a 3. *wink* From what I looked up, 3's the worst option... I think?
At the very end of my report, it reads that "there are many unusual features to this lesion." My tumor samples have varying characteristics... And God created both me and my body very uniquely!!! *wide grin*
Thank you God that I can take such amusement while my results puzzle many medical staff members. Thank you for the joy and even the laughter I am able to take in a potentially frustrating report. =D Thank you, Father God, that I am vastly enjoying this process of learning new terminology, new medical options, new stuff!
Lord, please continue to help me and Noel keep a positive attitude. May our lives, our words, our actions speak loudly of your powerful presence in our lives. May you bless Noel and I to lean on you and not on ourselves, to depend on your knowledge, your plan for our lives, your goodness. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that you are a fair Lord; however, I believe that the Bible tells us that you are a just and loving God. Thank you for being willing to bless Noel and I with the work and lifestyle you've called us to. Thank you that instead of just stepping in to make everything better... you, Father in heaven, are willing to work through us, your children, so that we can be blessed and see your power and glory in action on this broken earth.
In Jesus' name I give you, Lord, my life and my thanks, amen.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Driving
I started driving just a little bit last Thursday... But still, that's FOUR solid weeks of no driving! *sad face* For these last couple of weeks, I've held back from driving because of the core muscles involved in using both hands and feet to drive my manual car. Not anymore... Hurray! I'm so excited!
Have I mentioned yet that I love my car? The outside doesn't look too bad, the inside is a little too roomy for my smaller frame... But the car's driving and handling capabilities... Yeah, that's what I love most and miss most about my car.
Recently, having Noel drive my car... *shudder* My poor car! Thanks Hubby for driving my Speed3, but I believe it responds better to my commands. Yup yup! *grin*
I hop into my car and snuggle myself into the driver's seat. Yeah, in this car, this is totally _my_ seat. With a deft twist of my wrist, my not-so-little car rumbles to life, then settles for a soft purr. Ahhhhhh, this is exactly as I remember. Without much thought, my left foot works the clutch as my right foot lightens up on the brake pedal, ready to step on the gas after my right hand shifts into reverse and my left hand cranks on the steering wheel. Wow, so many words to describe a time of transition that takes less than a second to perform!
Taking off, I leave my housing complex to roam the streets. I dart right, left... Only slowed down by other cars or traffic lights. But even these obstructions don't bother me. At each light, I sit to enjoy the sun and breeze wafting through open windows, smirk at a nearby car that rattles like a bucket of loose bolts, listen to dry leaves rustling along the ground... All the while, I keep my eyes focused on the nearby traffic lights. As soon as the lights turn green, I give my car a little gas... And I'm flying! Cars in adjacent lanes appear to glide backwards; other times, a car may struggle to pass my car only to give up and fall back. *gleeful look*
While entering the freeway, I floor my gas pedal and shift smoothly from second to third gear... I'm flying, fighting my car as the turbo kicks in, and thoroughly enjoying the acceleration! Around another nice curve, all four tires squeal as I pin my left leg and side against the car for stability... Sweet! My car feels so good... So alive! Smoothly transitioning into a straight, I feel each bump, each dip, in the road through my feet, the seat of my pants, my hands, my eyes, my ears. When I'm at my best, the car becomes an extension of my senses... This is what driving is to me, an integral part of my life.
Father in heaven, thank you for the gift of my body...that I am able to enjoy driving with the full use of my hands, my eyes, my body, my feet, my ears... and sometimes even my nose when I burn the clutch (oops)! Thank you for giving me the ability to appreciate this car I've prayed for to get for over 5 years. Thank you for the joy I continue to receive in driving a well set-up car. Thank you for my dad teaching me stick-shift and the training you've provided so that I can safely handle my current car. Lord, thank you for also providing the wisdom to appreciate that I control a car weighing over 3200 pounds, a fancy piece of machinery not to be treated lightly like a toy. Thank you for protecting me from potential accidents and mistakes by me or by others. *wide grin*
In Jesus' name, I thank my Father in heaven for everything that you've created me to be, amen.
