Stand tall and live!

I write... Not to make you feel guilty or sorrowful... But so that you may rejoice in this lifetime... To live life to it's fullest... To not let the tough times or the sad times drag you down.

I will die... But everyone dies. I just don't plan on dying anytime soon! *grin* I've still got lots of stuff to do, activities to try, and this precious live I'm given to live.

I don't want to live with my head hidden in the ground. I don't want to ignore the people surrounding me. I don't want to miss any of the cool stuff God plans for my life and those around me. I believe God made me with a purpose... I will fulfill that purpose as I continue to walk with my Lord Jesus Christ. For now, I will learn to live even stronger than before. I will smile, not to hide tears, but I will smile because God is good and life is fun.

I've gone through hardships I thought were difficult to deal with: loniliness, fear of loss when my parents fought, stress when money ran out, molestation, addiction... Each time felt worse and harder than the next... but with God's help, I'm not only a survivor, I'm free. With each trial, I gain strength. With each trial, though more difficult, one after the other starts to feel simpler. Each trial required God to carry me when my own strength failed. Each trial, I learn the meaning of blind faith. Each trial, I lean more on God and less on myself. With each trial, I struggle less and come out more.

Looking back, I would not trade away any hardships, any mistakes, anything. I am who you see today because of my past experiences.

Plus, I'm not alone. With Jesus by my side, I'm never truly alone.

Sure I still have the occasional fits of self-pity, anger, frustration, fear, stress... But I will not let any of these emotions hold me down.

Life is what I make of it... And I chose not only to exist... but I chose to live.

Father in heaven, may your vey name be gloified. Thank you for loving an imperfect me. Thank you for the support and help of so many friends and family! Lord, I feel very blessed and very loved.

Thank you Father God for this time I have to write, the ability to be transparent using words. Lord, I just want to be well again, even for a little while. Thank you Lord for a body I took for granted for so long. May you please give me wisdom in regards to what to pray for. I want to ask to be healed completely, but I feel that right now is not yet the time... So Lord in heaven, teach me to pray in your will that my prayers will be answered. Give me strength to keep walking forward, the courage to keep looking up, and wisdom in the thoughts I share.

In Jesus name I ask these things and more, amen.