Being Still

So much of the day is filled with busy-work. Everything has to be done sometime... but does everything need to be done now?

Before this surgery, every hour was filled with something... work, cooking, cleaning, projects, church events, and even my own "time-off" for reading or watching TV. Somehow, even as I was supposed to rest, I never really felt rested. Even vacations make me feel more drained! What's wrong with me?

So what is rest? How do I gain a satisfying peace-filled mini vacation? How can I recover and be filled when I feel drained empty inside?

After surgery, I'm finally starting to get a glimpse of what resting really is for me. It's not checking and responding to emails first thing in the morning, or brushing my teeth, or eating breakfast, or completing my never-ending list of to-do items. I find myself most refreshed just being still in God's presence. I praise God for the warm sun striking my skin, the faint russling of leaves in the background, light rippling off water, or even the bugs busily working in the dirt. Appreciating God creation, placing myself and my time in God's hands first before my busy-work... I now feel more at peace, more at rest, more joyful, more hopeful than I have felt in a long time. This feeling of rest can last the whole day, even when I'm running around getting stuff done. *grin* I'm learning to recharge my batteries before I run just on empty fumes. *smirk*

Still, easier said than done. Every morning, I still find myself looking at email or just a doing random things around the house before first spending time with God...silly right? I now know how to feel more complete, more at peace, more at rest... And the process, though easy, takes more effort and more determination to be still in God's presence.

During this time, I'm learning to treasure family, to treasure friendships, to treasure each bit of time I'm given, to treasure how my body works.

Father in heaven, thank you for the lessons I'm learning now. Thank you for the whole-hearted love and support from my husband, family, and friends. Father, may my life and my thoughts be used to honor you. Thank you Lord for teaching me how to rest. Please soften my heart so that I can rest more in your arms... To be re-filled and refreshed by your power and not my own.

Lord, I also ask that you help the pathologists provide an accurate label to my diagnosis. The doctors still haven't received the final results, but I thank you Lord that I'm an interesting case, that my doctors are ready and willing to send me elsewhere for follow-up if needed, that they are considering many options from radiation to another surgery or even a combination of both. I do worry about the side effects and the outcome, but worry changes nothing... So Lord, I continue to give my life and my health into your hands. Thank you for the hope and the peace I have in you. Thank you for the unfettered joy I have in living this life. Thank you Lord that I know you so that I never have to lean on my own power or wisdom to face the challenges of this life. Thank you for sending your son, Jesus, so that all my faults that separate myself from you are redeemed and forgiven. Thank you Lord for loving me so much that you provide even better for me than perfect health or more wealth... That instead, I can feel more fulfilled in my imperfection and struggles.

In Jesus' name, I thank you God for loving me and for always providing for me in such a way I know you truly exist, amen.