Have I mentioned yet that I love my car? The outside doesn't look too bad, the inside is a little too roomy for my smaller frame... But the car's driving and handling capabilities... Yeah, that's what I love most and miss most about my car.
Recently, having Noel drive my car... *shudder* My poor car! Thanks Hubby for driving my Speed3, but I believe it responds better to my commands. Yup yup! *grin*
I hop into my car and snuggle myself into the driver's seat. Yeah, in this car, this is totally _my_ seat. With a deft twist of my wrist, my not-so-little car rumbles to life, then settles for a soft purr. Ahhhhhh, this is exactly as I remember. Without much thought, my left foot works the clutch as my right foot lightens up on the brake pedal, ready to step on the gas after my right hand shifts into reverse and my left hand cranks on the steering wheel. Wow, so many words to describe a time of transition that takes less than a second to perform!
Taking off, I leave my housing complex to roam the streets. I dart right, left... Only slowed down by other cars or traffic lights. But even these obstructions don't bother me. At each light, I sit to enjoy the sun and breeze wafting through open windows, smirk at a nearby car that rattles like a bucket of loose bolts, listen to dry leaves rustling along the ground... All the while, I keep my eyes focused on the nearby traffic lights. As soon as the lights turn green, I give my car a little gas... And I'm flying! Cars in adjacent lanes appear to glide backwards; other times, a car may struggle to pass my car only to give up and fall back. *gleeful look*
While entering the freeway, I floor my gas pedal and shift smoothly from second to third gear... I'm flying, fighting my car as the turbo kicks in, and thoroughly enjoying the acceleration! Around another nice curve, all four tires squeal as I pin my left leg and side against the car for stability... Sweet! My car feels so good... So alive! Smoothly transitioning into a straight, I feel each bump, each dip, in the road through my feet, the seat of my pants, my hands, my eyes, my ears. When I'm at my best, the car becomes an extension of my senses... This is what driving is to me, an integral part of my life.
Father in heaven, thank you for the gift of my body...that I am able to enjoy driving with the full use of my hands, my eyes, my body, my feet, my ears... and sometimes even my nose when I burn the clutch (oops)! Thank you for giving me the ability to appreciate this car I've prayed for to get for over 5 years. Thank you for the joy I continue to receive in driving a well set-up car. Thank you for my dad teaching me stick-shift and the training you've provided so that I can safely handle my current car. Lord, thank you for also providing the wisdom to appreciate that I control a car weighing over 3200 pounds, a fancy piece of machinery not to be treated lightly like a toy. Thank you for protecting me from potential accidents and mistakes by me or by others. *wide grin*
In Jesus' name, I thank my Father in heaven for everything that you've created me to be, amen.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Exercise
Exercise and I have an ongoing love-hate relationship. I have a strong dislike for doing an action purely to get or stay strong... Instead, I like to build muscle through paintball, rockclimbing, and crazy projects (like working in my backyard or refinishing my kitchen cabinets). Well, none of those preferred activities are available to me right now with my 10# lifting restriction. *shrug* Standard exercise it is! *sigh*
Today, I pulled out Beach Body Insanity to help guide my workout. And no, I'm not crazy enough to jump right in and do everything... I think I'd flop from exhaustion! Regardless, the jogging in place, high knee marches, lunges... For now, these exercises with the cool-down and stretches are enough to make me sweat. *grin* I can't wait until I'm back to my normal form! I'm looking forward to a hike up Mission Peak and to paintball once my restrictions are off.
For now, I'm going to start ramping up my daily activities. I'm giving myself the option of doing one of the Beach Body Insanity DVDs or going out for a walk/run for this week. Next week, I plan to do both! We'll see, I feel motivated now, but I have the hardest time being consistent! *sheepish grin*
Father, thank you for providing the warm weather that motivates me to be outside! Thank you that I feel so good I now want to exercise! May you please bless me with wisdom in how to exercise and how hard to safely push myself. I want to honor you Lord by taking care of this body that your Spirit resides in and that the Bible calls a temple.
I continue to ask for wisdom and guidance for the doctors involved in my care. Please help guide the doctors to the correct people to contact in order to discuss my case and to make the appropriate decisions. I also ask that you provide accurate testing and analysis of the tissue samples at Stanford. Thank you Lord that The first lab was willing to get a second opinion at Stanford. I don't know the final results yet (and the doctors say they don't know it either)... So instead, Father, I ask for a heart of peace and patience as I and everyone else involved wait for the final result. Help me and Noel to not be anxious or stressed, but to enjoy this waiting period.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Today, I pulled out Beach Body Insanity to help guide my workout. And no, I'm not crazy enough to jump right in and do everything... I think I'd flop from exhaustion! Regardless, the jogging in place, high knee marches, lunges... For now, these exercises with the cool-down and stretches are enough to make me sweat. *grin* I can't wait until I'm back to my normal form! I'm looking forward to a hike up Mission Peak and to paintball once my restrictions are off.
For now, I'm going to start ramping up my daily activities. I'm giving myself the option of doing one of the Beach Body Insanity DVDs or going out for a walk/run for this week. Next week, I plan to do both! We'll see, I feel motivated now, but I have the hardest time being consistent! *sheepish grin*
Father, thank you for providing the warm weather that motivates me to be outside! Thank you that I feel so good I now want to exercise! May you please bless me with wisdom in how to exercise and how hard to safely push myself. I want to honor you Lord by taking care of this body that your Spirit resides in and that the Bible calls a temple.
I continue to ask for wisdom and guidance for the doctors involved in my care. Please help guide the doctors to the correct people to contact in order to discuss my case and to make the appropriate decisions. I also ask that you provide accurate testing and analysis of the tissue samples at Stanford. Thank you Lord that The first lab was willing to get a second opinion at Stanford. I don't know the final results yet (and the doctors say they don't know it either)... So instead, Father, I ask for a heart of peace and patience as I and everyone else involved wait for the final result. Help me and Noel to not be anxious or stressed, but to enjoy this waiting period.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Silent Dance
Today is my chosen day to flop in the sun, read manga by the pool, and ignore all technology for a while. I loved it!!! *grin*
Before the warm rays of sun start to burn, I would roll over... Kinda like how a rotisserie chicken is cooked. *smirk* It'd be nice to get a light golden tan... Just don't wanna be burnt! The pure bliss of being alone wore out after 2 hours... The manga I carried with me... all done!
With a light scrape of the pool-side chair, I pushed myself into sitting. My manga lightly scrapped as I grabbed them from a nearby table. Keys jangled loudly as I dangled them from dusty fingertips. As I prepared to leave, I observed at least 5 long spiderwebs floating on the breeze. Where there are loose webs, there's sure to be a spider attached! Ahhhhhh.... I hate spiders! Quickly, I bury myself back into the chair and watch in horror as the webs approach.
Slowly, the webs drift closer, descending from nearby trees down to my level. Grrrrr... I have nowhere to run, the webs are also drifting across my escape route. *sigh* I can't do anything and I'm not about to get wrapped up in webs that'll bring a spider into contact with me!
Sitting back, fear turns into fascination. The webs are no longer approaching me; instead, the webs drift on an invisible breeze above the pool. Light glints off long portions as the spiderwebs wave and weave with each other... never quite touching... never tangling... Just lightly spinning in their soft silent dance above still waters.
I was mesmerized. I wanted to capture the dancing webs on my phone, but the electronics would never be able to pick up the slight flash of light, nor would it pick up something as thin as a web in open space. In a moment that felt like eternity, the sun-kissed spiderwebs rose, lifted high by an unseen wind, and disappeared. I sat, staring over the pool, hoping for another glimpse of delicately dancing webs on an invisible wind... And only heard the russeling of leaves. Disappointed, I finally left. Part of my heart is still back at the pool... still mesmerized by a beauty I never imagined could exist under the sun... still looking for fragile webs and invisible wings.
Lord, thank you for blessing me with the time and heart to see the beauty of your creation. My words cannot compare to what I saw today. But may you, Lord in heaven, use this blog to open my eyes and of those reading these words, to see the unearthly beauty of your creations... To take joy from this earth you created... And to find peace in the miracles of everyday life.
In Jesus' name I give thanks to an amazingly loving Father in heaven, amen.
Before the warm rays of sun start to burn, I would roll over... Kinda like how a rotisserie chicken is cooked. *smirk* It'd be nice to get a light golden tan... Just don't wanna be burnt! The pure bliss of being alone wore out after 2 hours... The manga I carried with me... all done!
With a light scrape of the pool-side chair, I pushed myself into sitting. My manga lightly scrapped as I grabbed them from a nearby table. Keys jangled loudly as I dangled them from dusty fingertips. As I prepared to leave, I observed at least 5 long spiderwebs floating on the breeze. Where there are loose webs, there's sure to be a spider attached! Ahhhhhh.... I hate spiders! Quickly, I bury myself back into the chair and watch in horror as the webs approach.
Slowly, the webs drift closer, descending from nearby trees down to my level. Grrrrr... I have nowhere to run, the webs are also drifting across my escape route. *sigh* I can't do anything and I'm not about to get wrapped up in webs that'll bring a spider into contact with me!
Sitting back, fear turns into fascination. The webs are no longer approaching me; instead, the webs drift on an invisible breeze above the pool. Light glints off long portions as the spiderwebs wave and weave with each other... never quite touching... never tangling... Just lightly spinning in their soft silent dance above still waters.
I was mesmerized. I wanted to capture the dancing webs on my phone, but the electronics would never be able to pick up the slight flash of light, nor would it pick up something as thin as a web in open space. In a moment that felt like eternity, the sun-kissed spiderwebs rose, lifted high by an unseen wind, and disappeared. I sat, staring over the pool, hoping for another glimpse of delicately dancing webs on an invisible wind... And only heard the russeling of leaves. Disappointed, I finally left. Part of my heart is still back at the pool... still mesmerized by a beauty I never imagined could exist under the sun... still looking for fragile webs and invisible wings.
Lord, thank you for blessing me with the time and heart to see the beauty of your creation. My words cannot compare to what I saw today. But may you, Lord in heaven, use this blog to open my eyes and of those reading these words, to see the unearthly beauty of your creations... To take joy from this earth you created... And to find peace in the miracles of everyday life.
In Jesus' name I give thanks to an amazingly loving Father in heaven, amen.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Being Still
So much of the day is filled with busy-work. Everything has to be done sometime... but does everything need to be done now?
Before this surgery, every hour was filled with something... work, cooking, cleaning, projects, church events, and even my own "time-off" for reading or watching TV. Somehow, even as I was supposed to rest, I never really felt rested. Even vacations make me feel more drained! What's wrong with me?
So what is rest? How do I gain a satisfying peace-filled mini vacation? How can I recover and be filled when I feel drained empty inside?
After surgery, I'm finally starting to get a glimpse of what resting really is for me. It's not checking and responding to emails first thing in the morning, or brushing my teeth, or eating breakfast, or completing my never-ending list of to-do items. I find myself most refreshed just being still in God's presence. I praise God for the warm sun striking my skin, the faint russling of leaves in the background, light rippling off water, or even the bugs busily working in the dirt. Appreciating God creation, placing myself and my time in God's hands first before my busy-work... I now feel more at peace, more at rest, more joyful, more hopeful than I have felt in a long time. This feeling of rest can last the whole day, even when I'm running around getting stuff done. *grin* I'm learning to recharge my batteries before I run just on empty fumes. *smirk*
Still, easier said than done. Every morning, I still find myself looking at email or just a doing random things around the house before first spending time with God...silly right? I now know how to feel more complete, more at peace, more at rest... And the process, though easy, takes more effort and more determination to be still in God's presence.
During this time, I'm learning to treasure family, to treasure friendships, to treasure each bit of time I'm given, to treasure how my body works.
Father in heaven, thank you for the lessons I'm learning now. Thank you for the whole-hearted love and support from my husband, family, and friends. Father, may my life and my thoughts be used to honor you. Thank you Lord for teaching me how to rest. Please soften my heart so that I can rest more in your arms... To be re-filled and refreshed by your power and not my own.
Lord, I also ask that you help the pathologists provide an accurate label to my diagnosis. The doctors still haven't received the final results, but I thank you Lord that I'm an interesting case, that my doctors are ready and willing to send me elsewhere for follow-up if needed, that they are considering many options from radiation to another surgery or even a combination of both. I do worry about the side effects and the outcome, but worry changes nothing... So Lord, I continue to give my life and my health into your hands. Thank you for the hope and the peace I have in you. Thank you for the unfettered joy I have in living this life. Thank you Lord that I know you so that I never have to lean on my own power or wisdom to face the challenges of this life. Thank you for sending your son, Jesus, so that all my faults that separate myself from you are redeemed and forgiven. Thank you Lord for loving me so much that you provide even better for me than perfect health or more wealth... That instead, I can feel more fulfilled in my imperfection and struggles.
In Jesus' name, I thank you God for loving me and for always providing for me in such a way I know you truly exist, amen.
Before this surgery, every hour was filled with something... work, cooking, cleaning, projects, church events, and even my own "time-off" for reading or watching TV. Somehow, even as I was supposed to rest, I never really felt rested. Even vacations make me feel more drained! What's wrong with me?
So what is rest? How do I gain a satisfying peace-filled mini vacation? How can I recover and be filled when I feel drained empty inside?
After surgery, I'm finally starting to get a glimpse of what resting really is for me. It's not checking and responding to emails first thing in the morning, or brushing my teeth, or eating breakfast, or completing my never-ending list of to-do items. I find myself most refreshed just being still in God's presence. I praise God for the warm sun striking my skin, the faint russling of leaves in the background, light rippling off water, or even the bugs busily working in the dirt. Appreciating God creation, placing myself and my time in God's hands first before my busy-work... I now feel more at peace, more at rest, more joyful, more hopeful than I have felt in a long time. This feeling of rest can last the whole day, even when I'm running around getting stuff done. *grin* I'm learning to recharge my batteries before I run just on empty fumes. *smirk*
Still, easier said than done. Every morning, I still find myself looking at email or just a doing random things around the house before first spending time with God...silly right? I now know how to feel more complete, more at peace, more at rest... And the process, though easy, takes more effort and more determination to be still in God's presence.
During this time, I'm learning to treasure family, to treasure friendships, to treasure each bit of time I'm given, to treasure how my body works.
Father in heaven, thank you for the lessons I'm learning now. Thank you for the whole-hearted love and support from my husband, family, and friends. Father, may my life and my thoughts be used to honor you. Thank you Lord for teaching me how to rest. Please soften my heart so that I can rest more in your arms... To be re-filled and refreshed by your power and not my own.
Lord, I also ask that you help the pathologists provide an accurate label to my diagnosis. The doctors still haven't received the final results, but I thank you Lord that I'm an interesting case, that my doctors are ready and willing to send me elsewhere for follow-up if needed, that they are considering many options from radiation to another surgery or even a combination of both. I do worry about the side effects and the outcome, but worry changes nothing... So Lord, I continue to give my life and my health into your hands. Thank you for the hope and the peace I have in you. Thank you for the unfettered joy I have in living this life. Thank you Lord that I know you so that I never have to lean on my own power or wisdom to face the challenges of this life. Thank you for sending your son, Jesus, so that all my faults that separate myself from you are redeemed and forgiven. Thank you Lord for loving me so much that you provide even better for me than perfect health or more wealth... That instead, I can feel more fulfilled in my imperfection and struggles.
In Jesus' name, I thank you God for loving me and for always providing for me in such a way I know you truly exist, amen.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
When someone dies
Today, my great aunt died.
I'm not sure how to feel...she raised me. She gave up her job as a pharmacist and came to the States to raise me and my siblings while my parents worked.
When my family owned a little grocery store, we played there after school... free ice cream and Vienna sausages! On weekends, while we watched morning (and afternoon) cartoons, she would skin and cut fruit for us... even the grape skins and seeds would she carefully remove so that we would eat. Spoiled right? *smile*
Back then, she was a super clean freak... Everything had to be washed just right! She would fold our laundry, cook meals, and even play Chinese checkers with us... She was smart, and gentle, and loved us with all her heart. This is the person I miss... This is the woman I loved and respected!
These last few years, my great aunt struggled with CHF (congestive heart failure), multiple heart attacks, chest pain... diminishing health. For a while, when she stayed at a nursing home, her mind started to slip. She didn't always know who people were or what was going on so my family took her back home.
My grandma, my mom, my sister, and even my dad had to take care of her... Daily dealing with her constipation, diarrhea, increasing physical weakness, discomfort and pain. Her sharp mind never came back.
In these last few days, my dad had to physically carry her. My family changed her diapers, turned her in bed, fed her when she couldn't feed herself.
Today she went to the hospital. Today she died.
I grieve for the woman I knew growing up. I cry for the woman who raised me and struggled so hard to live.
Lord Father in heaven, I thank you that my great aunt is finally at rest and out of pain. I thank you for the opportunity of loving and being loved by her. If she had Jesus in her heart, as a Child of God, I thank you that I'll see her again.
For now, Lord, I ask that you bring my family close together. Give us hope that we'll someday meet again in your presence. Give us peace as we learn to live without her. Give us strength as we lean on each other. Give us a heart to rejoice now that my great aunt is no longer suffering.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
I'm not sure how to feel...she raised me. She gave up her job as a pharmacist and came to the States to raise me and my siblings while my parents worked.
When my family owned a little grocery store, we played there after school... free ice cream and Vienna sausages! On weekends, while we watched morning (and afternoon) cartoons, she would skin and cut fruit for us... even the grape skins and seeds would she carefully remove so that we would eat. Spoiled right? *smile*
Back then, she was a super clean freak... Everything had to be washed just right! She would fold our laundry, cook meals, and even play Chinese checkers with us... She was smart, and gentle, and loved us with all her heart. This is the person I miss... This is the woman I loved and respected!
These last few years, my great aunt struggled with CHF (congestive heart failure), multiple heart attacks, chest pain... diminishing health. For a while, when she stayed at a nursing home, her mind started to slip. She didn't always know who people were or what was going on so my family took her back home.
My grandma, my mom, my sister, and even my dad had to take care of her... Daily dealing with her constipation, diarrhea, increasing physical weakness, discomfort and pain. Her sharp mind never came back.
In these last few days, my dad had to physically carry her. My family changed her diapers, turned her in bed, fed her when she couldn't feed herself.
Today she went to the hospital. Today she died.
I grieve for the woman I knew growing up. I cry for the woman who raised me and struggled so hard to live.
Lord Father in heaven, I thank you that my great aunt is finally at rest and out of pain. I thank you for the opportunity of loving and being loved by her. If she had Jesus in her heart, as a Child of God, I thank you that I'll see her again.
For now, Lord, I ask that you bring my family close together. Give us hope that we'll someday meet again in your presence. Give us peace as we learn to live without her. Give us strength as we lean on each other. Give us a heart to rejoice now that my great aunt is no longer suffering.
In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Medicine and Food and Friends
This post surgery life is very weird! Before surgery, I eat a little bit of everything in sight! My friends at work can attest to the fact that I rarely ever turn down food. A little food here, a little food there . . . *grin* I'm always eating or have food handy . . . just in case I get hungry. *smirk*
About the 12th or13th day post-op, I decided to stop taking pain medicine. Beyond the fact that I dislike taking medications . . . I didn't want to be in the position where every time I ached, I felt the need to take more meds . . . just in case! By the fourth day of not taking any medications . . . I finally came to acknowledge that I _needed_ to take medication. The pain didn't let me sleep well, I ached too much to move, people around me got more worried, and my daily food intake dropped way low. These then became my reasons for taking pain meds again. *sigh* At least now, I know I am getting better, I only need like one pill every day or two. Victory!!! *grin*
The reason I mention food is because even now, when I don't feel pain, I am no longer in the habit of eating everything in sight. I actually have to work to make myself eat! Having to think about eating very weird.
Thank you everyone out there who has provided me food and drinks!!! =D Having the yummy variety of things to eat is making a huge difference in enticing me to eat proper meals. I'm still too lazy to get up and eat breakfast, but I now make sure I eat at least 2 full meals and 1-2 snack-meals a day. Hurray! Moreover, the thought of having wounds reopen from poor nutrition scares me . . . so I'm also counting calories to make sure I actually eat enough! *wink*
On a double positive note . . . I don't have to wear my abdominal binder anymore and I no longer feel drained just from sitting upright!
Thank you Heavenly Father for the words of wisdom (like "take those pain meds" and "don't be such a guy") and the supplies of supper yummy food and drinks I have received from very loving and supportive friends to help me get better. Receiving so much support and care from so many people is something I'm still learning to graciously accept . . . so Lord, please teach me to joyfully receive the support and help from others... this is a very hard lesson for me to learn. I've always been very independent and able to do everything myself, always wanting to help others, but not knowing how receive help. Thank you Father for providing so many people who want to help and are patient with me as I go through with this learning process.
Lord, I ask that when I go to radiology this Thursday, that if there's anything to find in my chest/lungs, may it be found, documented, and addressed. On the other hand, Father, I ask that if there's nothing to find, then may there be no false readings on the scan.
I also want to ask for wisdom for me, Noel, and all the medical staff involved in regards to how to progress with my diagnosis of leiomyosarcoma (or whatever else it may be) . . . for wisdom and accuracy in the questions asked, tests ordered and taken, assessments done, intervention/treatment process . . . this whole health issue. I ask Lord that you take control of how my cancer is dealt with.
Thank you Lord for the peace I have in you. For the continued support of all my friends and family showered upon this household, for knowing that I'm loved and cared for . . .
In Jesus' name, amen
About the 12th or13th day post-op, I decided to stop taking pain medicine. Beyond the fact that I dislike taking medications . . . I didn't want to be in the position where every time I ached, I felt the need to take more meds . . . just in case! By the fourth day of not taking any medications . . . I finally came to acknowledge that I _needed_ to take medication. The pain didn't let me sleep well, I ached too much to move, people around me got more worried, and my daily food intake dropped way low. These then became my reasons for taking pain meds again. *sigh* At least now, I know I am getting better, I only need like one pill every day or two. Victory!!! *grin*
The reason I mention food is because even now, when I don't feel pain, I am no longer in the habit of eating everything in sight. I actually have to work to make myself eat! Having to think about eating very weird.
Thank you everyone out there who has provided me food and drinks!!! =D Having the yummy variety of things to eat is making a huge difference in enticing me to eat proper meals. I'm still too lazy to get up and eat breakfast, but I now make sure I eat at least 2 full meals and 1-2 snack-meals a day. Hurray! Moreover, the thought of having wounds reopen from poor nutrition scares me . . . so I'm also counting calories to make sure I actually eat enough! *wink*
On a double positive note . . . I don't have to wear my abdominal binder anymore and I no longer feel drained just from sitting upright!
Thank you Heavenly Father for the words of wisdom (like "take those pain meds" and "don't be such a guy") and the supplies of supper yummy food and drinks I have received from very loving and supportive friends to help me get better. Receiving so much support and care from so many people is something I'm still learning to graciously accept . . . so Lord, please teach me to joyfully receive the support and help from others... this is a very hard lesson for me to learn. I've always been very independent and able to do everything myself, always wanting to help others, but not knowing how receive help. Thank you Father for providing so many people who want to help and are patient with me as I go through with this learning process.
Lord, I ask that when I go to radiology this Thursday, that if there's anything to find in my chest/lungs, may it be found, documented, and addressed. On the other hand, Father, I ask that if there's nothing to find, then may there be no false readings on the scan.
I also want to ask for wisdom for me, Noel, and all the medical staff involved in regards to how to progress with my diagnosis of leiomyosarcoma (or whatever else it may be) . . . for wisdom and accuracy in the questions asked, tests ordered and taken, assessments done, intervention/treatment process . . . this whole health issue. I ask Lord that you take control of how my cancer is dealt with.
Thank you Lord for the peace I have in you. For the continued support of all my friends and family showered upon this household, for knowing that I'm loved and cared for . . .
In Jesus' name, amen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)